雅思大作文005–晚育的原因及优劣势(2017年4月8日真题)

一、题目
In some countries around the world men and women are having babies late in life. What are the reasons? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
二、解析
这是一篇现象及利弊分析社会生活大类结合型题目。话题是晚育,要点是晚育的原因和利弊。我觉得晚育的原因可能有女性经济的独立、女权主义思想的普及、女性对事业成功和独立人格的优先追求、社会生存的压力、享乐主义思潮的盛行、避孕技术的提高等。晚育弊大于利,因为晚育不利于婴儿的健康发育和孕后母亲身体的恢复以及婚姻家庭的稳固。适龄生育是多赢和有益的正确做法。
三、正文(附写作过程有声思维评注)
Nowadays more and more couples choose to have their babies at their very senior age, for instance when they are in their late 30s or even 40s. What are the possible reasons? Do the pros outweigh the cons? In the following paragraphs, I would like to share some of my personal viewpoints.
As far as I am concerned, there are four main possibilities that male and female decide to give birth to their kids very late in their life (在这里,我打算从上面的题目解析中选出三条自己比较熟悉和方便论述的理由来讨论。). To begin with, men and women may put their career first before they prepare to conceive their babies. For these couples, a successful profession is essential for them to build a carefree and love nestle for their future offspring. In addition, the pressure of life force a lot of young family to postpone the time to have their kids because it is too expensive to mortgage a decent apartment, a private car or send their kids to a high quality nursery school. One of my close friend once told me the tuition fee for her daughter to be looked after in a kindergarten took up almost two thirds of the total salary of her husband and her, which put a considerable stress on the young family. What’s more, some young couples just indulge themselves in personal enjoyment (此处个人享乐应该有一个专门术语来表述,现在即兴写作一时想不起来了,晚点修改文稿时我再去查找一下) by throwing huge cash traveling all over the world or living a luxury’s lifestyle and the progress of birth control techniques also makes the couple easier to determine when and how many kids they want to have. Due to the above four main reasons, more and more people apt to have their babies very late in their life.
In my opinion, having babies late in life posing more drawbacks than benefits to the mothers, fathers as well as the society. Although having babies late can bring the couple more time to build up their successful career and relieve some financial pressure when they are young (这一句话是写完结尾后来加的。因为我想用一下先扬后抑的手法让观点的论述更加丰满和充实。) on the one hand, if women give birth to their babies too late in their life, their babies cannot develop and grow as healthy and strong as their siblings delivered to the world when their mom are much younger. Besides, the new mothers cannot recover as soon and wel as the ones when they are at their pregnancy appropriate age period according to scientific research.On the other hand, a family without kids is more likely to break up and ends in divorce because it has no kids serving as cohesive ties to fasten the family bond.
To sum up, as a result of career oriented thinking mode, economic burden, personal indulgence in luxious lifestyle(享乐主义思潮)and advances in pregrency avoidance methods, more and more couple put off their kids-parenting date. I think the disadvantages of this lifestyle outweigh the advantages and the subsequent consequences should be well transmitted to the relevant parties to think twice their decision.
四、范文比对及修改
(这部分晚点回来完成。早餐时间到。我先去吃一点东西再回来,哈哈。)
上午抽空读了唐伟胜老师的范文,发现唐老师的范文在话题的导入、论证的思路和素材以及地道语言的表达方面都有许多亮点值得我学习。
首先在话题导入方面,唐老师引用了英国一家知名日用品零售店老板50岁高龄才要了自己的第一个孩子的例子生动有趣地提出了话题。我想唐老师之所以能够拿出这个生动的例子来导入话题,一定跟他平时留意生活和在素材积累方面是个有心人有关吧?对比自己的套路写法,个性灵动很多。在这里我也联想到我的一个朋友一直丁克到40岁才改变初衷生育了一对双胞胎的事例,感觉如果用在我的习作中一定会增色不少。下面的修改稿我就打算尝试使用一下,看看效果。
其次在思路和素材选用方面唐老师使用了跟我习作相同的一边倒的论证手法,不过我是反对,他是赞成。我注意到在讨论晚育的益处时唐老师也对晚育的弊端做了相关反驳,整篇文段论点的论述十分充分和有力。在素材方面,唐老师秉承一贯的物质、精神和社会的思路选用了年轻夫妇育儿的经济压力、自我实现的精神追求和社会对有子女的女性的不公平待遇等方面来探讨自己的观点,利弊讨论也基本延续了这个路径。这种文章的段落铺陈条理清晰、张弛有序,同样今后值得我借鉴和学习。
最后,在语言表达方面,唐老师的文章也有许多地方可圈可点,值得参考。如以下几个好词好句的用法:
1)成为头条 make headline news
2) 在我看来 to my mind
3) 社会对为人父母有很重的惩罚 the society has very strong parenthood penalties
4) 经常 more often than not
5) 提供带薪产假 offering paid maternity and paternity leave
6) 除此之外 on top of that
五、自评修改稿
Nowadays more and more couples choose to have their babies at their very senior age, for instance when they are in their late 30s or even 40s. What are the possible reasons? Do the pros outweigh the cons? In the following paragraphs, I would like to share some of my personal viewpoints.
As far as I am concerned, there are four main possibilities that male and female decide to give birth to their kids very late in their life. To begin with, men and women may put their career first before they prepare to conceive their babies. For these couples, a successful profession is essential for them to build a carefree and love nestle for their future offspring. In addition, the pressure of life forces a lot of young family to postpone the time to have their kids because it is too expensive to mortgage a decent apartment, a private car or send their kids to a high quality nursery school. One of my close friends once told me the tuition fee for her daughter to be looked after in a kindergarten took up almost two thirds of the total salary of her husband and her, which put a considerable stress on the young family. What’s more, some young couples just indulge themselves in sheer sensual satisfaction by throwing huge cash at traveling all over the world or living a luxury lifestyle and the progress of birth control techniques also makes the couple easier to determine when and how many kids they want to have. Due to the above four main reasons, more and more people apt to have their babies very late in their life.
In my opinion, having babies late in life posing more drawbacks than benefits to the mothers, fathers as well as the society. Although having babies late can bring the couple more time to build up their successful career and relieve some financial pressure when they are young, if women give birth to their babies too late in their life, their babies cannot develop and grow as healthy and strong as their siblings delivered to the world when their mom are much younger. Besides, the new mothers cannot recover as soon and well as the ones when they are at their pregnancy appropriate age period according to scientific research. On top of that (这是跟唐老师学的新词), a family without kids is more likely to break up and ends in divorce because it has no kids serving as cohesive ties to fasten the family bond.
To sum up, as a result of career oriented thinking mode, economic burden, the priority to pursue personal pleasure above all other objectives and advances in pregrency avoidance methods, more and more couples put off their kids-parenting date. I think the disadvantages of this lifestyle outweigh the advantages and the subsequent consequences should be well transmitted to the relevant parties to think twice about their decision.