Wisdom in life 11: Perfectionism

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Some people desire to be perfect human beings, healthy and beautiful, wise and smart, and successful in everything they do. To achieve this ideal, they exercise strong self-discipline in every aspect of their lives and set high standards for themselves to reach, stage by stage. From time to time, they reflect on their merits and demerits and try to eliminate the undesirable and cultivate better habits, which is labelled the so-called growth mindset.

Will they be successful? I have never seen an example of success in my life. In fiction, many idealised personalities meet their premature dooms, like Jay Gatsby and Martin Eden. Both try to create a perfect image of themselves. Both have idealistic views about life and love. In the end, the former was murdered due to a misunderstanding, and the latter committed suicide.

The failure of these perfectionists and idealists is inevitable because they set too high standards and principles for themselves and live in unrealistic bubbles. Reality is ugly and imperfect, with a mixture of good and bad. Striving for higher standards makes people unhappy and makes them suffer constantly. They are never satisfied with themselves because no one can live up to these fantasies of ideals. The imperfect reality is here before you, but the idealistic fantasy is high up in heaven. So in their striving for better, they are constantly tormenting themselves. If they do not stop in time, if they do not indulge themselves in self-love and acceptance, they will collapse soon.

Moreover, everyone's willpower is limited. If you set several high goals to achieve simultaneously within a certain period, it is impossible and doomed to failure. For example, if a student is preparing for a challenging exam, she should not set the goal of losing weight simultaneously. No one is strong enough to be intellectually challenged while taking in fewer calories. If a fool insists on doing this, he digs his trap.

Idealism and perfectionism are simply illusions. Figure out the most important thing at a time and try to work on it wholeheartedly within a certain period of time. As for the others, try to adopt a lenient attitude and accept the imperfect state of life, which is the true colour of reality. If you do not achieve your goal, instead of blaming yourself, try to love yourself more. Only in this way can you empower yourself and draw new energy.

To sum up, idealism and perfectionism are the culprits for why people set themselves up for failure. Accepting the imperfect, uncertain, sometimes out of control, and, more often than not, the ugly reality is the only way to self-redemption. Loving yourself more, especially in times of failure, can help you get out of the slump and bounce back quickly. These are all counterintuitive truths in life.

生活中的智慧10：完美主义是反直觉的

有些人希望自己成为完美的人，健康美丽，聪明睿智，做什么都成功。为了实现这一理想，他们在生活的方方面面都进行了强烈的自律，为自己设定了高标准，要一个阶段一个阶段地达到。他们偶尔会反思自己的优点和缺陷，努力消除不理想的东西，培养一些更好的习惯，这被称为成长型心态。

他们会成功吗？我在生活中从未见过任何成功的例子。在小说中，很多理想化的人物都走向了毁灭，比如杰伊-盖茨比和马丁-伊登。他们两人都试图创造一个完美的自我形象。他们两人都对生活和爱情怀有理想主义的看法。最后，前者因误解而被杀；后者则自杀。

这些完美主义者和理想主义者的失败是不可避免的，因为他们，为自己设定了太高的标准和原则，生活在不现实的泡沫中。现实是丑陋的，不完美的，好坏参半。追求更高的标准使人痛苦不堪，不断受苦。他们从来没有对自己满意过，因为没有人能够达到那些高理想的幻想。不完美的现实就在你面前；然而，理想主义的幻想却在高高的天空中。因此，在争取更好的过程中，他们在不断地折磨自己。如果他们不适时停止，如果他们不对自己宽松，总有一天，他们会崩溃的。

此外，每个人的意志力都是有限的。在一定的时间范围内，如果人们同时设定几个高目标来实现，那是不可能的，注定要失败。例如，如果一个学生为一个具有挑战性的考试做准备，她就不应该同时设定减肥的目标。没有人足够强大到可以接受智力挑战，同时维持较低的卡路里供应。如果一个傻瓜坚持这样做，他就是在自掘陷阱。

理想主义和完美主义只是一种幻想。一次搞清楚最重要的一件事，全心全意地努力去做。至于其它方面，尽量采取宽松的态度，接受生活的不完美，这是现实的真实色彩。如果你没能实现你的目标，与其责备自己，不如试着更爱自己。只有这样做，你才是在为自己赋能，为自己重新注入活力。

总而言之，理想主义和完美主义是人们把自己推向失败的原因。接受不完美的、不确定的、有时失控的、经常是丑陋的现实是自我救赎的唯一途径。多爱自己，特别是在失败的时候，可以帮助你走出低谷，迅速重新开始。这些都是生活中反直觉的真理。

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