为什么两岁多的孩子开始不听话，父母应该怎么做？

来源： https://www.babycenter.com/0_defiance-why-it-happens-and-what-to-do-about-it_63678.bc

译者：吴和平 

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Defiance: Why it happens and what to do about it

为什么两岁多的孩子开始不听话，父母应该怎么做？

By Karen Miles, Reviewed by the BabyCenter Medical Advisory Board Updated December 2018

Why 2-year-olds defy their parents

魔鬼两岁？为什么两岁多的孩子不再听父母的话？

What a day: Your 2-year-old starts the morning by screaming, "No, me do it!" when you pour the milk on his cereal. Then he flat out refuses to put away any of the toys he's taken out.

多么糟糕的一天啊：一大早，当你把牛奶倒在孩子的麦片粥上时，2岁的他就开始尖叫：“不，我来做！”。然后，他干脆拒绝整理他刚刚拿出来玩的玩具。

Later, when you've had about all you can take, your child has a full-fledged tantrum because he happens to be playing with his friends when you arrive to pick him up at daycare. Is this kid trying to drive you nuts?

后来，当你购物满载归来，到日托所接他的时候，你的孩子看到你来接他，立即耍脾气又哭又闹，仅仅因为他正在和他的玩伴玩不想马上离开。难道这孩子是想让你发疯吗？

The truth is, dealing with a defiant 2-year-old is a notoriously difficult part of childrearing. They don't call it the "terrible twos" for nothing.

事实真相是，应对一个叛逆的2岁小孩，是众所周知的，养育孩子过程中的艰难挑战。“魔鬼两岁”这个名头可不是无缘无故来的。

When your child shouts, "No!" or hurls himself on the ground, kicking and screaming, it's no fun for you, but it is a normal reaction for a child this age. (And for kids a little younger or older, too.)

当你的孩子大喊：”不！“ 或者，他躺在地上扭来扭去、又踢又叫，这对你来说，确实不是什么有趣的体验，但是，对这个年龄的孩子来说，这确实是再正常不过的反应了。（对于年龄稍小或稍大的孩子也是如此。）

Think about it: Your child is caught up in the excitement – and frustration – that come with his budding autonomy. He wants to explore his world and test his limits. At the same time he's struggling to learn how to control his actions, impulses, and feelings.

想想看吧：你的孩子正沉浸在他刚刚萌芽的自主意识所带来的兴奋和沮丧之中。他想探索他的世界，尝试他自己的极限。同时，他也在努力习得如何控制自己的行为、冲动和情感。

Maybe his baby brother gets more attention than he does, or maybe he doesn't like it when he's supposed to drop everything at your request. His challenging behavior may not always be appropriate, but it's to be expected at this age.

也许他的小弟弟比他从你这里得到更多的关注，或许他不喜欢听命于你放下手里的一切东西。他的所做所为是在挑战成人世界的行为准则，但在他这个年龄，是可以预料这一切的。

You may end up with a few gray hairs when it's all over, but you'll survive largely intact by trying to understand where your child is coming from – and by handling his stormy reactions with care.

当孩子长大成人以后，你可能已经韶华不再，但是，不悔青丝成白发， 通过试着去理解你的孩子从哪里来，以及悉心地处理他的暴风骤雨式的行为反应，你一定会好好地完好无损地活下来的！

What you can do about defiance

对于魔鬼两岁的叛逆期，你能做些什么？

Be understanding. When your child screams and cries because she doesn't want to leave the playground, give her a hug and tell her you know it's hard to go home when she's having so much fun. The idea is to show her that instead of being part of the problem, you're actually on her side.

请一定要善解人意。当你的孩子因为不想离开玩耍的地方而尖叫和哭泣时，给他/她一个拥抱，告诉她，你知道当她玩得那么开心的时候，立即起身回家很难。正确的育儿理念是是要让他/她知道，你作为孩子的父母，你不是制造问题的那个人，你是站在孩子这边的。

Try not to get angry, even if you feel embarrassed in front of the other parents. Be kind but firm about making her leave when it's time.

你一定要尽力不要恼怒，即使你当着其他孩子父母的面前，遇到孩子耍脾气的情况感到尴尬丢脸，你也不要恼怒。当你要求孩子离开玩耍的地点，你的态度一定要是友善而坚定的态度。

Set limits. Young children need – and even want – limits, so set them and make sure your 2-year-old knows what they are. Spell it out for her: "We don't hit. If you're angry, use your words to tell Adam that you want the toy back." or "Remember, you always have to hold my hand in the parking lot."

设定限制。幼儿需要——甚至想要——限制，所以要为他们设定限制，确保你2岁的孩子知道他们自己是谁。为孩子拼读出来以下句子：“我们不打人。如果你生气了，你说话告诉亚当（另一个孩子）你想要回玩具。“，或者，”记住啊，走路过停车场时，你要一直拉着我的手。

If your child has problems abiding by the rules (as every 2-year-old does), work on solutions together. For instance, if she hits her baby brother because she's feeling left out, let her help you feed or bathe him, then find a way for her to have her own special time with you. If she gets out of bed because she's afraid of the dark, put a nightlight in her room.

如果你的孩子有遵守规则的问题（每个2岁的孩子都这样），你们要一起努力解决。例如，如果她因为感觉被忽视而打她的弟弟，那么你就让她帮你喂弟弟或给弟弟洗澡，然后，也要找到一个方法让她和你单独在一起度过的特殊时间。如果她因为怕黑而摸下床，你就在房间里安个小夜灯吧。

Reinforce good behavior. Rather than paying attention to your child only when she's misbehaving, try to catch her acting appropriately: "Thanks for playing with Charlie while I change his diaper. That's very helpful!"

正面强化好的行为。与其只在孩子行为出格时才关注孩子，不如试着在孩子表现得体的时刻表扬孩子，例如：“谢谢你在我给查理换尿布的时候，和他一起玩。你可帮了大忙了！”

And though your instinct may be to reprimand your child when her behavior is unacceptable, choose your words carefully so it's clear that you disapprove of the behavior, not the child. "When a child behaves badly, she already feels terrible," says Jane Nelsen, author of the Positive Discipline series of books. "Where did we ever get the idea that in order to make children do better, we first have to make them feel worse?"

虽然你的本能可能是当孩子行为不当时直接叱责孩子，你还是要小心选择你的话术，清楚表达你只是不赞成孩子的行为，而不是孩子本身。”当一个孩子行为表现不佳时，她已经感觉很糟糕了，”简·尼尔森如是说，她是《正面管教》系列书籍的作者：“我们从哪儿得到这样的想法：为了让孩子的行为做得更好，我们首先不得不让他们感觉更糟糕才行？”

Shouting and shaming may only produce more negative behavior. She just may follow your example and yell back at you, and you'll find yourself teaching the very behavior you want her to change.

喊叫和羞辱，只会产生更多的消极行为。孩子可能仅仅会效仿你的榜样，从而对你大喊大叫，你会发现自己在教孩子你其实想要孩子改掉的行为。

Your best tool as a parent is to teach by example. Speak calmly, clearly, and firmly – not with anger, blame, or threats. Sure, that's tough to do when you've lost your temper or your nerves are frazzled, but remind yourself that your child is unlikely to adopt a behavior you can't exhibit yourself.

作为父母，你最好的工具就是以身作则。冷静、清晰、坚定地说话——不要带着愤怒、责备或威胁。当然，当你发脾气或神经衰弱时，这很难做到，但要你一定要提醒你自己，你的孩子不太可能学会一种连你自己都无法表现的行为。

Remember, too, that disciplining your child doesn't mean controlling her – it means teaching her to control herself. Punishment might get her to behave, but only because she's afraid not to. It's best for your 2-year-old to do the right thing because she wants to – because it makes the day more fun for her or makes her feel good.

也请记住，管教你的孩子并不意味着控制你的孩子——这意味着教会孩子如何控制自己。惩罚可能会让孩子举止得体，但是这仅仅是因为惩罚能让孩子害怕，所以他们才举止得体。对两岁多的孩子来说，让他们做正确的事情的最好方式，是让他们想做正确的事情——因为这会让他们觉得这一天更有趣，或者让他们感觉良好才行。

Use time-outs – positively. A time-out can be used with kids this age if nothing else works. Use it more as a chance for your child to calm down and get herself under control, not to punish her for lacking the emotional control she's too young to have. When your child is ready to explode because she isn't getting her way, a time-out can help her cool off.

正面使用暂停。如果其它任何办法都不管用的话，这个年龄的孩子可以使用“暂停”这个方法。更多地利用它作为一个机会，让你的孩子冷静下来，让自己得到控制，而不是惩罚她缺乏情绪控制，她太小了，没有。当你的孩子准备好爆炸，因为她没有办法，超时可以帮助她冷静下来。

If you feel yourself getting too worked up, take your own time-out – just to calm down and gather your thoughts. You'll not only set a good example, you might get a much-needed break. Once you both feel better, that's the time to talk about appropriate behavior.

如果你觉得自己太累了，那就自己暂停（休息）一下——只是冷静下来，集思广益。你会不仅仅只是树立一个给孩子的好榜样，你也与此同时收获必需的暂停休息时间。一旦你和孩子都感觉好些了，那就是时候可以和孩子一起讨论适当的行为了。

Empower your 2-year-old. Providing opportunities for your child to make her own choices allows her to try out some of her newfound autonomy in a controlled environment. Instead of demanding that she put on the jeans you've selected, for instance, let her choose one of the two pairs you've laid out. Ask if she'd like peas or green beans with dinner, and which of two stories at bedtime.

赋予你2岁的孩子应有的权利。为你的孩子提供自己选择的机会，让她可以在一个可控的环境中尝试一些新发现的自主性。例如，不要要求她穿上你选择的牛仔裤，让她从你设计的两条牛仔裤中选择一条。问她晚餐是否要豌豆或绿豆，以及睡前两个故事中的哪一个。

Another way to help your youngster feel more in control is to tell her what she can do instead of what she can't. Rather than saying, "No! Don't throw that ball in the house!" say, "Let's go outside and throw the ball together." If she wants an ice cream cone before dinner, tell her she can choose between a slice of cheese and a banana.

另一种帮助你的孩子，让他们感觉让他们自己能更加做主的方法，是告诉他们能做什么，而不是告诉他们不能做什么。例如：不能说：“不！别把球扔到房子里去！”，而是说：“让我们一起出去玩球吧。”如果孩子想在晚饭前吃一个冰淇淋蛋卷，那么你可以告诉孩子，他/她可以在一片奶酪，或一个香蕉之间，做出选择。

Choose your battles. If your fashionable 2-year-old wants to wear her striped turtleneck with her pink, polka-dot leggings, what do you care? If she wants waffles for lunch and peanut butter and jelly for breakfast, what's the harm?

抉择你为何而战斗。如果你时髦的2岁孩子想穿她的条纹高领毛衣和粉色圆点紧身裤，你自己会在乎什么呢？如果她午餐想吃华夫饼，早餐想吃花生酱和果冻，又有什么害处呢？（译者：意思是别为鸡毛蒜皮的事情和孩子过不去）

Sometimes it's easier to look the other way when she splashes in a mud puddle on the way home, for example, or stuffs her puppet under her bed instead of putting it on the proper shelf.

有时候，当你的孩子在回家的路上，故意踩踏到泥坑里，或者孩子把木偶塞在床底下而不是归位放在架子上时，你会更容易看向另一个方向（的解决之道）。

Respect her age. Try to avoid situations that are sure to send your 2-year-old into a meltdown. Why risk taking her to a fancy restaurant when you could just meet your sister for a picnic in the park? How realistic is it to expect your child to behave in a clothing store or sit quietly during an hour-long community meeting?

尊重孩子的年龄特点。你要尽量避免让你2岁多的孩子陷入崩溃的场景。举例来说，当你能在公园里和孩子的姨妈一起野餐时，为什么你非得冒险带着孩子去一家高级餐馆和姨妈一起吃饭呢？　还有，从实际出发，如果参加历时一个小时的社区会议，或者在一家服装店，你怎么能期望你的孩子，能够在这些场合举止得体，或者安静地坐着？（译者：这根本不符合这个年龄孩子的天性。）

If you find yourself in a tricky situation, do your best to avoid a confrontation with your child. At this age, says Nelsen, constant supervision and redirection are the most effective parenting tools. Remove your child kindly but firmly from what she can't do and give her an activity she can do.

如果你发现自己陷入棘手的场景，你最好避免与你的孩子直接发生冲突。在这个时代，尼尔森说，持续监督和重定向是最有效的育儿工具。请你一定要和善地，但是坚定地移除孩子的不该有的行为，并且告诉孩子什么是他们可以被允许的行为。

Finally, respect the unique world your 2-year-old lives in, especially the way she perceives time (or doesn't). Rather than expecting her to jump up from a game at daycare to rush home with you, give her a few minutes and help her switch gears. ("Kate, we're leaving in five minutes, so please finish up.")

最后，尊重你2岁的孩子所生活的独特世界，尤其是孩子自己对时间的独特感知方式（不论有或者没有）。与其指望孩子从托儿所的游戏时间中能立即中断跳出来，和你一起回家，不如多给孩子几分钟时间，帮助孩子适应。（“凯特，我们五分钟后就要走了，请你按时结束玩耍哦。”）

There's no guarantee that your child will break away from her fun without complaint. But as long as you're patient and consistent, your child will eventually learn that defiance isn't the way to get what she wants.

我们这篇文章不能保证你的孩子会毫无怨言地从他/她的玩耍乐趣中毫无怨言地起身离开。但只要你有耐心和始终如一，你的孩子最终会明白，违抗父母的指令，并不是得到自己想要的东西的正确途径。