IELTS Writing Task 2 014-positiv

一、修改稿

1、开头

Whether technology makes life simpler or more complicated has become a hot issue for the time being. There are mixed positions towards this topic. Some people believe the negative effects of high tech while others hold the opposite view. In the following essay I’d like to examine both stance and present my own point.

二、主体#1段

Those guys who argue that although technology helps to solve many problems it creates even more nuisances for earth inhabitants. For example, in the past people usually work out and do sport simply by themselves or with their partners in their freetime, yet nowadays, they go online and have to refresh their exercise status after each session of their daily activity which seems very unnecessary. In addition,  due to the limitless features of smart phones, many folks become addicted to the mobile phones and perform poorly in their work and study. Besides, some ride hailing apps such Uber or Didi force a lot of traditional taxi drivers out of work and make the city traffic more congested. Hence, technology makes life more unbearable.

三、主体#2段

In contrast, other people believe that science and technology liberate man from many trivial things and bring them more satisfaction rather than annoyance. For instance, automatic washing machine replaces housewives to do all the tedious laundry work at home and offer them more leisure time. Another case in point is the availability of the navigation app GPS which makes both drivers and pedestrians’ moving around in an unfamiliar place very convenient and laid back. What’s more, internet access provides people with infinite amount of resources and information, which enables people to better search data and make their informed decision for life or business.

四、结尾

To conclude, technology can generate both benefits and drawbacks for us digital global villagers nowadays. What we should do is to give full play to the advantages of high tech and do away with the disadvantages by our wisdom as well as more advanced mode of technology.

二、修改说明

刚才我对一稿做了一些拼写、单复数和同义词替换等小的改动，整体上保持了一稿的原貌，使本文自评达到了7分的水准。本文的优点是中心突出、论证严密、语言精炼和地道、文风质朴、干练，非常符合作为作者我自己的风格。这就应验了一句俗话：文如其人，哈哈，有木有？

本文有待进一步改进的地方是比较模版化，比较循规蹈矩，如果文风方面更加灵动和个性同时又不失犀利的机锋，比如像唐伟胜老师的同题目高分范文那样，不着痕迹、地道自然、出神入化地嵌入航班延误、电脑崩溃、机器人建筑施工和电子邮件的迅捷等细节，那么本文就应该有冲8的希望。