THE CATCHER IN THE RYE-18

When I left the skating rink I felt sort of hungry, so I went in this drugstore and had a Swiss cheese sandwich and a malted, and then I went in a phone booth. I thought maybe I might give old Jane another buzz and see if she was home yet. I mean I had the whole evening free, and I thought I'd give her a buzz and, if she was home yet, take her dancing or something somewhere. I never danced with her or anything the whole time I knew her. I saw her dancing once, though. She looked like a very good dancer. It was at this Fourth of July dance at the club. I didn't know her too well then, and I didn't think I ought to cut in on her date. She was dating this terrible guy, Al Pike, that went to Choate. I didn't know him too well, but he was always hanging around the swimming pool. He wore those white Lastex kind of swimming trunks, and he was always going off the high dive. He did the same lousy old half gainer all day long. It was the only dive he could do, but he thought he was very hot stuff. All muscles and no brains.

我从溜冰场出来，觉得有点儿饿，就到咖啡馆里吃了一客干酪夹馅面包，喝了杯麦乳精，然后走进电话间。我本来想再打个电话给琴，问问她有没有回家。我是说我整个晚上没事，所以想打个电话给她，她要是已经回家了，就约她出来跳舞什么的。我认识她已有那么长时间，可是从来没跟她一块儿跳过舞。我倒是看见她跳过一次舞，好象跳得很好。那次是在俱乐部里举行的庆祝七月四日的舞会，我当时跟她还不熟，觉得自己不应该过去夹三。约她跳舞的是那个在乔埃特念书的可怕家伙亚尔.派克。我对他不怎么了解，可他整天泡在游泳池里。他穿了件永久脾之类的白色游泳裤，老是在最高的跳板上跳水。他整天跳的都是同一种鳖脚的倒栽葱姿势。他就只能跳这一种姿势，可他自以为非常了不起。他这人全是肌肉，没有脑子。

Anyway, that's who Jane dated that night. I couldn't understand it. I swear I couldn't. After we started going around together, I asked her how come she could date a showoff bastard like Al Pike. Jane said he wasn't a show-off. She said he had an inferiority complex. She acted like she felt sorry for him or something, and she wasn't just putting it on. She meant it. It's a funny thing about girls. Every time you mention some guy that's strictly a bastard--very mean, or very conceited and all--and when you mention it to the girl, she'll tell you he has an inferiority complex. Maybe he has, but that still doesn't keep him from being a bastard, in my opinion. Girls. You never know what they're going to think. I once got this girl Roberta Walsh's roommate a date with a friend of mine. His name was Bob Robinson and he really had an inferiority complex. You could tell he was very ashamed of his parents and all, because they said "he don't" and "she don't" and stuff like that and they weren't very wealthy. But he wasn't a bastard or anything. He was a very nice guy. But this Roberta Walsh's roommate didn't like him at all. She told Roberta he was too conceited--and the reason she thought he was conceited was because he happened to mention to her that he was captain of the debating team. A little thing like that, and she thought he was conceited! The trouble with girls is, if they like a boy, no matter how big a bastard he is, they'll say he has an inferiority complex, and if they don't like him, no matter how nice a guy he is, or how big an inferiority complex he has, they'll say he's conceited. Even smart girls do it.

嗯，那天晚上约琴出来的就是这么个人。我实在没法理解，我发誓我没法理解。我跟琴比较熟了以后，就问她怎么会跟亚尔．派克这种喜欢卖弄的杂种约会。琴说他并不喜欢卖弄。她说他有自卑感。看她的样子好象有点儿同情他，而她也决不是在装模作样。她真是这个意思。女孩子就是这点好笑。遇到那种地地道道的杂种——十分卑鄙，或者十分自高自大——你每次只要一跟姑娘们提起，她们就会说他有自卑感。也许他确有自卑感，可在我看来这也不能构成他不成为杂种的理由。那种姑娘，你真不知道她们心里是什么想法。有一次我介绍罗蓓塔．华尔西的同房间姑娘跟我的一个朋友约会。他的名字叫鲍伯.鲁滨孙，他倒真是有自卑感。你看得出他很为自己的父母难为情，因为他们说话土里士气，而且并不怎么有钱。可他不是个杂种。他是个挺不错的家伙。不过跟罗德塔同屋的那位姑娘一点也不喜欢他。她对罗德塔说他十分自高自大——而她之所以认为他自高自大脑理由，却是他偶尔跟她提起自已是辩论会的负责人，就是那么件小事，可她就认为他自高自大！姑娘们的问题是，她们要是喜欢什么人，不管他是个多下流的杂种，她们总要说他有自卑感；要是她们不喜欢他，那么不管他是个多好的家伙，或者他有多大的自卑感，她们都会说他自高自大。连聪明的姑娘也免不了。

Anyway, I gave old Jane a buzz again, but her phone didn't answer, so I had to hang up. Then I had to look through my address book to see who the hell might be available for the evening. The trouble was, though, my address book only has about three people in it. Jane, and this man, Mr. Antolini, that was my teacher at Elkton Hills, and my father's office number. I keep forgetting to put people's names in. So what I did finally, I gave old Carl Luce a buzz. He graduated from the Whooton School after I left. He was about three years older than I was, and I didn't like him too much, but he was one of these very intellectual guys-- he had the highest I.Q. of any boy at Whooton--and I thought he might want to have dinner with me somewhere and have a slightly intellectual conversation. He was very enlightening sometimes. So I gave him a buzz. He went to Columbia now, but he lived on 65th Street and all, and I knew he'd be home. When I got him on the phone, he said he couldn't make it for dinner but that he'd meet me for a drink at ten o'clock at the Wicker Bar, on 54th. I think he was pretty surprised to hear from me. I once called him a fat-assed phony.

嗯，我又给琴打了个电话，可没人来接，我只好把电话挂了。接着我不得不拿出笔记本来翻阅地址，看看他妈的今天晚上能找到什么人。不过问题是，我的笔记本里总共只有三个人的地址。一个是琴，一个是安多里尼先生，是我在爱尔克敦念书时教我的老师，还有个我父亲办公室的电话号码。我老是忘掉把人们的名字记下，所以我最后只好打电话给老卡尔.路斯。他是胡敦中学的毕业生，是在我离开之后毕业的。他的年纪比我约莫大三岁，我不很喜欢他，可他为人十分聪明——是胡敦全校学生中智力商数最高的一个——我想他也许能跟我一块儿在外面吃晚饭，谈一些比较有意思的话．他有时候极能启发人。因此我给他打了个电话。他现在进了哥伦比亚大学，可他住在第六十五条街，我知道这会儿他大概在家。我跟他通话的时候，他说他不能跟我一块儿吃晚饭，可他要我十点钟在第五十四条街的维格酒吧间等他，一同喝一杯。我揣摩他听—见我打电话给他大概很吃惊。我过去曾骂过他是胖屁股的伪君子。

I had quite a bit of time to kill till ten o'clock, so what I did, I went to the movies at Radio City. It was probably the worst thing I could've done, but it was near, and I couldn't think of anything else.

在十点以前还有不少时间要消磨，所以我就到无线电城去看电影。这大概是我当时能做的最糟糕的事，可那地方近，我一时又想不出有别的什么事可做。

I came in when the goddam stage show was on. The Rockettes were kicking their heads off, the way they do when they're all in line with their arms around each other's waist. The audience applauded like mad, and some guy behind me kept saying to his wife, "You know what that is? That's precision." He killed me. Then, after the Rockettes, a guy came out in a tuxedo and roller skates on, and started skating under a bunch of little tables, and telling jokes while he did it. He was a very good skater and all, but I couldn't enjoy it much because I kept picturing him practicing to be a guy that roller-skates on the stage. It seemed so stupid. I guess I just wasn't in the right mood. Then, after him, they had this Christmas thing they have at Radio City every year. All these angels start coming out of the boxes and everywhere, guys carrying crucifixes and stuff all over the place, and the whole bunch of them--thousands of them--singing "Come All Ye Faithful!" like mad. Big deal. It's supposed to be religious as hell, I know, and very pretty and all, but I can't see anything religious or pretty, for God's sake, about a bunch of actors carrying crucifixes all over the stage. When they were all finished and started going out the boxes again, you could tell they could hardly wait to get a cigarette or something. I saw it with old Sally Hayes the year before, and she kept saying how beautiful it was, the costumes and all. I said old Jesus probably would've puked if He could see it--all those fancy costumes and all. Sally said I was a sacrilegious 亵渎神明的atheist无神论者. I probably am. The thing Jesus really would've liked would be the guy that plays the kettle drums in the orchestra管弦乐队. I've watched that guy since I was about eight years old. My brother Allie and I, if we were with our parents and all, we used to move our seats and go way down so we could watch him. He's the best drummer I ever saw. He only gets a chance to bang them a couple of times during a whole piece, but he never looks bored when he isn't doing it. Then when he does bang them, he does it so nice and sweet, with this nervous expression on his face. One time when we went to Washington with my father, Allie sent him a postcard, but I'll bet he never got it. We weren't too sure how to address it.

我进去的时候，正在表演混帐舞台节目。罗凯特姐妹们正在挤命地跳，她们全都排成一行，彼此用胳膊互搂着腰。观众们象疯子似的鼓着掌，我背后有个家伙不住地对他妻子说：“你知道这是什么吗？这是精确。”我听了差点儿笑死。继罗凯特姐妹之后，是一个穿着无尾礼服和一双四轮溜冰鞋的家伙出来表演，他在一嘟噜小桌子底下钻来钻去、一边还说着笑话。他溜的倒是非常好，可我并不怎么欣赏，因为我脑子里老是想象着他怎样日夜苦练，为了将来在舞台上表演。这在我看来简直使得要命。我揣摩我当时的心情确实不对头。他之后，是无线电城每年上演的圣诞节目。所有那些天使开始从包厢和其他各处出来，手里拿着十字架什么的，那么整整一大嘟噜——有好几千个——全都象疯子似的唱着“你们这些信徒，全都来吧！”真是了不起。干这玩艺儿的本来意思大概算是虔诚得要命，我知道，同时也好看得要命，可我实在看不出有什么虔诚或好看的地方，老天爷，象这样让一嘟噜演员拿着十字架满舞台转。等他们表演完毕重新走出包厢的时候，你都看得出他们已等不及回去抽烟了。去年我跟老萨丽．海斯也来看过一次，她不住口地称赞，说服装什么的都美极了。我说老耶酥要是能亲眼看见，准会作呕——见了所有这些时髦服装什么的。萨丽说我是亵渎神明的无神论者。我大概是这么个人。耶稣可能真正喜欢的恐怕是乐队里那个敲铜鼓的家伙。我从约莫八岁开始就看他表演。我弟弟艾里和我要是跟我们父母一块儿出来，我们两个往往特地换了座位，到前面去看他敲钢鼓。他是我生平见到过的最好的鼓手。整个演出中他只有机会敲一两次鼓，可他没事做的时候从来不露出腻烦的神色。等到他敲鼓的时候，他敲得那么好，那么动听，脸上还露出紧张的表情。有一次我们跟父亲一起到华盛顿去的时候，艾里还寄给他一张明信片，可我敢打赌他一直没收到。我们那时都还不知道怎样写地址呢。

After the Christmas thing was over, the goddam picture started. It was so putrid I couldn't take my eyes off it. It was about this English guy, Alec something, that was in the war and loses his memory in the hospital and all. He comes out of the hospital carrying a cane and limping all over the place, all over London, not knowing who the hell he is. He's really a duke, but he doesn't know it. Then he meets this nice, homey, sincere girl getting on a bus. 

Her goddam hat blows off and he catches it, and then they go upstairs and sit down and start talking about Charles Dickens. He's both their favorite author and all. He's carrying this copy of Oliver Twist and so's she. I could've puked.

Anyway, they fell in love right away, on account of they're both so nuts about Charles Dickens and all, and he helps her run her publishing business.

圣诞节目演完后，混帐电影开始了。那电影混帐到了那种程度，我倒真是舍不得不看。故事讲的是个英国佬，叫艾力克什么的，参加了战争，在医院里丧失了记忆力。他从医院里出来，拄着根拐棍，一瘸一拐地在伦敦到处跑，不知道他妈的他自已是谁。他其实是个公爵，可他自己不知道。后来他遇到那个可爱、温柔、真挚的姑娘上公共汽车。

她那顶混帐帽子给风吹掉了，他去给她拾来，他们于是一块儿到汽车顶层上坐下，谈起查尔斯.狄更斯来。他们两个都喜欢这个作家。他身边带着本《奥列弗.退斯特》，她正好也带着一本。我差点儿都呕了出来。

嗯，他们俩就这样一见钟情了，就因为彼此都是热爱查尔斯.狄更斯作品的疯子。他还帮着她做出版生意。

She's a publisher, the girl. Only, she's not doing so hot, because her brother's a drunkard and he spends all their dough. He's a very bitter guy, the brother, because he was a doctor in the war and now he can't operate any more because his nerves are shot, so he boozes all the time, but he's pretty witty and all. Anyway, old Alec writes a book, and this girl publishes it, and they both make a hatful of dough on it. They're all set to get married when this other girl, old Marcia, shows up. Marcia was Alec's fiancée before he lost his memory, and she recognizes him when he's in this store autographing books. She tells old Alec he's really a duke and all, but he doesn't believe her and doesn't want to go with her to visit his mother and all. His mother's blind as a bat. But the other girl, the homey one, makes him go. She's very noble and all. So he goes. But he still doesn't get his memory back, even when his great Dane jumps all over him and his mother sticks her fingers all over his face and brings him this teddy bear he used to slobber around with when he was a kid. But then, one day, some kids are playing cricket on the lawn and he gets smacked in the head with a cricket ball. Then right away he gets his goddam memory back and he goes in and kisses his mother on the forehead and all. Then he starts being a regular duke again, and he forgets all about the homey babe that has the publishing business. I'd tell you the rest of the story, but I might puke if I did. It isn't that I'd spoil it for you or anything. There isn't anything to spoil for Chrissake. Anyway, it ends up with Alec and the homey babe getting married, and the brother that's a drunkard gets his nerves back and operates on Alec's mother so she can see again, and then the drunken brother and old Marcia go for each other. It ends up with everybody at this long dinner table laughing their asses off because the great Dane comes in with a bunch of puppies. Everybody thought it was a male, I suppose, or some goddam thing. All I can say is, don't see it if you don't want to puke all over yourself.

那姑娘是个出版商。只是她的生意并不怎么兴隆，因为她哥哥是个酒鬼，把她挣的钱全给花了。他心里窝着一肚子火，她那个哥哥；因为战时他是个军医，给震坏了神经，不能再开刀动手术了，就一天到晚喝酒，可他为人倒是十分恢谐有趣。嗯，后来老艾力克写了一本书，那姑娘把它出版了，两个都嫌了不少钱。他们都准备好要结婚了，那另一个姑娘，叫什么玛霞的，突然出现了。玛霞原是英力克失去记忆之前的未婚妻，艾力克在书铺里往他书上亲笔签名的时候给她看见了。她认出了他，就跟他说他原是个公爵什么的，可他不信她的话，也不愿跟着她回去看他母亲什么的。他母亲的眼睛瞎得都跟蝙蝠似的。可另外那个始娘，那个可爱温柔的姑娘，却要他回去。她的心地十分高尚。他于是回去了。可是尽管他的那只丹麦种大狗冲着他又跳又蹦，他母亲用指头在他脸上到处抚摸，还拿出他小时候爱玩的玩具熊给他看，可他仍旧没恢复记忆。后来有一天几个小孩在草地上打捧球，一球打在他脑袋上。他立刻恢复了他的混帐记忆，进去吻他母亲的前额什么的。他于是依旧当起公爵来，把那个做出版生意的温柔姑娘完全扔到脑后了。我倒愿意把底下的故事说完，可这样一来我非真正呕出来不可。倒不是我会给你把故事糟蹋掉，那故事根本没什么可供你糟蹋的，我的老天爷。嗯，反正最后艾力克跟那个温柔的姑娘结婚了，接着那酒鬼哥哥的神经恢复了正常，给艾力克的母亲动了手术，使她依旧看得见东西，接着那个酒鬼哥哥和老玛霞成了眷属。最后一幕是大家坐在长长的晚饭桌上，看见那只大丹麦狗带着一嘟噜小狗进来，个个笑得命都不要了。或许大家都以为它是只雄狗呢，我揣摩，或者诸如此类的混帐玩艺儿。我能说的只有一句话：你要是不想把自己的肠子呕出来，就别去看这电影。

The part that got me was, there was a lady sitting next to me that cried all through the goddam picture. The phonier it got, the more she cried. You'd have thought she did it because she was kindhearted as hell, but I was sitting right next to her, and she wasn't. She had this little kid with her that was bored as hell and had to go to the bathroom, but she wouldn't take him. She kept telling him to sit still and behave himself. She was about as kindhearted as a goddam wolf. You take somebody that cries their goddam eyes out over phony stuff in the movies, and nine times out of ten they're mean bastards at heart. I'm not kidding.

最让我受不了的是旁边还坐着位太太，在整个混帐电影放映时哭个不停。越演到假模假式的地方她越哭得凶。你也许会以为她这样做是因为她心肠软得要命，可我正好坐在她旁边，看出她并不是软心肠。她带着个小孩子，他早已看不下去电影，一定要上厕所去。她不住地叫他规规矩的坐着。她的心肠软得就跟他妈的狼差不离。那些在电影里看到什么假模假式的玩艺儿会把他们的混帐眼珠儿哭出来的人，他们十有九个在心底里都是卑鄙的杂种。我不开玩笑。

After the movie was over, I started walking down to the Wicker Bar, where I was supposed to meet old Carl Luce, and while I walked I sort of thought about war and all. Those war movies always do that to me. I don't think I could stand it if I had to go to war. I really couldn't. It wouldn't be too bad if they'd just take you out and shoot you or something, but you have to stay in the Army so goddam long. That's the whole trouble. My brother D.B. was in the Army for four goddam years. He was in the war, too--he landed on D-Day and all--but I really think he hated the Army worse than the war. I was practically a child at the time, but I remember when he used to come home on furlough and all, all he did was lie on his bed, practically. He hardly ever even came in the living room. Later, when he went overseas and was in the war and all, he didn't get wounded or anything and he didn't have to shoot anybody. All he had to do was drive some cowboy general around all day in a command car. He once told Allie and I that if he'd had to shoot anybody, he wouldn't've known which direction to shoot in. He said the Army was practically as full of bastards as the Nazis were. I remember Allie once asked him wasn't it sort of good that he was in the war because he was a writer and it gave him a lot to write about and all. He made Allie go get his baseball mitt and then he asked him who was the best war poet, Rupert Brooke or Emily Dickinson. Allie said Emily Dickinson. I don't know too much about it myself, because I don't read much poetry, but I do know it'd drive me crazy if I had to be in the Army and be with a bunch of guys like Ackley and Stradlater and old Maurice all the time, marching with them and all. 

看完电影，我就徒步向维格酒吧间走去，我跟老卡尔.路斯约好了在那儿会面。我一边走，一边却想起战争来。那些战争片老引起我胡思乱想。我觉得自己要是被征去当兵，恐怕会受不了。我真的会受不了。要是他们光是让你去送死什么的，那倒也不太坏，问题是你得在军队里呆他妈的那么久。

这是最大的问题。我哥哥DB在军队里呆了他妈的四年。他也参加了战争——还参加了进攻欧洲大陆什么的——可我真觉得他痛恨军队比痛恨战争还厉害。我那时年纪还很小，可我记得他每次休假回来，简直是躺在床上不起来。他甚至连客厅都不进去。后来他到海外参加战争，身上没受过什么伤，也不用开枪打人。他光是驾驶着一辆指挥车载着一个牛仔将军整天转游。他有一次跟艾里和我说，他要是得开枪打人，都不知道应该朝哪个方向打。他说他呆的军队简直跟纳粹军队一样，全都是些杂种。

我记得艾里有一次问他参加战争对他有没有好处，因为他是个作家，战争可以向他提供不少材料。他叫艾里去把那只垒球手套拿来，随后他问艾里，谁是最好的战争诗人，是鲁帕特.勃洛克还是艾米莉.狄更生？艾里说是艾米莉.狄更生。我自己读诗不多，不太懂得他们的意思，可我却清楚地懂得我自己要是被征去当兵，一天到晚跟一嘟噜象阿克莱、斯特拉德莱塔和老毛里斯之类的家伙一块儿厮混，跟他们一块儿行军什么的，那我非发疯不可。

I was in the Boy Scouts once, for about a week, and I couldn't even stand looking at the back of the guy's neck in front of me. They kept telling you to look at the back of the guy's neck in front of you. I swear if there's ever another war, they better just take me out and stick me in front of a firing squad. I wouldn't object. What gets me about D.B., though, he hated the war so much, and yet he got me to read this book A Farewell to Arms last summer. He said it was so terrific. That's what I can't understand. It had this guy in it named Lieutenant Henry that was supposed to be a nice guy and all. 

我有一次在童子军里呆了那么一个星期，我甚至都没法老望着我前面那个家伙的后脑勺。他们老是叫你望着你前面那个家伙的后脑勺，我实在受不了。

我发誓如果再发生一次战争，他们不如干脆把我送去放在行刑队跟前枪决算了。我决不反对。我对DB有一点不很了解，他那么痛恨战争，却在今年夏天让我阅读《永别了，武器》这样的小说。他说这本书写得好极了。就是这一点我不能理解。小说里有个叫作亨利少尉的家伙，大概算是个好人吧。

I don't see how D.B. could hate the Army and war and all so much and still like a phony like that. I mean, for instance, I don't see how he could like a phony book like that and still like that one by Ring Lardner, or that other one he's so crazy about, The Great Gatsby. D.B. got sore when I said that, and said I was too young and all to appreciate it, but I don't think so. I told him I liked Ring Lardner and The Great Gatsby and all. I did, too. I was crazy about The Great Gatsby. Old Gatsby. Old sport. That killed me. Anyway, I'm sort of glad they've got the atomic bomb invented. If there's ever another war, I'm going to sit right the hell on top of it. I'll volunteer for it, I swear to God I will.

我实在不了解DB一方面那么痛恨军队和战争，一方面却能喜欢这样一个假模假式的人。我的意思是，比方说，我不了解他怎么能一方面喜欢这样一本假模假式的小说，一方面却又能喜欢林.拉德纳的那本小说，或者另外那本他最最喜欢的小说——《伟大的盖茨比》。我这么一说，DB听了很生气，说我年纪太小，还欣赏不了那样的书，可我不同意他的看法。我告诉他说我喜欢林.拉德纳和《伟大的盖茨比》这类书。我的确喜欢。我最最喜欢的是《伟大的盖茨比》。老盖茨比。可爱的家伙。我喜欢他极了。嗯，不管怎样，我们发明了原子弹这事倒让我挺高兴。要是再发生一次战争，我打算他妈的干脆坐在原子弹顶上。我愿意第一个报名，我可以对天发誓，我愿意这样做。