总是不由自主的指责对方 怎么办？
提问：每当别人做的不够好时，我就会不由自主的用语言或者冷漠不搭理的方式指责对方。这样做的结果是双方都不开心。我意识到这样不对，还是会不由自主的这么做。即使克制住不说出来，身体和面部也会表现出来。处在情况当中，我很矛盾，事后，又觉得这么做不对。是我自己无法平静的面对自己和他人，怎么做？
提问：The question is when other people don’t perform well I can’t help blaming them by words and cold manners, which makes both sides unhappy. I realize it’s inappropriate to do this but I can’t control myself. Sometimes I can keep my mouth shut, but my body gesture will sold me out. I feel contradicted in this situation I know I can’t confront myself and other people calmly, what should I do to improve.
回答：首先你需要明白你对自己很严厉，当你自己表现不好的时候你会责怪自己。你想想看是这样的吗？当然我们会以对待自己的方式来对待别人。如果你对自己的要求很高很严格，那么我们对别人的要求自然也会很高。如果你能明白这点，答案就很简单了。你需要学会接受不完美的自己。我们会犯错，有时候表现不好，但这些都是可以接受的。
我们尽力做到最好，这就够了。如果我们能够接受自己的不完美，那么我们就能够接受其他人的。然而要学会这些比较不容易，所以为此我们开设了维持6天的研习班。我们可以学习如果尊重、接受和爱自己， 这些都是从儿童时代习得的。当你还是个孩子的时候，如果没有得到你想要的尊重和肯定，你会通过让自己变得更完美来获得，自然你对自己的要求就会很高。
当你长大了你还是通过这种方法来获得别人的肯定，并且以相同的标准来要求别人。因为你觉得自己这样做，那么理所当然别人也应该这样。所以问题的答案在于你需要学会如何尊重和爱一个并不完美的自己。
回答：Well the first thing is to understand that you treat yourself like this, you only blame yourself, you’re hard on yourself when you don’t perform well. Just take a moment to see if that’s true. And of course the way we treat ourselves is how we treat other people. If we have very high standards and high judgments on ourselves, we will do the same with all the people around us, and if we can see that, then the answer is clear, the answer is to learn how to accept ourselves to learn yes we’re not always perfect, we make mistakes, we don’t always perform well and that’s okay.
We do our best, and that’s good enough. Now if we can really learn to accept that about ourselves of course we will have accepted in other people. But it’s very difficult to learn to do this to ourselves that’s why we have a whole 6 days workshop just for this. The Emoil? workshop where we learn how to respect, accept and love ourselves as we are. And it’s important to understand that this is something comes from childhood, and obviously when you’re a child, you didn’t get the respect, the approval that you needed and so you were desperately to get that by being perfect, by being the best, and you put very high standards on yourself.
Then of course you’ve forgotten that you’re still doing that now even though you’re grown up and consciously you’re still trying to get approval from other people by being perfect and then you will treat everyone else surround you, If you have to do that, then you feel they should also be doing that. So the answer lies in just bringing back yourself. How can you learn to love and respect yourself even when you’re not perfect?
