雪山在唱歌| C2 Morph <4>
Singing Snowberg
Chapter Two
Morph <4>
Chros©
Back to the ship. “We don’t think she would wake up at this circumstance, so we will freeze her body, hope someday we will be able to wake her up.” She was put into a liquid nitrogen container, freezing gas spoiled all over the deck floor, then she was encaged, insulated, in that coldness and loneliness, and what’s unacceptable is: if I have to calculate the time she will be there, most likely, forever.
A beautiful melody flows in when I plugged in the earphones, it’s the voice of a flute, slow and steady. Now I remembered how she died, there’s no guilt anymore. I managed to get back before midday, and got straight to the canteen room. I’m not used to wearing headphones, it’s so unreal when watching people move their mouths but all I hear is the music. Taking off the earphones, things go back to normal. I guess I don’t want to be insulated. But, what’s normal is what I’m hearing, what about the things and people? Are they real? Is this reality? I don’t know, and I don’t want conversations to test this.
“It could be true.” This is what Morph said. The hidden meaning is: it could be fake.
I’m facing a bowl of mashed potatoes, it was steamed potatoes half an hour ago. Lucy is there, looked unhappy, could be fake. I need a sleep indeed.
“Do you want him?” Morph asked me, but I didn’t reply. She smiled a dangerous smile, looked devious to me, “you can’t lie when you are with me, I know what’re you thinking.” I shrugged, “then why did you ask?” “It gets better if letting off.” She doesn’t looked creepy anymore, if how I think is how I look, she will be a beautiful girl from now on.
“Yes I want him, I want his care.” But I don’t know him too much. “You’ve already saw him through,” she slides open the illusion of sea again, this time the frost forest. I hope the memories left here are positive.
I was alone, where’s Devo? The sky was blank white, I was just walking, mind in this body. But wait, my body was transparent blue, I felt my feathers on my skin, they were trembled as I walked. I was in that blue deer’s body! I felt her heart beating with excitement in her chest, but her footsteps were unbelievably steady. Why was she this excited?
The path was never the path in her eyes, we went into the deep of forest. This reminded me of the underwater feeling. Drowned in the sea of blue. This sea was made of those transparent shells covered the trunks’ surface. We got deeper and deeper, by then everywhere was blue. I didn’t remember that place, that’s not my memory. I felt the heat in my chest, in that forest of coldness I realised I never felt cold. Her eyes just looked ahead, walked past every little hills and trees. Walking without stopping.
Next moment I see Devo, with my real body back.
“Devo? Are you true?” I grab his arms, oh my God I can speak with my will. “Yes? Why?” He turns around. Something’s not right while I can’t figure it out.
“Did you see a Blenised deer?” I don’t know why I was in her body but I can’t see her anymore. “No. You just talked about it, and you cried.”
Oh yes, this is the memory after my crying. Where are we? I don’t remember this place, but it’s not very different.
“I have a question?” He speaks out of the blue, “why don’t you go back to Argentina?” I guess this is one of the hardest questions. Anyway, since I can control myself and this is only my memory, does it means I can change my memories? I feel the cold is crawling up my veins. Devo, him, so true in front of me, and I want him. The heat is burning in my chest, this desire, this is only a dream only a dream only a dream. I close my eyes and pray: if he’s still there when I open my eyes again, I shall hold him in my arms. But wait, if I do it, how could I face him in reality? He’s still here, looking into my eyes, luring me. I get closer to him, this is fake this is fake. Strangely the temperature is not right, so hot, I take off my coat.
“It’s bizarrely hot.” “Are you sick,” he touches my forehead to make sure, “please Cyano take it on, you’re not well.” I crouch down. He reaches my shoulders to pull me up. Can I hold myself oh no, this is stupid, I’m in his chest, he’s holding me through my arm pits. Come on Cyano, but I want to stay longer, just two seconds, no this is really stupid, five seconds you idiot, what’s the matter? I control my dream. I must have blush on my cheek.
“Are you alright? Should we go back to the hospital?” “ No!” I put myself straight, “we’ll visit Rosa.”
This is the stupidest thing I ever did in my whole life. I feel dizzy, everything is so unnatural, come on this is a dream!
I don’t know if Morph was playing on me or what, but at least I felt good, a good dream. I have to clean myself before going to work, I had a nocturnal emission. This is strange, when was the last time I had it? I just don’t remember. I look at my body in the mirror, and suddenly feel the sadness, it possessed me already, not because my body is ugly, but the colour. Cold light is covering my naked body, looked blue, she was in this colour when they stripped her naked and put them in the nitrogen. The little happiness in my dream went off from my body. I get dressed, sighing.
