2019年3月写作反馈直播（二）

自现象级英语

Paraphrasing techniques: maintain the focus of the original sentence, highlight the linking devices,  and keep as simple as possible

Topic

Rewriting sentences

The original sentence
Group 1

To learn: in the long run=for long(only used in negative sense), in the long term，a panacea for sth

To improve: increased 改为increase, fuel cost改为 fuel costs

Group 2

To learn: It is indisputable that, There is no denying that, be largely attributed to(less common vocabulary), yet, drop, spur, short-lived

Group 3

To learn: There is a slim chance that(Chances are slim that), the use of private cars, indeed 

To improve: The focus of the rewrites differs from that of the original. As a result, the aforementioned information "private car use" as a linking device is overlooked. 

Group 4

To learn: admittedly (常用于句首，诚然)= undeniable, no denying,

Admittedly，reform is not easy. （That is not to say reform is always easy.）

To improve: inhibit, upraise

Group 5: my versions

To learn: A is likely to need more than B, The fact that....does not mean that......

Fault: should be--would be/ will be

Group 6

To learn: however 插入语
Faults: 地道的英文中很少见：As we all know 可以省掉，As is known to all 可以省掉

Justin's versions

To learn: ideal/ right/ perfect solution

The ending paragraph
Group 1

To learn: by means of, by raising people's awareness
Faults: 句型不存在It would determine ...to do; for long只用于否定句

Group 2

To learn：for sth to happen, A should do B;

Faults: moreover 前应用分号或句号；appeal to the public 不等于educate the public; Ling's version is a bit redundant.

Rule of thumb: Simplity is the best policy.

Group 3

To learn: by virtue of =by means of ; we can do

Faults: Ling's overuse of nouns and expressions; long-term 的搭配不对

Group 4: my versions

To learn: would mean, urge, allocate

Improvements: two measures/initiatives 替换 two things

Group 5

To learn:two policies

Faults: redundancy, too long

Group 6

To learn: take full advantage of , ensure

Faults: The choice of words should be close to the original in meaning.    ease off

Takeaways

Personal Review

Rewriting is likely to need more than transmitting the intended message. While it is undeniable that paraphrasing is one of the key components of rewriting, mere repetition is unlikely to impress readers. Vivid/Lively expressions and sentence patterns should be made attractive alternatives to dull stereotypes.

In conclusion, a rendition of high calibre would depend on deliberate practice and on a pair of sharp eyes.

Takeways

A : When you see a sentence that captures your eyeballs, ask yourself "How do I express the idea/message of the sentence". The essence is not to read without thinking.

B: Bear in mind that reading different materials on the same topic can be both delightful and inspiring. Deliberate practice in this respect should be applied.

C: Classify and collect high frequency words, expressions and sentence patterns. Take full advantage of them.