2020年3月9日-3月15日第一周写作作业讲评
第一周的写作作业是教材第二单元的段落写作练习。练习的题目是：Some people say that playing a team sport, such as soccer or basketball should be compulsory for students because it has many benefits. What are the benefits of team sport for high school students? 这个题目的要点是team sport，benefits和high school students。段落中体现出了这三个要素在任务回应这个方面就基本达到了要求。具体来说，大家可以谈一下团队体育项目如足球、篮球、排球在培养学生团队精神、合作精神、交流能力、判断能力和公平竞赛的运动员精神等方面的作用。当然，如果讨论团队项目对中学生身体和精神健康的好处也没有问题。针对中学生这个关键点我们可以讨论他们的学习压力大、课业负担重，容易出现学习倦怠和亚健康的问题来讨论团队体育运动的好处。
下面是一篇标准答案大家可以参考一下。
Sports such as soccer and basketball are popular among high school students. There are lots of benefits to be gained from in team sports. Firstly, there are physical benefits, such as developing fitness and muscles. Secondly, playing a team sport can help to lower stress levels and in addition it can enable students to avoid later health problems such as heart disease or high blood pressure. In addition, sports players can learn useful teamwork skills that will help them in their studies and later in their lives. Finally, playing team sports leads to the development of social skills, as students make friends and enjoy the support of their team. (108 words)
在这次提交的作业中也有不少同学写得很不错，在这里我也向大家推荐三篇优秀作业供大家学习和借鉴：
1）班级：L3-A 姓名：Clementine 学号：20193000321
日期：2020/3/13 作业序号（Writing Assignment No.）：001
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To begin with, there is no doubt that participating in team sport promotes mutual communication among the peers in the sports team. It is essential that exercise everyone's teamwork ability and improve team awareness. A case in point is that a variety of physical activities such as basketball and football is a team battle, which requires team awareness. With this being the case, we can learn something we can't learn in textbooks and better understand the importance of teamwork. Also playing a team sport can improve students' physical fitness, enable people have health body. What’s more sufficient exercise can make our bodies healthier and improve our working efficiency. For example, some students with extraordinary academic performance will join sports club to refresh their minds after hard work to ease students’ academic pressure. (132 words)
作者：a就想不到名字
链接：https://www.jianshu.com/p/58c25d1ac456
来源：简书
著作权归作者所有。商业转载请联系作者获得授权，非商业转载请注明出处。
评改意见：本文段落中心突出、论证充分且有一定深度; 段落中观点和例证组织比较有序、自然; 段落内句与句连接比较顺畅，句式使用比较恰当，灵活; 用词比较较确切，得体。文章中有以下个别语言和标点错误，如“It is essential that exercise everyone's teamwork ability and improve team awareness. “，这个句子建议改为：“It is essential that 【加上： we should foster】（exercise这个词去掉） everyone's teamwork ability and improve team awareness. ”以及下面这句话里面的“What’s more sufficient exercise can make our bodies healthier and improve our working efficiency.”“What's more“”后面要加上逗号，“can”后面加上“not only”和在“healthier”后面加上“ but also” 并去掉“and”一词，但总体上来说这些表达上的一些小问题在总体上不调影响内容的传递和交流。
2）班级：L3-B 姓名：Eric 学号：20193000602
日期：2020/3/14 作业序号（Writing Assignment No.）：001
Team sports have many benefits for high school students, and they should take part in sports such as basketball and football. First, high school students face a lot of pressure to learn, participate in these sports can appropriately reduce their stress. Second,
many of today's high school students are facing problems such as overuse of
cervical vertebral and obesity, and team sports can help high school students
avoid these health problems. Finally, group sports, such as basketball, can
enhance students' sense of participation and responsibility, inspire students'
imagination and creativity, and help them to learn and make new friends in the
future. (102 words)
作者：E_2955
链接：https://www.jianshu.com/p/43a3d76d4981
来源：简书
著作权归作者所有。商业转载请联系作者获得授权，非商业转载请注明出处。
评改意见：理由充分，论证严谨，行文顺畅，但如果能在某个理由后面增加一两个例子论证更有说服力。
3）班级：L3-c 姓名: Vincent 学号：20193001204
日期：2020/3/9 作业序号（Writing Assignment No.）：001
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Team sport play an important role in student’s high school life. On the surface, team sport as a sport is good for students’ health. Students can improve their immunity by playing sport. Team sport can also help student relieve fatigue which produced by long time study. After playing short time football or basketball, students can relax themselves and study more efficiently. From the view of deep significance, team sport can improv e student friendship and make the class becoming more cohesive and more creative. team sport can help students cultivating cooperative spirit of group. And team spirits play an important role in our life. whatever at work or study, group spirits can help us deal problem more efficiently. Control this ability can let students know how to division of labor. (130)
作者：千层樱饼
链接：https://www.jianshu.com/p/28146f8fb6ec
来源：简书
著作权归作者所有。商业转载请联系作者获得授权，非商业转载请注明出处。
评改意见：1）这个小文段论证很有层次和深度，内容也很充实和有条理。2）文章后面有一点语言和格式问题，如在From the view of deep significance, team sport can improv e student friendship and make the class becoming more cohesive and more creative. team sport can help students cultivating cooperative spirit of group. 这句话中improve后面两个单词分开了； team sport这个句子前面最好加上because使前后两个思想点关系更清晰；后面这两句话And team spirits play an important role in our life. whatever at work or study, group spirits can help us deal problem more efficiently.同理，不过这里可以用as或者since以避免与前面重复；这句话Control this ability can let students know how to division of labor.前面可以加上In addition同时把这句话的用词改为：a mastery of this ability can enable students to know how to cope with the issue of labor division.
此外下面几位同学的作业也在某些地方有很多长处值得我们学习：
1）班级：L3-C 姓名：Ananas 学号：20193000408
日期：2020/3/10 作业序号（Writing Assignment No.）：002
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In my opinion, team sports must do more good than harm. We all have team sports in our middle and high school. For example, we have an interclass basketball match every year. In this activity, our basketball players need a long training period. So they create their own tacit understanding. Based on these tacit understandings, they will generally have a good relationship, that is, they will become very good friends.So team sports create good relationships. In addition, the tacit understanding of basketball players is not only reflected in sports, but also in study. Their tacit understanding will make them more convenient in communication and learning. So team sports can also improve the efficiency of learning. (116 words)
作者：Ananas机智
链接：https://www.jianshu.com/p/1cd6e0007d68
来源：简书
著作权归作者所有。商业转载请联系作者获得授权，非商业转载请注明出处。
评改意见：本文篮球的例子很恰当很有说服力，但是前面主题句和辅助句的表述不太清楚，影响了本文的交流效果。建议把段落开头部分改为：In my opinion, team sports like football, basketball or baseball do much good to middle school students. These sports train young people to be more sociable and more productive in their subject learning. ( 我这里补充了一句话用来概述后面的例子的大意，这样做会使段落更加连贯和统一。）Take our annual interclass basketball match as an example.
2) 班级：L3-A 姓名：Alia 学号：20193000213 日期：2020/3/10 作业序号（Writing Assignment No.）：001
When high school students start team sports, they can release the pressure from study in the exercise, let the brain have a rest, but also in the exercise process can exercise your body , keep students healthy. At the same time, it improved students social communication skills with others. For example playing soccer, because of the distance and students need to loud speaking with teammates, that can release pressure appropriately, and run around on the playground, also let the leg muscles get exercise, before the game, the team discussion can improve their social skills, and at the end of the sports also developed your social circle, to make new friends.(110 words)
作者：枳_4e33
链接：https://www.jianshu.com/p/e867b4f68357
来源：简书
著作权归作者所有。商业转载请联系作者获得授权，非商业转载请注明出处。
评改意见：1）足球比赛的例子举得很独特也很有说服力；2）下面几个分论点有些语言错误：When high school students start team sports, they can （ can后面加上not only更通顺） release the pressure from study in the exercise, let the brain have a rest, but also in the exercise process（这里最好改为 the exercise process but also） can exercise your body , keep students healthy. At the same time, it improved(improved这个词时态不对，应该用一般现在时 improves) students social communication skills with others.
此外我还要特别表扬一下L3-A的Lori同学。Lori同学在我们三个班中第一个交了作业，效率一级高，后面还写了二稿，态度非常认真，非常值得我们大家学习。
班级：L3-A 姓名： Lori 学号：20193000108
日期：2020/3./9 作业序号(writing Assignment No )001
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题目：Some people say that playing a team sport, such as soccer or basketball, should be compulsory for students because it has many benefits. What are the benefits of team sport for high school students?
Many high school students like to play team sports in their spare time or in PE class. There is no denying that team sports benefit the high school students in many aspects .First of all, team sports are good for students' physical and mental health ,as we know ,High school students study under great pressure, not only does team sports make the body relax but also it can relieve people’s pressure. Furthermore, playing a team sports can help students build up their body ,strengthen their resistance and avoid the occurrence of many diseases, such as catch a cold and heart attacks .last but nor least ,when taking part in team sports ,students can learn the spirit of cooperation and optimism ,it can help enhance the friendship between classmates and it can cultivate their ability to overcome difficulties.(197words )
作者：幽瞳_63f9
链接：https://www.jianshu.com/p/d4dede627d09
来源：简书
著作权归作者所有。商业转载请联系作者获得授权，非商业转载请注明出处。
二稿评改意见：其他地方没什么问题，主要是这里第一个分论点First of all, team sports are good for students' physical and mental health ,as we know ,High school students study under great pressure,not only does team sports make the body relax but also it can relieve people’s pressure.
跟后面的论证意思上有些重复和交叉。建议把这里改为：First of all, team sports are good for students' mental health. As we know, high school students study under great pressure, but if they go for a team sport like football or basketball after class they can not only make both their body and mind relax but also become more energetic and focused.
本次作业的主要问题有以下三个：一是观点太多，没有展开；二是衔接词使用不足；三是一些段落格式、单词拼写、语法、标点符号等小错比较多，在一定程度上会影响读者对文稿的顺畅阅读。
建议大家可以从一个理由开始练习写作，考虑一下如何对这个理由进行解释？如何进行举例说明？然后再练习第二个理由。一个段落最多3-4个理由就可以了，不是越多越好。选择理由时不要贪新、贪高、贪大，因为那些东西不是考试的要求，我们只要把简单明了普通的东西说清楚、说明白就达到了要求，至于创意写作的问题我们以后有时间、有兴趣再去操练也不迟。
以下四个标准英文举例和因果论证的段落大家可以学习一下。如果有时间也可以自己模仿续写一下，写完之后可以发表在简书app上面再转发到我们课程微信群跟大家一起交流和学习。同时鼓励大家多多在我们简书app课程专题留言、点评和互动，因为只有经过你思考和关注的知识和技能你才能真正掌握、熟练和内化。互动不是浪费时间而是更高效的吸收和学习。分享和参与都是一种美德。
1） Books are of various kinds and different contents. We have history books recording past events, geography books dealing with the earth, mathematics books focusing on space and numbers, language books studying the means of communication and literary books reflecting social problems. In a word, we have various books dealing with different things in the world.
2） In order to prevent non-smokers from being affected, measures must be taken to reduce the chances of smoking. A lot of work can be done concerning this. For example, in some public places, such as in theatres, cinemas, smoking should be forbidden. Even on the train or plane people should not allowed to smoke. Doctors, teachers, government leaders should take the lead not to smoke. Above all, the harmfulness and dangers caused by smoking should be made known to all through newspapers, broadcast, or TV programmes. Also, the growing of tobacco and the production of cigarettes should not be encouraged. Only in this way can we effectively reduce the chances of smoking.
3） Diligence is the key factor of success. Why? Diligence gives every man and woman, every boy and girl, proper work to do. Many men have become great because of their hardship. Diligence can make a fool wise and a poor man rich. Thus, we know that diligence is a good thing.
4） There are four major reasons why I like New York City. First of all, I think it is a beautiful city. It is filled with steel, glass skyscrapers, charming, old stone buildings, and attractive parks and squares. Second, I enjoy the cultural life which New York offers. In addition, I appreciate the light entertainment the city gives. Finally I like the diversity of people in New York City.
最后我还想说的是因为时间和篇幅的原因这次作业评改我只是抽查了三分之一左右同学的作业，有一些写得很好的作业我也不能一一在这里分享和点评，所以希望大家有时间多在我们专题去自己探索和发现，并持之以恒地练笔，只要用心学习和笔耕不辍，每一个人的英文写作都能到达新的高度并取得长足的进步和提升。最终能从写作的必然王国走向自由境界。
