2017/8/20

        夏末秋初，大雨倾泻而下，这时候的天气，也许上一秒还是晴空万里，但下一秒也可能是乌云密布，这时的雨一般不会持续太久，突然而至，也会突然而去。

          当这场雨到来时，我正在听着麦格兰岛的最美英文诗集，那是一篇《我喜欢你是寂静的》，朗诵者磁性的声音伴着神奇的魔力，让人在这炎热的天，静下心来。于是一颗文艺的心按耐不住，想写点东西，想宣泄一下这孤独的滋味。

          3个月，一成不变的生活，让人觉得枯燥·无趣，眼看着自己的生命被白白的浪费是苦涩的，每天8点起床，12点后睡觉，我知道这一切对于一个真值青春的人来说意味着什么，但我真不知道如何找点事情做，我会写写文章，听听歌，唱唱歌，玩玩游戏，聊聊天，看看书。但我觉得这毫无意义，我迫切想找到一个群体，融入进去，想找点人说说话，没有人喜欢孤独，但我觉得我这也不算孤独，比起那些独自在异乡打拼的前辈们，同辈们，甚至后辈们，这的确有点‘为赋新词强说愁’的意味，人总会在某个瞬间明悟，某个场景，某件事情，或是死前。

          在这场突然而至的大雨面前，我也明白了很多，刘同的《你的孤独虽败犹荣》里有句我喜欢的话“也许你现在仍然是一个人下班，一个人乘地铁，一个人上楼，一个人吃饭，一个人睡觉，一个人发呆。然而你却能一个人下班，一个人乘地铁，一个人上楼，一个人吃饭，一个人睡觉，一个人发呆。很多人离开另一个人，就没有自己。而你却一个人，度过了所有。那么，你的孤独，虽败犹荣”这是在高一时，买的一本盗版书上看到的，在学校这个集体中那会感到孤独，读读这些书只不过是为了感觉自己很酷，其实在别人看来，你就是个傻逼，只有你还觉得自己好文艺，今天再一次想起这本书，便翻了翻许久没动过的书架，翻到这句当时引为座右铭的句子，确实有不一样的感觉，特别是伴着许许雷声，和耶鲁达的诗句，这种感受越发强烈，当然后来我支持了刘同的正版，但那本盗版依然和它放在一起，这本书是有故事的，而且陪伴我高中时期的也是这本盗版书。

          雨渐渐小了，雷声却越来越大，我在想这没装避雷针的家是否会被劈中，晃晃头，想也许是自己闲着没事做了吧，才会写一些不知道什么的字，但每当我写一些字句时，我的内心无疑是被洗刷了一遍的，这样我又能阳光活泼的走下去，有人说我既文艺又逗逼，也许正是这样吧，在文艺时静静感受那些不快，而后静静地享受逗逼得时光，随便点亮别人的笑脸。

  最后附上这篇陪我写完这篇文章的诗篇:

              I Like For You To Be Still

                [智利]Pablo Neruda

I like for you to be still: it is as though you were absent,

and you hear me from far away and my voice does not touch you.

It seems as though your eyes had flown away

and it seems that a kiss had sealed your mouth.

As all things are filled with my soul

you emerge from the things, filled with my soul.

You are like my soul, a butterfly of dream,

and you are like the word: Melancholy.

I like for you to be still, and you seem far away.

It sounds as though you are lamenting, a butterfly cooing like a dove.

And you hear me from far away, and my voice does not reach you:

Let me come to be still in your silence.

And let me talk to you with your silence

that is bright as a lamp, simple, as a ring.

You are like the night, with its stillness and constellations.

Your silence is that of a star, as remote and candid.

I like for you to be still: it is as though you were absent,

distant and full of sorrow as though you had died.

One word then, one smile is enough.

And I'm happy, happy that it's not true.

#我喜欢你是寂静的#