活久见!又到了这个动脑子的时候,原来文书还可以这么写
众所周知,文书是向招生官展示自己的最有力的申请工具。
每一个想法和每一句话的思路、用词及处理都是至关重要的。
在申请留学的过程中,文书是十分重要的申请材料之一,一份好的文书能够让学生在众多的申请者之中脱颖而出。
那么如何写好一篇文书呢?一篇文书中有哪些需要突出的重点?如何在短短的一篇文字迅速抓住招生官的心?
废话不说,咱们开!盘!
原文参议
Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others.
学校: Emory University 分类:PS:Show How You’ve Grown Through Experience
①
Good things happen to those who wait.
好事发生在愿意等待的人身上。
②
When my sister and I took baths together at ages four and six, we needed toys. We had the dream collection of wind up boats and rubber ducks, but only one waterproof Barbie doll with color changing hair. Controversy was inevitable. We took turns as Barbie’s loyal caregiver, but unfortunately the story never ended simply. My aggressive sister would prove her dominance and steal Barbie. To win her back, I would patiently count three Mississippis before swiftly flailing my limbs in the tub. No parent is willing to discipline a child who has the splashing power of a Super Soaker 2000, so Barbie was returned to her rightful owner. As for my sister? She lost her Barbie privileges for the remainder of the bath. Good things happen to those who wait.
姐姐和我在分别六岁和四岁的时候一起洗澡时常常需要玩具。我们的玩具收藏有帆船和橡皮鸭,却只有一个有着会变色头发的防水芭比娃娃。争吵因此难以避免。我们约定轮流充当芭比的守护者,但是,故事不会轻易结束。我好胜的姐姐为了证明自己的统治地位,偷走我的芭比。为了赢回她,我会耐心地数三秒,然后在浴盆里迅速地舞动四肢。没有父母愿意管教一个拥有超级水枪2000泼水能力的孩子,所以芭比被物归原主。至于我姐姐呢? 她在洗澡的剩余时间里失去了照顾芭比的权利。好事发生在愿意等待的人身上。
③
My knack for patience continued. At high school orientation, Ms. Ainsworth described the people who make things happen, watch what happens, and wonder what happened. She urged us to make things happen, but like my peers, I condescendingly rolled my eyes and continued to text. I was already too busy watching my life happen to listen. I relied on others for my identity. I looked like my friends, acted like my friends, and tried to fill myself with empty self-importance. I waited to note their fashion trends, outside interests, and catch-phrases before mirroring them. I was not alone: we all wanted to be the same…or rather needed to. It was a complex net of fragile insecurities that somehow never unraveled. With this carefully edited group, individuality was an impossibility. As I developed my own interests, I attempted to cover anything that made me different. These friendships indirectly created a division between who I was and who I wanted to be. My days were loaded with gossip, hostility, and tears when I craved encouragement, kindness, and happiness. But why change my life so dramatically when it meant risking my “perfect” persona? I did nothing because good things always seemed to happen to those who waited.
我继续保持着耐心。在高中迎新会上,Ainsworth老师提到了那些让事情发生的人,看事情发生的人,和想知道发生了什么的人。她是在敦促我们要有所作为,但是,我却跟我的同学一样,转了转眼珠,继续发短信。我在忙着看我的生活发生的事情,没有时间仔细听她的话。我依靠别人来寻找我的身份。我看起来像我的朋友,行为也像我的朋友,试图让自己充满空洞的自负。我等着了解她们的时尚趋势、兴趣和口头禅,然后再进行模仿。我并不孤单:我们都想成为同样的人……或者更确切地说,我们都需要成为同样的人。这是一个由脆弱的不安全感构成的复杂网络,不知怎么的,它从未被解开。在这个精心编辑的群体中,拥有个性是不可能的。当我发展我自己的兴趣时,我试图涵盖任何使我与众不同的东西。这些友谊间接地造成了我是谁和我想成为谁之间的分歧。当我渴望鼓励、善良和幸福时,我的日子充满了流言蜚语、敌意和眼泪。但是,为什么我要冒着失去“完美”人格的风险,如此戏剧性地改变我的生活呢?我什么也没做,因为好事发生在愿意等待的人身上。
④
At the start of junior year, some switch flipped. I no longer wanted to patiently wait and watch my life happen. I wanted to be myself rather than the flawless reflection of these habitual friendships. I realized that I needed to fracture all my relationships and, thus, my identity. Shockingly, high school does not react well to drastic social change. Nevertheless, I found the courage to dump my status-conscious boyfriend. Over the next several weeks, I distanced myself from my friends.
My attendance declined at social gatherings (which evolved from Disney movie nights to “wine & mac & cheese” nights). I skipped the annual Halloween party and ignored them at lunch to do homework. After a semester of awkward encounters, I pulled the plug on a whim and left the group text. I felt scared, anxious, nervous, and uncomfortable; countless tears nearly blurred the happiness I gained from my freedom. I had no close friends for support, so I indulged in the unique passions of which I was once embarrassed. I got to know the people alongside me in clubs and activities more deeply and — without my old mask — discovered the value of authenticity. My friend group shifted from a predictable clique to a vibrant collection of individuals. My new friends and I didn’t all dress alike or participate in all the same activities, but that was okay.
在十一年级开始的时候,一些转变发生了。我不想再耐心地等待,看着我的生活发生变化。我想做我自己,而不是这些习惯性友谊的完美反映。我意识到我需要打破我所有的人际关系,从而打破我的身份。令人震惊的是,高中并没有很好地应对剧烈的社会变化。尽管如此,我还是鼓起勇气甩掉了我那个注重身份地位的男朋友。在接下来的几个星期里,我疏远了我的朋友们。我参加社交聚会的次数减少了(从迪士尼电影之夜到“葡萄酒与奶酪”之夜)。我没去参加一年一度的万圣节派对,中午也没去做作业。在经历了一个学期的尴尬遭遇后,我突发奇想取消了约会,并留下了群发短信。我感到害怕、焦虑、紧张和不安;无数的泪水几乎模糊了我从自由中获得的快乐。我没有亲密的朋友支持我,所以我沉溺于我曾经感到尴尬的独特的激情中。我更深入地了解了俱乐部和活动中身边的人,发现了真实的价值。我的朋友圈子从一个可以预测的小圈子变成了一个充满活力的小团体。我和我的新朋友们并不都穿得一样,也不参加同样的活动,但这没关系。
⑤
They accepted me for me, and I did too. Good things must not happen only to those who wait.
他们接纳了我,我也接纳了他们。好事不应该只发生在那些耐心等待的人身上。
⑥
I noted the difference between patience and effort. I stopped watching things happen and started making things happen. Unlike my passive strategy with Barbie, I learned to actively fight for myself. I worked hard to be me and saw an overwhelmingly fulfilling result. So, maybe good things happen to those who wait…but great things happen to those who work.
我注意到了耐心和努力的区别。我不再看着事情发生,而是开始让事情发生。与我对芭比娃娃的被动策略不同,我学会了主动为自己奋斗。我努力做我自己,并看到了一个压倒性的令人满意的结果。所以,也许好事发生在那些等待的人身上,但伟大的事情发生在那些努力做事情的人身上。
招生官点评
More often than not, students feel pressure to come up with the most unique and original essay topic to show admission officers they are different and special. However, the best essays always have the same topic, the student. In reading this specific application, we know this student is an excellent athlete, she has committed herself to a philanthropic cause, and her teachers hold her in high regard. The essay is her opportunity to tell us a little bit more about herself, not how she spends her time but rather how she approaches her life.
通常情况下,学生们会感到压力,要想出最独特、最原创的论文主题,向招生官展示他们的与众不同和特别之处。然而,最好的作文总是有相同的主题,学生。通过阅读这个具体的申请,我们知道这个学生是一名优秀的运动员,她一直致力于慈善事业,她的老师很尊重她。这篇文章是她告诉我们更多关于她自己的机会,不是她如何度过她的时间,而是她如何对待她的生活。
I think my favorite part about this essay is that it feels so high school. Which is perfect because this student is in high school. There is an honesty here that avoids cliché but also captures the moments of high school. The eyes roll, there’s pressure to fit in, insecurities and around every corner and gossip abound. While I don’t miss these days, I certainly remember them. These are normal high school struggles and, in some ways, make this student seem, well, ordinary. However she is on a journey of self-discovery, recognizing what she values in her friendships, and what she does not. While so much of her essay describes her traditional high school experience, the essay mirrors her life and takes a turn for the unexpected. She is taking an active role in her life and while it is a challenge at first, she offers a fresh perspective. Her “great things happen to those who work” left the admission committee contemplating our own lives a bit and is advice that resonates.
我认为这篇文章中我最喜欢的部分是它给人一种高中的感觉。这是完美的,因为这个学生是在高中。这里有一种诚实,避免陈词滥调,但也抓住了高中的时刻。眼睛转动,有融入的压力,不安全感,到处都是流言蜚语。虽然我并不怀念这些日子,但我确实记得它们。这些都是普通高中的挣扎,在某种程度上,让这个学生看起来,嗯,很普通。然而,她正在一个自我发现的旅程中,认识到她在友谊中看重什么,不看重什么。虽然她的很多文章都描述了她传统的高中生活,但这篇文章反映了她的生活,并出现了意想不到的转折。她正在她的生活中扮演一个积极的角色,虽然一开始这是一个挑战,但她提供了一个新的视角。她的《工作的人有好事发生》让招生委员会对我们自己的生活产生了一些思考,她的建议引起了共鸣。
来自Uni君的浅见
初读全文,就题材而言给人感觉没有太多的新颖之处,是一篇传统的描述成长过程经历的文书 。全文开篇第一句话“Good things happen to those who wait” 描述了该学生的初始对待事物的观念:好事是留給懂得等待的人’ ,这一观念所传达的是“被动’状态。最后一句,“maybe good things happen to those who wait…but great things happen to those who work.”所传达的是“主动”状态。没有太多新颖的感觉。第二遍,逐步意识到这不是一篇单纯的描述成长过程的文书,而是一篇有关作者发现真我,自我认知的心路历程。该文书给我带来多层次的感受。
简直是
奥!利!给!
全文描述了作者从孩童时期到高中时期发生在生活学习中的各种事件。
第一段描述了学生的孩童时期的生活片段
当与姐姐遇到矛盾,是通过哭闹从而获得芭比娃娃的归属问题。“好事是留給懂得等待的人”中的等待是期待父母的帮助,从而实现一些自己希望得到的东西或者办成的事情。但是对于还处于孩童时期的作者,这样的“等待”实属正常。
第二段之后描述的是学生进入高中后
学生意识到自己如同其他同龄孩子一样,彼此都是活在别人的世界里,自我的人格是依赖于他人的,并表现出他人喜欢的样子。不同的个体有着相同的外表。面具,成为高中时期作者的伪装。随着作者的成长,她逐步形成并拥有了自己的兴趣爱好,个性特点等。作者想撕下伪装,展现真我。
但是,TA或许由于习惯而依旧秉持着着“好事是留給懂得等待的人”而不去主动的做出改变。即便学生已经被老师提示过“好事是需要通过自己创造的”之后。
进入到高三后,作者已经不想再通过等待让好事发生了。
第一次认识到并非所有的好事是留给懂得等待的人,而是留个主动创造的人的。作者为了表现真我,而开始做出一些列的改变,譬如:翘课,分数下降,失去朋友等不利的问题也接踵而至。作者在改变的过程中感受到痛苦,焦虑,不安等,但,并没有选择放弃,而是为了追求真我,努力继续做出改变。
最终,她实现了真我,形成了新的拥有多样性的交际圈,实现了TA进入高中初期的愿景。同时,TA也意识到努力和耐心,等待与创造的区别。
阅读本文后,给我感觉除了是一篇申请美国本科的文书外,还传达出一些理念,从而给读者带来了一些深层次的感受和感悟。或许,这些更深层次的感悟是这篇文书虽然题材较为常见,但能够脱颖而出的关键。
第一层感受:
她是一个习惯于在舒适区(comfort zone)生活,害怕恐惧改变,被动的学生,变成一个用于面对恐惧,跳出舒适区并主动做出努力改变的学生。习惯,无论好坏,我们每一个人都有,它是一把双刃剑。但是,如何能分辨出深层次对于好习惯与坏习惯的判断? 舒适区,或许不同的人都拥有者一定的舒适区,但是愿意跳出舒适区的思想和勇气是值得肯定和赞扬的。
第二层感受:
勇于撕下面具,实现真我。由于我们每个人在社会中会扮演不同的角色,不同的身份。都存在着面具这一情况,不论好坏。但是,有足够的勇气撕下面具,实现真我并非易事。
第三层感受:
本文或许还传达出一种【自我认知】以及【本我自我】转变的意识表现。孩童时期,展现出的是【本我】。高中时期形成了自己的意识和构建了自己的人格,属于【自我】.首先,对于高中生的作者,能够实现自我认知以及实现自我是非常优秀的,并且传达出作者的探索和发现精神。其次,作者能够积极的做出改变,这点很关键也是非常难能可贵的。
符号留学-文书库
留学申请中非常重要的步骤,每一篇文书都像是一张考卷,学生书写文书时,往往不知道从何下手,那么如果有了申请成功案例的文书作为参考,将让书写文书变得更加容易。在这里,Uni君要向大家特别推荐我们MyUniUni符号留学非常“豪横”的功能--文书库。
符号中外专家团根据学生的不同特质量身打造专属的高精尖文书。文书库内含上百个精彩案例,题型全覆盖,并且每一篇都有校方招生官的官方点评。想获取更多文书请登录符号留学官网查看文书库:https://www.myuniuni.com/essay/list
所以,童鞋们~要向自己的被录取几率更大,一篇优秀的文书是非常重要的。正如Uni君至理名言所说:把时间放在你心爱的事情上,把留学规划交给最专业的符号!