‘How to talk so kids will listen

【赏析者】molly

That little exchange taught me something else about myself. I could be very accepting about most of the feelings the children had, but let one of them tell me something that made me angry or anxious and I’d instantly revert to my old way.

【段落大意】

承接上文中与女儿的争吵，这段话是说这次争吵让我认识到自己另外的一些情况，即我很愿意接受孩子们的大部分情感，但是如果其中一个孩子讲述一些让我生气或者焦虑的事情，我又会马上恢复到之前的那种状态

【单词/词组/句型】

①exchange常见的含义是“交换、互换”，在此处意为“短暂的口角、争吵”

②accepting是accept的现在分词形式，在此处意为“接受、接纳”，这里是说作者原意接纳孩子们的情感，could是情态助动词，accept是及物动词，be accepting进行时态主要是想表达作者强烈的情感，very作副词修饰，表示程度。关于accept的例句：My grandparents have never had a problem accepting me...我的祖父母从来都是无条件地接受我。Many men still have difficulty accepting a woman as a business partner...许多男性仍然无法接受女性商业伙伴。

③anxious意为“焦虑的、忧虑的”

④revert to something 英英释义“to go back or return to (an earlier state, condition, situation, etc.)”，恢复，回复(到以前的状态、制度或行为)，例句：She has reverted (back) to her old habits.    My blood pressure has reverted to normal

I’ve since learned that my reaction was not that unusual. On the following page you’ll find examples of other statements children make that often lead to an automatic denial from their parents. Please read each statement and jot down what you think a parent might say if he were denying his child’s feelings.

【段落大意】

自此我明白了我的反应不是与众不同/特别的，在下面一页你会找到孩子们其它的一些陈述示例，这些陈述往往导向父母的自动否认。请阅读每一段叙述，然后记下你认为作为一个父母，当他拒绝他孩子的感受时会说些什么。

【单词/词组/句型】

① since在此处作副词，(表示过去某事或某情况发生后不久又发生了另一件事)此后，后来

②denial在此处是可数名词，表示“否认”，例句：Despite official denials, the rumours still persist...尽管官方予以否认，但谣言仍未平息。

I. CHILD: I don’t like the new baby.                                                                                    PARENT: (denying the feeling)                                              _______________________________                                                                            II. CHILD: I had a dumb birthday party. (After you went “all out” to make it a wonderful day.)                                                                                                                              PARENT: (denying the feeling)                                        ________________________________                                                                          III. CHILD: I’m not wearing this stupid retainer anymore. It hurts. I don’t care what the orthodontist says!                                                                                                                  PARENT: (denying the feeling)                                              _____________________________                                                                              IV. CHILD: I hate that new coach! Just because I was one minute late he kicked me off the team.                                                                                                                              PARENT: (denying the feeling)                                            ______________________________

【段落大意】

I.孩子：我不喜欢这个新出生的宝宝    父母：                                                                                II.孩子：我的生日party办的真蠢（当你倾尽所有让这一天变得很精彩以后）  父母：                III.孩子：我再也不想戴这个看上去很蠢的牙套了，它让我感到很痛苦，我也不在乎牙医会说什么了  父母：                                                                                                                                    IV.孩子：我讨厌那个新教练，就因为我迟到了一分钟他就把我踢出球队了  父母：

【单词/词组/句型】

① dumb在此处意为“愚蠢的”，not showing or having good judgment or intelligence : stupid or foolish，与stupid互为近义词，但stupid更倾向于表示“没有能力/智力去学习理解某事”，not intelligent : having or showing a lack of ability to learn and understand things

② retainer名词，原意是“定金、预付金；仆人、家仆” ，在此处引申义为“矫正牙齿的牙套”（美语中的一种说法），US : a device that you put in your mouth to keep your teeth in the correct position especially after you have had braces

③ kicked me off the team中包含词组 kick (someone) off (something) ，即to force (someone) to leave (a team or group) 强迫某人离开（通常是一个队或组）。例句： The coach threatened to kick him off the team if he continued to be late for practice.

Did you find yourself writing things like:

“That’s not so. I know in your heart you really love the baby.”

“What are you talking about? You had a wonderful party—ice cream, birthday cake, balloons. Well, that’s the last party you’ll ever have!”

“Your retainer can’t hurt that much. After all the money we’ve invested in your mouth, you’ll wear that thing whether you like it or not!”

“You have no right to be mad at the coach. It’s your fault. You should have been on time.”

【段落大意】

你发现自己会像这样写吗？：“事实上并不是这样，我知道你心里实际上很爱这个baby”“你在说什么？你拥有一个多美好的聚会—冰淇淋、生日蛋糕、气球，好吧，这是你拥有的最后一个像这样的聚会了”“你的牙套不会怎么伤害到你的，在我们投入到你牙齿上的金钱都有效地利用完之后，再按你自己的意愿喜欢或不喜欢戴都可以”“你没有权利向教练发火，这是你的失误，你应该准时”

【单词/词组/句型】

①be mad at向……发怒，生气  She's mad at me. = She's mad with me.  mad后搭配at/with表示 对… 恼火。      例句：My mum’s absolutely mad with me! 妈妈对我极为恼火！

Somehow this kind of talk comes easily to many of us. But how do children feel when they hear it? In order to get a sense of what it’s like to have one’s feelings dismissed, try the following exercise:

【段落大意】

不管以什么方式出现，我们之间很容易发生这类谈话。但是当孩子们听到这些，他们会如何感受？为了解一个人的感情被忽略是什么感受，尝试以下练习

【单词/词组/句型】

①come to (someone) 意思就是to be thought of by (someone) 或to occur to (someone)发生在某人身上。    例句：The answer suddenly came to me. [=I suddenly thought of the answer]

②get a sense of了解/感受，有/得到……的感觉

③dismiss在此处意为不考虑，'to decide not to think about or consider (something or someone)'，例句： I don't think we should dismiss the matter lightly.

Imagine that you’re at work. Your employer asks you to do an extra job for him. He wants it ready by the end of the day. You mean to take care of it immediately, but because of a series of emergencies that come up you completely forget. Things are so hectic, you barely have time for your own lunch.

【段落大意】

想象一下你在工作，你的老板要你去做一项额外的工作，他要你今天结束前能够完成，你打算立马着手处理，但是因为一系列突发的紧急情况你忘记了这件事。事情是如此的忙乱，而你几乎没时间吃个午餐。

【单词/词组/句型】

①mean在此处意为“计划;打算;准备”，If you mean to do something, you intend or plan to do it. mean 用作“意欲”解，后面接不定式，不接动名词，如 I mean to make his acquaintance 里的 to make 不可改作 making。

②take care of 在此处的含义是处理/解决，to deal with or do (something that requires effort or attention)。例句： Don't worry about that mess. I'll take care of it. [=I'll clean it up]

③come up在此处意为以一种没料到的方式突然发生，“to occur in usually a sudden or unexpected way”

④ hectic意为“慌乱的、忙乱的”，very busy and filled with activity                                                barely意为“刚刚、勉强、几乎不”， hardly or scarcely。例句： His voice was barely audible above the sound of the river.

As you and a few coworkers are getting ready to go home, your boss comes over to you and asks for the finished piece of work. Quickly you try to explain how unusually busy you were today.

【段落大意】

当你和一部分同事准备下班时，你的老板过来问你要已完成的工作成果，你很快意识到并试着解释今天你非常忙。

【单词/词组/句型】

①as在此处是“当……时候”，as 用作“当……的时候”解的时候引导的从句里的动词不可作将来时态

②come over to过来    ask for要求

He interrupts you. In a loud, angry voice he shouts, “I’m not interested in your excuses! What the hell do you think I’m paying you for—to sit around all day on your butt?” As you open your mouth to speak, he says, “Save it,” and walks off to the elevator.

【段落大意】

他打断了你的解释，以一种大声的恼怒的嗓音向你吼道：我对你的解释一点也不感兴趣，那你认为我是为什么雇用你—难道是为了让你坐在那里一整天？，然后当你要张开嘴说些什么时，他说“省省吧”，然后踱步离开走向电梯。

【单词/词组/句型】

①what the hell表示怒气，惊讶的语气，可意为“什么情况、搞什么鬼、怎么回事？”  used to express anger, surprise, etc.例句： What the hell! Just what do you think you're doing!?        butt指“屁股”，sit around on your butt“坐在你的屁股上”

②walk off to意为“向……走去”

Your coworkers pretend not to have heard. You finish gathering your things and leave the office. On the way home you meet a friend. You’re still so upset that you find yourself telling him or her what had just taken place.

【段落大意】

你的同事们假装没听到刚才的这番对话，你整理完东西然后离开办公室，在回家的路上你见到了一个朋友，你仍旧很苦恼/心烦意乱，于是告诉了他(她)之前发生了什么。

【单词/词组/句型】

①pretend= “to act as if something is true when it is not true”，假装某样事情是真的，在此处因为加了not，且从后面接的have heard可以看出，是假装没听到的意思

②find someone doing sth发现某人正在做某事，Something or someone that is found in a specified place exists there or lives there.在此处意为你发现自己正在向朋友讲述刚才发生的事情。

Your friend tries to “help” you in eight different ways. As you read each response, tune in to your immediate “gut” reaction and then write it down. (There are no right or wrong reactions. Whatever you feel is right for you.)

【段落大意】

你的朋友尝试以八种不同的方法帮助你，当你读到每一种回答时，倾听此时抛开表象的内心反应，（没有对的或错的反应，无论怎么感觉对你都是最适合的）

【单词/词组/句型】

①tune in to收听、收看、关注， tune in愿意是to watch a television show or listen to a radio broadcast，在此处可引申为倾听

I. Denial of Feelings: “There’s no reason to be so upset. It’s foolish to feel that way. You’re probably just tired and blowing the whole thing out of proportion. It can’t be as bad as you make it out to be. Come on, smile . . . You look so nice when you smile.”

Your reaction: ________________________________

II. The Philosophical Response: “Look, life is like that. Things don’t always turn out the way we want. You have to learn to take things in stride. In this world, nothing is perfect.”

Your reaction: ________________________________

III. Advice: “You know what I think you should do? Tomorrow morning go straight to your boss’s office and say, ‘Look, I was wrong.’ Then sit right down and finish that piece of work you neglected today. Don’t get trapped by those little emergencies that come up. And if you’re smart and you want to keep that job of yours, you’ll make sure nothing like that ever happens again.”

Your reaction: ________________________________

【段落大意】

I.忽略你的感觉：没理由心烦嘛，那样感觉很愚蠢，你可能只是太累了，然后把事情想多了，来，笑一笑，当你笑得时候你会很开心！        你的反应：

II.冷静的回应：看，生活就是像这样，事情不会总按照我们想要的方式发生，你不得不泰然自若，在这个世界上，没有什么是完美的。    你的反应：

III.提出建议：你知道我认为你应该怎么做吗？明天早上径直走到你们老板的办公室，然后说“是，我是错了，”然后坐下来，完成今天疏忽掉的这份工作，不要被那些发生的琐碎的急事困住，如果你聪明的话会继续你的工作，然后确保像这样的事情不再发生

【单词/词组/句型】

①blow可意为“to make a mistake in doing or handling (something)”，out of proportion超出比例，字面意思是把整件事情弄的超出正常比例，引申为“小题大做”，例句：Okay, um, let's not blow this out of proportion.  我们还是别小题大做了；      I think we're blowing this out of proportion.我想是有点过分担忧了；    He... he blew the whole thing out of proportion.他... 他把事情想多了。

②turn out发生“ to happen, end, or develop in a particular way”，例句：Things don't always turn out the way you want them to.

③take things in stride表面意思是“大踏步前进”，可引申为“泰然自若”，例句：She'll take the defeat in stride. She's not the problem.她很快就能会承认失败的 她不是问题。           Just broke the news to him. Took it in stride.刚把情况告诉他 他挺淡定的。         I do admire the way you just take it all in your stride.我真佩服你 能如此从容面对一切。

④trap困住，使受限制，If you are trapped somewhere, something falls onto you or blocks your way and prevents you from moving or escaping。在此处意为被困住而做不了今天疏忽的工作

⑤keep that job of yours继续你的工作