雪山在唱歌| C8 Verse <3>
Singing Snowberg
Chapter Eight
Verse <3>
Chros©
In the film, two women were crying together beside the river, the twigs of willow were swaying softly behind them in the summer Siberia. It’s strange that all the scenes in the film were surreal. Eating mangos by the fireplace, jumping ropes in the snow. They all reminded me of that magic show I saw many years ago.
There’s a white sphere in midair. A chainsaw suddenly fell and the sphere was cut in two in the middle. Many white rabbits jumped out from that ball with particles of foamed plastics. None of them were hurt.
I don’t know why I’m recalling this. That show wasn’t so marvellous to make me still remember it till nowadays, maybe it’s a random reflection. The past passed from before my eyes. Anyway I don’t care. The past is only a fraction of my life. And years later I’ll remember how much I cared about it, and how I did my best to keep them alive. Which took a great toll from me, almost kicked me down to the ground.
Salix is mad about the plot, he has to figure it out. “I don’t quite understand why did she killed him. What’s the motivation.” “Maybe she doesn’t know when she did it. Because the film didn’t tell us.” “Then what’s the point of that film?” “Siberian landscapes are beautiful, and the love there is beautiful.” “That kind of love sucks, I don’t like it.”
But sick loves exist everywhere in every corner of this world. We haven’t experienced them, that’s the reason why we don’t understand them. But love isn’t sucked. “Salix don’t say that, we just don’t know how they feel.” He seems pissed, “but I don’t know how you feel and I understand you.” No stupid Salix you don’t see the whole. “Yes, I feel the same for you.” I lied to him. But he got more pissed, “you don’t, idiot. If you do you would agreed with me the first place!” This is too much. I walk out of the theatre with my fastest pace. Why so serious? He saw through my attitude and grabbed it so fast. I’m suffocating.
Back in my cell we’re still quarrelling. “How come you never be open to me? Am I your love? Oh fuck… don’t you dare shake your head. What? You don’t know or I’m not? Cyano look at me please… you’re my only…. Why are you shaking your head?… What? My head isn’t clear? It’s you who’s not clear. Why do you being so fuzzy?”
We both don’t know anything about love, it’ll never give us answers. Suddenly I remember Lejanía, the place we’ll have to get back to in the end, all the answers will come to their ends there. “Ma-sa-lo ma-sa-lo o-la-san o-la-san o-la-san, ma-sa-lo o-la-san ma-sa-lo o-la-san….”
I meant “I’m feeling lonely”. It works, his look softens with me repeating those strange words. We hug when I keep repeating. My feelings change but my words don’t change while its meaning changes to “I feel so warm”. And he starts to sing with me. At first when he sings “ma-sa-lo” I speak “o-la-san”; then occasionally he sings “ma-sa-lo” with me the same time; then sparsely I speak our “o-la-san” in line with him; finally, we align to the original foam: Ma-sa-lo ma-sa-lo o-la-san o-la-san o-la-san.
“Cyano I’m sorry, I was just… forget it. Anyway I….” “You don’t have to say, I know you love me.” “How to say in that language?” I smile and speak slowly, “qui-co-lay qui-co-lay ya-lo-ik ya-lo-ik. You have to look me in the eyes to spell it right.”
Sunder cried when she saw that snowberg beside the lake, I took it for granted because none of us escaped this fate. I wish I could cry for an other time but I don’t think I’ll have someone to cry for anymore.
“How do you feel?” This is an untimely question, so I answer it for her, “I see a little boy,” I didn’t lie, “he’s playing on the ice.” This is strange, the lake wasn’t sealed last time when we took Rosa to this place. Sunder cries more louder, she manages to speak, “I see my father and my grandpa… NO! NO!… NO! No no… please don’t go.” She’s begging in vain. We couldn’t see what she sees yet have known what she might experience right now. Her tears were frozen and dropped down and cracked on the pebbles. “Sunder. They aren’t real, they aren’t real, just illusion.” She croaks, “you shouldn’t take me here.”
