day11-The road less traveled

         Yet even more important than role modeling is love.For even in chaotic and disordered homes genuine love is occasionally present,and from such homes may come self-disciplined children.And not infrequently parents who are professional people--doctors,lawyers,club women and  philanthropists--who lead lives of strict orderliness and decorum but yet lack love,send children into the world who are as undisciplined and destructive and disorganized as any child from an impoverished and chaotic home.

        然而甚至比榜样更为重要的是爱。甚至在混乱无序的家庭里真诚的爱偶尔出现，因而从这样的家庭也会出现自律的孩子。并不罕见父母是专业人士--医生，律师，俱乐部女会员和慈善家--过着严格有序和端庄体统的生活但却缺乏爱，把孩子送进放纵、毁灭和混乱的世界如同任何一个来自贫困和混乱家庭的孩子一样。

            Ultimately love is everything.The mystery of love will be examined in later portions of this work.Yet,for the sake of coherency,it may be helpful to make a brief but limited mention of it and its relationship to discipline at this point.

            最终爱是一切。爱的奥秘将在这项工作的后续部分中被检验。然而，为了一致性的缘故，做一个简短但有限的解释在这一点上对它与训练的关系可能会有帮助。

            When we love something it is of value to us,and when something is of value to us we spend time with it,time enjoying it and time taking care of it.Observe a teenager in love with his car and note the time he will spend admiring it ,polishing it ,repairing it,tuning it.Or an older person with a beloved rose garden,and the time spent pruning and mulching and fertilizing and studying it.So it is when we love children;we spend time admiring them and caring for them.We give them our time.

            当我们爱某物时，它对我们是有价值的，当某物对我们是有价值的，我们在它上面花费时间，花时间享受它及花时间照顾它。观察一个十几岁的孩子爱他的车，并刻录他将花费时间赞赏它，擦亮它，修理它，调整它。或者一个老年人爱他的玫瑰园，将花费时间在修枝、覆盖和施肥以及研究上。因此，当我们爱孩子们；我们花时间赞赏他们和照顾他们。我们给予他们我们的时间。

            Good discipline requires time.When we have no time to give our children,or no time that we are willing to give,we don't even observe them closely enough to become aware of when their need for our disciplinary assistance is expressed subtly.If their need for discipline is so gross as to impinge upon our consciousness,we may still ignore the need on the grounds that it's easier to let them have their own way--"I just don't have the energy to deal with them today."Or,finally,if we are impelled into action by their misdeeds and our irritation,we will impose discipline,often brutally,out of anger rather than deliberation,without examing the problem or even taking the time to consider which form of discipline is the most appropriate to that particular problem.

            好的训练需要时间。当我们没有时间给予我们的孩子们，或者没有我们愿意给予的时间，我们甚至没有足够近距离观察他们来意识到当他们需要我们的训导协助时的隐约的表达。即使他们对训导的需要是如此显而易见以致撞击我们的意识，我们仍可能忽略这个需要如同丢在地上让它们有自己的方式更容易--“我今天没有精力来处理他们。”或者，最后，如果我们被他们的恶行和我们的恼怒敦促起来行动，我们将强行管教，经常是野蛮地，出于愤怒而不是深思熟虑，不检查问题甚至不花时间考虑对于那个特殊的问题哪种管教形式是最合适的。