正面管教工具使用解析：第31到第40张

为方便家长们学到最原汁原味的正面管教知识，我从国外找来一些正面管教资料。以下为正面管教英文站的译文（注：本人英文水平有限，以下内容是谷歌在线直译得来的，欢迎英语水平好的家长校正，我只是知识里的搬运工），更多详细的内容可以参考早期学习正面管教网友分享的正面管教揭密内容。

三十一、执行：如果你说出来，就是认真的。如果你是认真的，就去执行。 孩子知道什么时候你是认真的，什么时候不是。 如果你说：“穿好睡衣，刷好牙，八点钟我们就开始讲故事。”如果孩子到八点还没准备好，亲切地指出时间，让孩子上床，不讲故事。 鼓励：“你可以明天再试试。”

Execution: If you say it, it's serious. If you are serious, go ahead. The child knows when you are serious and when you are not. If you say, "Put on your pajamas and brush your teeth, we'll start telling stories at eight o'clock." If the child is not ready by 8 o'clock, kindly point out the time, let the child go to bed, do not tell stories. Encouragement: "You can try again tomorrow." 

三十二、家庭会议：通过每周家庭会议，孩子学习社会和生活技能。 家庭会议的形式： 1） 致谢和感谢。  2） 评估以前的解决办法。 3） 议程（可选）： a. 分享感受 b. 讨论  c. 头脑风暴解决办法  4） 日历：活动计划、膳食计划。 5） 趣味活动和甜点。 

Family meetings: Through weekly family meetings, children learn social and life skills. Forms of Family Meetings: 1) Thanks and thanks. 2) Evaluate previous solutions. 3) Agenda (optional): a. Sharing feelings B. Discussing C. Brainstorming solutions 4) Calendar: Activity plan, meal plan. 5) Interesting activities and desserts.   

三十三、积极的暂停：人们感觉更好时做得更好，积极暂停帮助我们冷静下来，感觉好起来。 1） 和孩子一起创建一个暂停区，让他们决定暂停区是什么样的，放什么东西。 2） 让孩子给暂停区取个特别的名字。 3） 当他们感到沮丧时问：“去你的      区有帮助吗？”  4） 作出使用积极暂停的榜样，当你沮丧时，去你自己的暂停区。 

Thirty-three. Positive pause: People do better when they feel better. Positive pause helps us calm down and feel better. 1) Create a pause zone with your child and let them decide what the pause zone is like and what to put in it. 2) Let the child give the suspension area a special name. 3) When they feel depressed, they ask, "Is it helpful to go to your district?" 4) Set an example of using positive pauses. When you are depressed, go to your own pause zone.   

三十四、给予关注：孩子是否感到他们无足轻重的？  1） 放下你正在做的事，把注意力集中到孩子身上，他/她比你所做的任何事情都重要。 2） 不要忘记安排特别时光。（参照特别时光卡） 3） 记住托尼.莫里斯所说的：“当他们走进房间时，你的眼睛亮起来了吗？” 

Pay attention: Do children feel they are insignificant? 1) Put aside what you are doing and focus on your child, who is more important than anything you do. 2) Don't forget to arrange special time. (Refer to Special Time Card) 3) Remember what Tony Morris said: "Did your eyes light up when they entered the room?"   

三十五、我注意到：告诉孩子你观察到的，通常就足以激励孩子的改变了。 1）“我注意到湿毛巾放在了你的床上。” 2）“我看到画画工具还在饭桌上，马上就到吃饭时间了。” 3）“我看到你的自行车在外面，现在开始下雨了。” 4）仅仅观察，表达对他们有能力找到解决办法的信任。

Thirty-five. I noticed that telling your child what you have observed is usually enough to motivate the child to change. 1) "I noticed the wet towel on your bed." 2) "I can see that the drawing tools are still on the table. It's time for dinner." 3) "I saw your bicycle outside. It's beginning to rain now." 4) Just observe and express their trust in their ability to find solutions. 

三十六、避免娇纵：家长的一个错误是：以爱的名义娇纵。  1）娇惯造成孩子的懦弱，因为它让孩子形成这样的信念，其它人应该为他们做好所有事情。 2）你能够给孩子的最好礼物之一是允许他们发展“我能行”的信念。 3）当孩子学习到自己能够在生活的坎坷中生存时，他们就有了能力感 

36. Avoid indulgence: One of the parents'mistakes is to indulge in the name of love. 1) spoiled children cause cowardice, because it allows them to form such a belief that others should do everything for them. 2) One of the best gifts you can give your children is to allow them to develop the belief that I can do it. 3) When children learn that they can survive the ups and downs of life, they have a sense of competence.

三十七、愤怒选择轮：  1)  教孩子有情绪是正常的，但他们的所作所为不一定总是对的。  2) 在孩子平静的时候，展示愤怒选择轮，看看表达愤怒的其它尊重性的替代方法。 3) 孩子生气时，认同他的感受提供选择：“现在有什么能帮到你，积极的暂停，还是选择轮？”

It is normal to teach children to have emotions, but what they do may not always be right. 2) When the child is calm, show the anger selection wheel and see other respectful alternatives to expressing anger. 3) When the child is angry, identify with his feelings and offer choices: "What can help you now, actively pause, or choose the wheel?" 

三十八、控制你自己的行为：榜样是最好的老师。  1）当你无法控制自己的行为时，还希望能够孩子能控制他们的行为吗？ 2）创建你自己的特别暂停区，当你需要使用它时告诉孩子。 3）如果你不能离开冲突现场，数到10，或者深呼吸。 4）当你犯错误时，对孩子道歉。 

38. Control your own behavior: Example is the best teacher. 1) When you can't control your behavior, do you want your children to control their behavior? 2) Create your own special pause area and tell your child when you need to use it. 3) If you can't leave the scene of the conflict, count to 10, or breathe deeply. 4) When you make a mistake, apologize to your child. 

三十九、修复错误三步曲：我们如何对待错误，比犯错误本身更重要。 当你有机会冷静下来后，使用这些步骤：  1） 承认（Recognize）以负责而不是指责的态度承认错误。 2） 和好（Reconcile）道歉，孩子们是如此宽容大度。 3） 解决（RESOLVE）共同寻找相互尊重的解决方法。 

Thirty-nine. Repairing mistakes: How we deal with mistakes is more important than making mistakes themselves. When you have the opportunity to calm down, use these steps: 1) Recognize and acknowledge mistakes in a responsible rather than blaming manner. 2) Reconcile apologies, children are so tolerant. 3) Resolution (RESOLVE) jointly seeks solutions that respect each other.   

四十、破解密码：使用正面管教书中的错误目的图表。 1）选择一个问题行为。  2）辨别你的感觉，以及你是如何应对的。 3）辨别当你告诉孩子停止时，孩子的反应。  4）使用错误目的表，辨别孩子行为背后可能的信念。 5）尝试错误目的表最后一栏的建议，鼓励行为的。

40. Decrypt the code: Use the wrong purpose chart in the positive teaching. 1) Choose a problem behavior. 2) Identify how you feel and how you deal with it. 3) Identify how your child reacts when you tell him to stop. 4) Use the wrong goal list to identify the beliefs behind children's behavior. 5) Try the last column of the wrong goal list to encourage behavior.

更详细的内容可以参考一个早期学习正面管教网友分享的有相正向管教的内容《正面管教》