Loving yourself is of utmost imp

As a child and teenager, I was constantly warned by my mom that there are evil and selfish people in my life and I should always be on alert. I was not encouraged to lend things to anyone and was always cautious and guarded.

Years later, a boy who I met in college and tried to build a intimate relationship with gave up on me and wrote me an email telling me that I was a selfish person! It was the first time I started to think about whether I was selfish and had never understood him. I read books and searched the Internet. There were thousands of explanation for being selfish and selfless in a relationship. I was lost and frustrated. For so many years, I have worked hard in all aspects of life.

There was one quote from To kill a mocking bird: you never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view- until you climb into his skin and walk around in it. I felt enlightened when I first read it. 

Yes! It was a problem. I spent so much time thinking about my own goals, my looking, my feelings, and I barely consider things from others’ point of view. What are the reasons for all the selfishness?

I tried to behave selflessly. Be a good friend, coworker, girlfriend, wife, mother, daughter. But I was not really sure what to do, and I followed certain formula and it did not turn out so well.

Again years later, I came across the book The courage to be disliked, and I was lucky to find the answer for this problem. For all these years, I was nervous and anxious about myself, and this strong insecurity made me only have time and energy to be a better self to please my parents and the world. As I realize that I could be happy about who I am, I begin to relax and settle down and slow down. I begin to appreciate the people around me and also share what I have with them. Naturally, I learn to listen to them attentively and sympathize with them.

This change took almost 10 years. It took place all because of one little realization: I am good enough.