涅槃重生Live for life

在递交了国外留学的申请资料之后，内心感受到了一种「平静与祥和」。
这种感觉似曾相识~

也许“死过”的人才会对生命聊以慰藉~

不知道大脑里的那个细胞碰撞到了那个细胞，
我的思绪突然回到了3年前，想想也是很久的事了，也是这样一个快要春暖花开的时候~
我好像看电影一样，在头脑里过了一张张画面。

• 第一个画面：
  回想起与男友坐着出租车，行驶在六环路上，因担心男友认为这可能浪费时间，我试图想找些话题和他说话，但是确实没有力气，下了车后，我们走过了急诊大厅，进了主诊楼又返回来，一路上，男友走在前面，可我却很没力气地缓慢地跟在后面。

• 第二个画面：
  男友去挂号，我坐在护士前面量血压，她问了我几个问题，我还能缓慢的答上来，之后她用那种老式的量压器根本测不到我血压时，想要更精敏的仪器来测量，之后我就不知道了~
  我失去了意识，晕倒在大厅里……

• 第三个片段：
  那个一个时刻，我醒过来，听到我身边围绕着很多的医生护士说着什么（后来知道当时北京三院急诊室的医生都来了）然后就晕过去，不知道他们是怎么把我抬上了轮椅，后如何判断我的病情的

  
  

• 第四个片段：
  是听到男友不断的叫我的名字。我醒过来，努力张开嘴，很平静地对他说，“我很难受……”，他视图听清我的声音，靠近我，脸颊触碰处能感受到他的温度~

• 然后的然后
  我全都不知道了……
  我不知道，他们如何把我抬上病床，盖好被子，脱下了衣服换上了病服，然后怎么视图在我手面上纤细的血管寻找插口后不成功，然后换到了我左臂上，然后接通了两个粗粗的输液管，然后在我身体上加扣着很多个检测仪器的小爪子，怎么在我床头安放了很多仪器设备……

• “全无”的状态
  我再次醒来的时候，应该是下午了……因为正好在病人探访期前的一段时间_{我缓慢的睁开眼睛，病房里明亮的灯光瞬间刺透我的眼睛}我意识到自己在病床里，因为周边都是白色的一切…我很平和地观察着这一切，好像飘荡在空中，好奇人间发生的过往…并没有感受到病痛感，应该说，没有一点感受和情绪在……

这种“虚无”的感觉，应该就是死亡以及临近死亡时能“享受”地到的吧
没有悲伤，没有欣喜，没有怨负，没有冲动，没有感受，没有情绪……

• 再次醒来
  正当我从昏迷中逐渐苏醒，然后“欣赏”这间病房的时候，门打开了。病人的亲属都进来，男友走过来，问我好点么，我感觉我像是经历了一个世纪的穿越，再次返回了人间~很轻柔地说“好多了”…他告诉我，我晕倒在急诊大厅，然后就被送到了这，ICU病房，他已经通知我的父母赶过来，他在签那张，病危通知书的时候，手都是颤抖的…
  然后，我就在北京三院ICU病房，经历了我一生中为之沉淀的近乎一个月…记得我出院后不久，再次回访那间病房和当时照顾我的护士和医生的时候，那么陌生，是啊，我从进去到出来都是被推着的，哈哈~

• 以后和未来
  在那之后，我经历考取MBA的内心决定，以及数月默默地准备考试的日子；我经历了在为明秋高多彩树下探讨教育行业的日子；经历了在京东很多个日日夜夜思索项目的日子；经历了重返学校，认识了很多新同学，感受着来自世界各地文化的感染，开启自己探索新生活，新世界的日子~

此刻，我觉得，**这种平和的心态是日常难能「偶遇」的到的「珍宝」感受，如果我们能将日常也能不因太多事情烦扰心智，将自己活得“纯净”“平和”那是多么幸福的一件事情 **

珍惜所拥有的，欣赏生活的风景，怀有敬畏与敞亮的心态，勇敢地拥抱全世界！

After submitting the application files of studying abroad,I have a feelings of peace in my heart.
It's a familiar feeling~

Maybe "almost dead" people will feel comfort with life.

I remembered the experience that almost dead in the hospital, many scenes passed my mind ,I feel comfort and wonderful for living

My mind suddenly went back to 3 years ago. It's a long time to think about it. It's also such a spring time~

• The first scene
  I was on the taxi with my ex-boyfriend on Sixth Ring Road . I was worried that my boyfriend thought it might be a waste of time. I tried to find some topics to talk with him, but I really didn't have the strength. After getting off the car, we walked through the emergency hall, went into the main clinic and returned. Along the way, my boyfriend walked in front, while I didn't have the strength to slowly follow him.

• The second scene
  My ex-boyfriend went to register, I sat in front of the nurse and took my blood pressure. She asked me a few questions, and I could answer them slowly. Later, when she couldn't find my blood pressure with the old-fashioned pressure gauge, she tried to use a more sensitive instrument to measure it, and then I didn't know~
  I lost my consciousness and fainted to the ground in the hall…

• The third scene
  at that moment, I woke up and heard a lot of doctors and nurses around me saying something (later I knew that doctors were all here,who were from the emergency room of Beijing Third Hospital ) and then I fainted again. I didn't know how they lifted me into the wheelchair and what have talked about my illness ~

  
  
  

  -The fourth clip
  I heard ex-boyfriend calling my name, I woke up, tried to open my mouth, and calmly said to him, "I feel sick..." He wants to hear my voice. I can feel his temperature at the touch of his cheek~

• And then
  I know nothing…
  I didn't know how they lifted me to the hospital bed, covered my quilt, took off my clothes and put on patients' clothes. I didn't know how they tried to look for the tiny blood vessels on my hand and failed to find it. Then they changed to my left arm and connected two thick infusion tubes. I didn't know how they added a lot of detection instruments on my body. and how they put a lot of instruments on the head of my bed Equipment...

  
  

-Woke up again
It should be afternoon Because it happened to be some time before the patient's visit~
I opened my eyes slowly, and the bright light in the ward entered my eyes instantly~I realized that I was in the hospital bed, because everything around was white.I observed all this peacefully, as I were floating in the air, curious about everything.I didn't feel the pain. I should say that I didn't have any feelings or emotions, nothing…

This feeling of "nothingness" should be what we can “enjoy" when dying or nearby the death.No sorrow, no joy, no resentment, no impulse, no feeling, no emotion.

Just as I was waking up from my coma and "appreciating" the room, the door opened.The relatives of the patients came in, my ex-boyfriend came over and asked me if I was better. **I felt like I had experienced a century's journey and returned to the world again. **I said softly "much better" . He told me that I fainted in the emergency room, and then I was sent to the ICU ward. He had informed my parents to come here. When he signed the critical notice, his hands were shaking.Then, I was in the ICU ward of Beijing Third Hospital around a month.

I remember that when I visited the ward and the nurses and doctors who took care of me soon after I was discharged from hospital, I was so strange with it . Yeah, I was pushed from entering to and coming out, ha ha~

• Later and future
  After that, I experienced the inner decision of getting an MBA and the days of silently preparing for the exam for several months; I experienced the days of exploring and love Education industry under the colorful tree in a bright autumn; I experienced the days of thinking about projects day and night in Jingdong Group; I experienced the days of returning to school, recognizing many new students, feeling the cultures from all over the world, and opening my own life stage and a new world !~

At this moment, I feel that this state of mind "peace" is the "treasure" feeling,that is difficult to "encounter" in daily life. If we can make our daily life with"pure" and "peace" without too many things disturbing our mind, it is such a happy life~

Cherish what you have, appreciate the scenery of life, awed while open mind, and embrace the whole world bravely!