当我们遇到苦难时要寻求帮助

（英文原文来自The School of Life）

来自The School of Life

有时，并没人真正关心这一点，清晰地可怕。别人只是注意到我们在，他们几乎不会待在我们身边，听我们必须要说的话。我们的示意，他们一个也抓不住，他们正在淹没性地全神贯注于他们自己的项目和每天要操心的事。

来自The School of Life

在这样的证据基础上，对于我们的状况，我们很容易陷入一种很大的、该死的、危险地心碎的结论：我们极度孤单，极度远离任何联系或者共情的可能性。

来自The School of Life

但是真相可能马上会比较平常而且更加有希望。我们大部分人类极度热心帮忙，当我们注意到一个紧急的需求，但是我们也会不断地分心，和我们的生活相处极其痛苦，不太可能会认识到我们身边的人有什么要紧的事，除非问题被清晰地、不含糊地说出来。但是只有这样，我们才会具体行动，用我们所有的智力和意愿，去承担别人的痛苦。

来自The School of Life

换句话说就是，我们对尖叫会反应很好，但是对示意却很糟。尤其是当我们认识的人自杀时，我们会把这个意愿放在首位。我们确定，如果我们之前知道他们多么绝望，我们一定会做相当多的事情去帮忙。同时，我们也知道，我们之前并没有询问太多，之前没有亲近地关注他们的暗示，而且，一定是给出了一种一直很忙的印象。我们感到，可以理解地，完全地厌恶和麻木无情。

来自The School of Life

我们应该明智地去排练这些人类本性的因素，不带仇恨或诧异，当我们与我们极度的脆弱和绝望为邻时。别人表面上的冷漠，真的只是表面上的。我们应该试着去尖叫。

来自The School of Life

悲哀的是，我们倾向于在本该最需要的时候，缺乏自信去精确地尖叫。因为一种原始的难堪，在我们处于需要状态时裹挟着我们，就好像独自用我们自己的聪明才智熬过生活，是任何一个人职权范围内的事情。处于绝望状态的悲剧的一部分，就是我们的痛苦对我们来说，多么不合法。

来自The School of Life

不过依然，我们决不能允许我们自己忘记，不管别人表面上的冷漠，这么一些人永远在我们身边，当他们看到眼前有紧急情况，他们会跳进冰河去救一个完全陌生的人。如果我们明白地知道，有人（即使是随便一个认识的人）此时很需要我们，我们很可能丢下任何东西并且跑着去帮忙。

来自The School of Life

但同时，我们还是在读懂人的想法和示意方面没有希望。下一次，当我们有麻烦时，我们必须记得，不要痛恨我们自己要求帮助，并且应该大声说出来，对一种认知抱有希望，就是我们周围的绝大多数人会回应我们的痛苦，一旦他们听到。我们需要记得，喊得大声一点，厌恶我们自己少一点。

自己截屏

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Asking for Help When We're in Trouble

来自The School of Life

It can, at points, seem horrifically clear that simply no one really cares. They barely notice our presence, they hardly stick around to listen to what we have to say, they catch none of our hints – and they are overwhelmingly preoccupied with their own projects and day-to-day concerns.

来自The School of Life

On the basis of such evidence, it is easy for us to fall into a large, damning and dangerously heart-breaking conclusion about our situation: that we are profoundly alone – far beyond any possibility of connection or empathy.

来自The School of Life

But the truth may be at once more mundane and rather more hopeful. Most of us humans are extremely keen to help when we notice an urgent need, but we are also continuously distracted, grievously taken up with our lives and unlikely to spot that there is anything at all the matter with people around us unless the problem is spelt out in the clearest, most unambiguous terms. Then, but only then, will we swing into action and bring the whole of our intelligence and will to bear on another’s pains.

来自The School of Life

In other words, we respond well to screams, but terribly to hints. The issue comes particularly to the fore in tragic cases where someone we know takes their own life. We are certain that we would, if we had known how desperate they felt, have done pretty much anything to help. At the same time, we also know that we didn’t enquire very much, didn’t look too closely for hints and must surely have given off an impression of constant busy-ness. We feel, understandably, entirely wretched and callous.

来自The School of Life

We would be wise to rehearse these facts about human nature without rancour or surprise when we are next at our most fragile and desperate. The apparent indifference of others truly is only apparent. We need o learn to scream.

来自The School of Life

Sadly, we tend to lack any confidence to do so precisely when it would be most necessary because a primal embarrassment takes hold of us around being in need, as if it was in the remit of any human to get through life by their own wits alone. Part of the tragedy of being desperate is how illegitimate our agony feels to us.

来自The School of Life

Yet we should never allow ourselves to forget that, whatever the surface indifference of others, we are surrounded by people who, when they see an emergency in front of them, will jump into icy rivers to rescue total strangers. If we know unambiguously that someone (even a casual acquaintance) needs us a lot right now, we will probably drop everything and run to assist.

来自The School of Life

But at the same time, we are hopeless at reading minds or taking hints. The next time we are in trouble, we must remember not to hate ourselves for requiring help and should call out, hopeful in the knowledge that most people around us will respond to our pain once it reaches their ears. We need to remember to scream a little louder – and hate ourselves a little less.

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