正面管教到底学什么？
为方便家长们学到最原汁原味的正面管教知识，我从国外找来一些正面管教资料。以下为正面管教英文站的译文（注：本人英文水平有限，以下内容是谷歌在线直译得来的，欢迎英语水平好的家长校正，我只是知识里的搬运工），更多详细的内容可以参考早期学习正面管教网友分享的正面管教揭密内容。
In life, many people often ask, what does positive discipline really learn?
有些学习过正面管教的家长说，“正面管教是教给我们家长，不打不骂教育孩子的”。
Some parents who have learnt positive discipline say, "positive discipline teaches our parents not to fight or scold to educate their children".
提问的人更加疑惑了，“不打不骂能教育好孩子？孩子有时候就是要教训才知道好歹的，不打不骂，那岂不是溺爱了吗？”
The questioner was even more confused, "Can you educate a good child without beating or scolding? Sometimes a child just needs to teach a lesson before he knows what's good or bad. If he doesn't fight or scold, isn't that spoiling?
有很多的家长相信，孩子要是适当地打骂的，“不打不骂”肯定不能教育好孩子，因此，也错过了学习正面管教，甚至其他育儿理念的真正的精髓。
Many parents believe that if a child is scolded properly, "no scolding or no scolding" can not educate a good child. Therefore, they also miss the true essence of learning positive discipline and even other parenting concepts.
其实，“不打不骂教育孩子”，这种想法太初浅了。
In fact, the idea of "educating children without beating or scolding" is too shallow.
在两年多的学习与使用正面管教的过程中，我切身感受到，正面管教的真正的魅力以及发挥最大的作用在于，它有一套方法，能让孩子自省，让孩子认识到自己犯的错误，并改正，这就省去了父母歇斯底里的吼叫，也不用气急败坏地打骂孩子。这才是正面管教的关键，这也是我深深受益的地方。
In the process of learning and using positive education for more than two years, I feel that the real charm of positive education and its greatest role lies in that it has a set of methods to make children self-examination, let them realize their mistakes and correct them. This saves parents from hysterical shouting and does not need to beat their children with anger and frustration. That's the key to positive discipline, and that's what I'm profoundly benefiting from.
的确，（如上图A区、B区），A和B都是正面管教的内容，但是，正面管教的核心，也就是说我们教育最终的目的，是B 而不是A 。所以，仅仅说正面管教是教授父母”不打不骂，鉴定和善地教育孩子“，这个还是太片面了。
It is true that (as in areas A and B above), A and B are the contents of positive education, but the core of positive education, that is to say, the ultimate goal of our education is B rather than A. Therefore, it is too one-sided to say that positive discipline is to teach parents to "teach their children without scolding, appraise and kindly educate them".
不仅仅是正面管教的目标是教育孩子自省、自律、自觉。可以说，任何的教育，其实最终的目标就是让孩子自省，自我管理，自我觉察，即使父母不在身边也能自律。每天自觉写作业，刷牙，好习惯的养成等等。
The goal of positive discipline is not only to educate children to be self-introspective, self-disciplined and self-conscious. It can be said that any education, in fact, the ultimate goal is to let children self-reflection, self-management, self-awareness, even if parents are not around can also self-discipline. Every day I do my homework consciously, brush my teeth, cultivate good habits and so on.
那既然我们的目标是奔着B去的，可是，我们父母面对的问题是，我们耳提面命地和孩子说，苦口婆心地劝，孩子就是不听。每天的小事情，比如刷牙，写作业，这些琐事都能升级成家庭战争。怎么办？
Since our goal is to run for B, the problem our parents face is that we tell our children with all our heart and soul that they will not listen to us. Everyday trifles, such as brushing teeth and doing homework, can escalate into family wars. What should I do?
那我们就来看看正面管教的工具中，有哪些可以帮助孩子建立自省和自律：
Let's look at some of the positive discipline tools that can help children build self-reflection and self-discipline.
1、帮助孩子自省的工具卡—— 错误
1. Tool Card to Help Children Reflect - Error
以前传统观念认为，犯错误是不光彩的，是不应该犯错的，要把错误扼杀在摇篮里，而正面管教告诉我们，错误是学习的良机。
Traditionally, mistakes were considered disgraceful and should not be made. They should be strangled in the cradle. The positive discipline tells us that mistakes are good opportunities for learning.
这个工具卡为什么能帮助孩子“自醒'呢？
Why can this tool card help children "wake up"?
我们经常鼓励孩子，要反省自己的行为，却往往忽略了，孩子犯错误之后，如果感受到外部的压力，比如：担心父母的批评，长辈的责骂，事情的败露，这些来自外部的压力和恐惧，会严重阻碍孩子的学习和自省。
We often encourage children to reflect on their own behavior, but often overlook the fact that when children make mistakes, if they feel external pressure, such as fear of parental criticism, elder scolding, and disclosure of things, these external pressure and fear will seriously hinder children's learning and self-reflection.
生理和医学的研究指出，人类处在对外界环境，感到不安全时，血液会流向四肢，准备逃跑，或者反抗来保护自己。而当人类处在安全的环境中，血液才会更多地流向大脑，人类才会有更多的思考和创造。
Physiological and medical studies have shown that when humans feel insecure about the external environment, blood flows to their limbs, ready to escape, or resist to protect themselves. When human beings are in a safe environment, blood will flow more to the brain, and human beings will have more thinking and creation.
那么孩子也是一样，当孩子犯了错，孩子如果害怕父母责骂或者打一顿，他因此感到不安的时候，血液已经没有好好滋养他的大脑，所以是没办法好好思考他究竟错在哪里？下次该如何做，以及从错误中学到什么。
So the same is true of children. When a child makes a mistake and is afraid of being scolded or beaten by his parents, he feels uneasy because of it. The blood has not nourished his brain properly, so it is impossible to think carefully about where his mistake is. What to do next time and what to learn from mistakes.
而如果，孩子感到环境是安全的，他会从这些担忧中，跳出来，就会转向现在的”自己内在思考“，怎样在错误中学习。这种由外部的恐惧压力，变成内部的解决问题的动力，就是孩子自省的核心与实质。
If the child feels that the environment is safe, he will jump out of these worries and turn to his own internal thinking and how to learn from his mistakes. The core and essence of children's introspection lies in the change from external fear pressure to internal motivation to solve problems.
所以这张工具卡，就是教父母怎样引导孩子，我们只要做到卡片上提出的：
So this tool card is to teach parents how to guide their children. We just need to do what the card says:
1、以同情与和善回应错误，而不是羞辱抱怨说教。（为了让孩子没有外部压力，如上所述）
1. Respond to mistakes with compassion and kindness, not with humiliation, complaining and preaching. (In order to keep children free from external pressure, as mentioned above)
2、合适的时候，用启发性问题，帮助孩子探索错误的后果。（为了让孩子自己思考）
2. When appropriate, use enlightening questions to help children explore the consequences of mistakes. (For children to think for themselves)
3、分享犯的错，以及能从中学到什么？（总结经验）
3. Share your mistakes and what can you learn from them? (Summing up experience)
只要按照上面的步骤，我们就能轻而易举地启动孩子的”自省”模式，而避开了我们常用的错误的说教模式。就算打一顿，骂一顿，孩子“听话了”，但是孩子是因为害怕妈妈生气而不敢犯错了，但是，如果没有大人看管，孩子会怎么样呢？他会自觉吗？我们要培养孩子的是，就算知道大人不在的情况下，也清楚自己应该做什么。
As long as we follow the above steps, we can easily start the child's "introspection" mode, and avoid the erroneous preaching mode we often use. Even if a beating, scolding, the child "obedient", but the child is afraid of mother angry and dare not make mistakes, but, if there is no adult care, what will the child do? Will he be conscious? What we need to train our children is to know what to do even when adults are absent.
所以，孩子并不是通过说教，或者打一顿，就能够学会反省的。要花时间训练孩子。
Therefore, children can learn to reflect not by preaching or beating. Take time to train your children.
没有人能够不犯错，孩子会犯错，我们大人也会犯错。学习过这个工具卡以后，才明白，错误本身不可怕，而是不会引导孩子正确看待错误，不会从错误中学习，才是可怕的。
No one can make mistakes, children can make mistakes, and adults can make mistakes. After learning this tool card, we can understand that mistakes are not terrible, but will not guide children to correctly view mistakes, will not learn from mistakes, is terrible.
上面讲了自省，那我们再看看下一条，如何帮助孩子解决自律的问题，如何让孩子自己刷牙，主动写作业。
It talks about introspection, so let's look at the next one, how to help children solve the problem of self-discipline, how to let children brush their teeth and take the initiative to do homework.
2、帮助孩子自律的工具卡——日常惯例
2. Tool Card to Help Children Discipline - Daily Practice
日常惯例表是一个非常就简单的工具，可以解决一个大家都会遇到的挑战，孩子“磨蹭”。并帮助孩子建立自律。
Daily routine table is a very simple tool to solve a challenge that everyone will encounter, children "dawdle". And help children establish self-discipline.
日常惯例表，为什么是一个神奇的工具？
Why is the daily routine table a magical tool?
因为它的秘诀就在于，这个是孩子自己设计，
Because the secret is that this is designed by the child himself.
