30周年同学会，30个人生感悟

读到一篇有趣的文章。作者毕业于哈佛，在参加毕业30周年同学会后，总结了30条人生感悟。

她强调了同学们本身在各方面的迥然不同，但是作为人，大家的人生却有那么多共通之处。

1. No one’s life turned out exactly as anticipated, not even for the most ardent planner.

人生往往与你的预期不一样，无论你多么勤于计划。

2. Every classmate who became a teacher or doctor seemed happy with the choice of career.

做老师或者医生的同学好像都比较满意自己的职业选择。

3. Many lawyers seemed either unhappy or itching for a change, with the exception of those who became law professors. (See No. 2 above.)

多位律师同学对职业不满意甚至想转行，除非他是法律教授。（请参考第2条。）

4. Nearly every single banker or fund manager wanted to find a way to use accrued wealth to give back (some had concrete plans, some didn’t), and many, at this point, seemed to want to leave Wall Street as soon as possible to take up some sort of art.

几乎所有的银行家和基金经理都在想方设法用自己积累的财富回馈社会（有的为此制定了切实的方案，有的没有）。而到了如今的岁数，他们中的很多人好像都想尽快离开华尔街去搞搞艺术。

5. Speaking of art, those who went into it as a career were mostly happy and often successful, but they had all, in some way, struggled financially.

说起艺术，那些艺术家同学是最幸福的，很多也很成功。但是在经济上，他们或多或少地存在问题。

6. They say money can’t buy happiness, but in an online survey of our class just prior to the reunion, those of us with more of it self-reported a higher level of happiness than those with less.

都说金钱买不来幸福，但是在同学会之前的线上调查中，比起没钱的同学，有钱的同学显示出了更高的幸福感。

7. Our strongest desire, in that same pre-reunion class survey—over more sex and more money—was to get more sleep.

还是这个调查，大家最强的渴望，并不是性爱，也不是金钱，而是睡眠！

8. “Burning Down the House,” our class’s favorite song, by the Talking Heads, is still as good and as relevant in 2018 as it was blasting out of our freshman dorms.

“传声头像”乐队的 "Burning Down the House"作为我们班的班歌，如今听来还是一样精彩并引起共鸣，正如我们大一时。

9. Many of our class’s shyest freshmen have now become our alumni class leaders, helping to organize this reunion and others.

大一时最害羞的那几位同学如今已是我们这一届校友会的领导人，组织了本次同学会和其他活动。

10. Those who chose to get divorced seemed happier, post-divorce.

主动选择离婚的那些同学在离婚后，过得比以前开心。

11. Those who got an unwanted divorce seemed unhappier, post-divorce.

那些不情愿离婚的同学在离婚后，过得不如以前开心。

12. Many classmates who are in long-lasting marriages said they experienced a turning point, when their early marriage suddenly transformed into a mature relationship. “I’m doing the best I can!” one classmate told me she said to her husband in the middle of a particularly stressful couples’-therapy session. From that moment on, she said, he understood: Her imperfections were not an insult to him, and her actions were not an extension of him. She was her own person, and her imperfections were what made her her. Sometimes people forget this, in the thick of marriage.

结婚多年的同学们则说他们都经历了婚姻的转折点，从此他们最初的婚姻状态突然变得成熟起来。有个同学告诉我们，在一场压力重重的夫妻关系治疗中，她对丈夫说“我一直在尽自己的努力做到最好！” 从此，她的丈夫明白了：他不应该为了妻子的不完美感到羞辱，而且妻子的行为也并不是丈夫行为的延续。她就是她自己，而她的不完美正是她的特质所在。但深处婚姻中时，很多人却忘记这一点。

13. Nearly all the alumni said they were embarrassed by their younger selves, particularly by how judgmental they used to be.

几乎每个人都为年轻时的自己感到脸红，尤其是自己当初对别人的说三道四和乱下评论。

14. We have all become far more generous with our I love you’s. They flew freely at the reunion. We don’t ration them out to only our intimates now, it seems; we have expanded our understanding of what love is, making room for long-lost friends.

对于“我爱你”这句话，我们都变得更加慷慨。同学会上大家都在互相说“我爱你”。我们不再把这句话局限于最亲近的人，而是把对爱的理解扩大到了旧时的朋友。

15. No matter what my classmates grew up to be—a congressman, like Jim Himes; a Tony Award–winning director, like Diane Paulus; an astronaut, like Stephanie Wilson—at the end of the day, most of our conversations at the various parties and panel discussions throughout the weekend centered on a desire for love, comfort, intellectual stimulation, decent leaders, a sustainable environment, friendship, and stability.

不管同学们成为了什么样的人，议员也好，获得托尼奖的导演也罢，甚至宇航员，最终我们在同学会上谈论最多的是：爱、慰藉、智力激发、合格的领导人、环保、友谊和稳定。

16. Nearly all the alumni with kids seemed pleased with their decision to have had them. Some without kids had happily chosen that route; others mourned not having them.

有孩子的同学都很高兴自己生了孩子。而没孩子的同学们呢，有的很享受自己没有孩子的生活方式，有的却很后悔没要孩子。

17. Drinks at a bar you used to go to with your freshman roommate are more fun 30 years later with that same freshman roommate.

跟你大一时的室友去以前常去的酒吧喝酒这件事，30年后做起来比30年前更有意思。

18. Staying at the house of an old friend, whenever possible, is preferable to spending a night in a hotel. Unless you’re trolling for a new spouse or a one-night stand, as some of my classmates seemed to have been doing, in which case: hotel, hotel, hotel.

在老朋友家住一晚，要胜于住酒店，除非你在寻觅新的伴侣或者一夜情。有几位同学似乎正是如此，他们住的也就只能是：酒店、酒店、酒店。

19. Nearly all the attendees who had spouses had, by the 30th reunion, left theirs at home.

有伴侣的那些同学来参加这场30周年同学会时，几乎都把伴侣留在了家里。

20. Most of our knees, hips, and shoulders have taken a beating over time.

大部分同学的膝盖、臀部和肩膀都有损伤。

21. A life spent drinking too much alcohol shows up, 30 years later, on the face.

30年后，长期酗酒会显现在脸上。

22. For the most part, the women fared much better than the men in the looks department.

总的说来，女同学们在外貌的保养上要远胜于男同学。

23. For the most part, the men fared much better than the women—surprise, surprise—in the earning-potential-and-leadership department.

总的说来，男同学们在收入和领导力上要远胜于女同学，这还真是一点不让人惊讶呢。

24. A lack of affordable child care and paid maternity leave had far-reaching implications for many of our classmates, most of them female: careers derailed, compromises made, money lost.

昂贵的幼托以及带薪产假的缺失，对很多同学产生了深远的影响，其中多为女同学。她们因此事业受挫、作出牺牲，也蒙受了经济上的损失。

25. When the bell atop Memorial Church tolled 27 times to mark the passing of 27 classmates since graduation, we all understood, on a visceral level, that these tolls will increase exponentially over the next 30 years.

当教堂顶上的吊钟敲响27下，以纪念毕业后去世的27名同学时，我们都深知，这样的钟声在今后30年响起的次数会越来越多。

26. It is possible to put together a memorial-service chorus of former alumni, none of whom have ever practiced with one another, and make it sound as if they’d been practicing together for weeks. Even while performing a new and original piece by the choral conductor.

为怀念已逝同学而组成的合唱团，事先从未为此排练过，但听起来就像已经排练了好几个礼拜，哪怕他们在乐队指挥之下唱的是原创新歌。

27. In our early 50s, people seem to feel a pressing need to speak truths and give thanks and kindness to one another before it’s too late to do so. One of my freshman roommates thanked me for something that happened in 1984. A classmate who was heretofore a stranger, but who had read my entry in the red book, our quinquennial alumni report—in which I recounted having taken an Uber Pool to the emergency room—offered to pay for my ambulance next time, even going so far as to yank a large pile of bills out of his pocket. “That’s okay,” I told him, laughing. “I don’t plan to return to the emergency room anytime soon. ”

我们都已50出头，大家好像都急迫地想向彼此流露真情并表达感激和友善，以免日后来不及这样做。我大一时的一个室友为了1984年的一件事而感谢我。一个从没有过交集的同学看了我写的《红书》，其中有一章写到了我们毕业五周年的校友报告，我还提到了自己打车去急救室的经历。 然后他告诉我，他愿意为我支付下一次救护车的费用，边说还边从口袋里拿出一大叠钞票。“谢啦！” 我大笑着说，“不过，我可不想这么快就又去急救室。”

28. Those who’d lost a child had learned a kind of resilience and gratitude that was instructive to all of us. “Don’t grieve over the years she didn’t get to live,” said one of our classmates, at a memorial service for her daughter, Harvard class of 2019, who died last summer. “Rather, feel grateful for the 21 years she was able to shine her light.”

那些经历了丧子之痛的同学展现出的韧性和感恩之心，让所有人都受到了启发。一位同学的女儿本该于2019年从哈佛毕业，但却在去年夏天过世了。在她女儿的纪念仪式上，她说道，“别为她失去的岁月悲伤。相反，要为她散发光彩的21年人生感恩。”

29. Those of us who’d experienced the trauma of near death—or who are still facing it—seemed the most elated to be at reunion. “We’re still here!” I said to my friend, who used to run a health company and had a part of the side of his face removed when his cancer, out of nowhere, went haywire. We were giggling, giddy as toddlers, practically bouncing on our toes, unable to stop hugging each other and smiling as we counted the gruesome particulars of our near misses.

同学会上最兴奋的要属那些已经或正在与死神打交道的同学们。“我们还在呢！”我对一位同学说。他曾是一家医疗公司的老板，不知从何而起的癌症疯狂地扩张，最终他为此切除了脸的一部分。我们俩笑着，笑得像两个小孩，雀跃地不断地拥抱对方，微笑着描述自己与死神擦肩而过的可怕细节。

30.  Love is not all you need, but as one classmate told me, “it definitely helps.” 

爱不是你的一切所需，但是正如一位同学所言：“它绝对有用”！