正面管教工具使用解析：第21到第30张

为方便家长们学到最原汁原味的正面管教知识，我从国外找来一些正面管教资料。以下为正面管教英文站的译文（注：本人英文水平有限，以下内容是谷歌在线直译得来的，欢迎英语水平好的家长校正，我只是知识里的搬运工），更多详细的内容可以参考早期学习正面管教网友分享的正面管教揭密内容。

二十一、拥抱：孩子感觉好会做得更好，你也是这样。拥抱帮助我们感觉好起来。 1） 当孩子发脾气时，试试要求孩子给你一个拥抱。 2） 如果孩子说，“不”，你再说一次，“我需要一个拥抱。” 3） 如果孩子再次说不，就说“我需要一个拥抱，你准备好时来找我。”（然后走开。）你可能会惊奇 于接下来发生的事情。

Embrace: Children feel better and do better, and so do you. Hugs help us feel better. 1) When your child loses his temper, try asking him to give you a hug. 2) If the child says, "No," you say again, "I need a hug." 3) If the child says no again, say, "I need a hug. Come to me when you're ready." (Then walk away.) You may be surprised at what happens next.

二十二、家务活：孩子们通过在家里帮忙，学习生活技能，发展社会兴趣和能力感。 1） 共同头脑风暴一个家务活清单。  2） 创造有趣的方式轮换工作，比如带转盘的工作轮，工作图表，或工作罐，从中选出本周的两项 家务活。  3） 花时间训练：六岁前和孩子一起做家务。  4） 在家庭会议上讨论所有的问题，关注于解决办法。 

Housework: Children learn life skills and develop social interests and abilities by helping at home. 1) Brainstorm a list of housework together. 2) Create interesting ways to rotate work, such as wheels with turntables, work charts, or work cans, from which to choose two chores for the week. 3) Take time to train: Do housework with your child before the age of six. 4) Discuss all issues at family meetings, focusing on solutions.   

二十三、幽默感：幽默感帮助家长和孩子轻松一下。 1） 记住：欢笑，乐趣。  2） “挠痒痒怪物来捉没有收拾玩具的小朋友了。”  3） 孩子们打架时，轻轻地把他们叠在一起，说“叠猪猪。” 4） 小心幽默感出现在不合适的场合。 

Humor: Humor helps parents and children relax. 1) Remember: Laughter, fun. 2) "Scratching the itchy monster to catch the children who haven't packed their toys." 3) When the children fight, they gently fold them together and say "Pig and Pig". 4) Be careful that a sense of humor appears in inappropriate situations.   

二十四、和善与坚定并行：“并行”二字把和善与坚定结合在一起，防止极端化。从认同感受和/或表示理解开始。在可能的情况下，提供选择。 例如：1）我知道你不想刷牙，来，我们一起做。        2）你还想玩，同时又到了上床时间。你想听一个还是两个故事？      3）我爱你，同时，答案是“不”。

24. Kindness and firmness go hand in hand. The word "parallel" combines kindness and firmness to prevent extremism. Start by identifying feelings and/or expressing understanding. Provide options where possible. For example: 1) I know you don't want to brush your teeth. Come on, let's do it together. 2) You want to play, and it's bedtime. Do you want to hear one or two stories? 3) I love you, and the answer is No. 

二十五、放下：放下并不是遗弃孩子，它的意思让孩子学习责任感和能力感。 1） 慢慢放下。  2） 花时间训练，然后退后。 3） 信任孩子会从错误中学习。  4） 有自己的生活，这样你并不依赖于管理孩子的生活来产生对自己的认同。

25. Put it down: Put it down is not to abandon the child, it means to let the child learn responsibility and ability. 1) Put it down slowly. 2) Take time to train, and then step back. 3) Trust that children will learn from mistakes. 4) Have your own life, so you don't rely on managing your child's life to create your own identity. 

二十六、信任：当我们对孩子表达信任时，孩子会发展对生活的勇气和对自己的信任。 1） 不要解救、说教，或修复，而是说：“我相信你能解决。 2） 孩子通过体验发展他们解决问题的能力和如何面对失望。 3） 认同感受：“我知道你很沮丧，我也会这样，而且，我信任你。” 

Trust: When we express trust in our children, they will develop courage in life and trust in themselves. 1) Don't save, preach, or repair, but say, "I believe you can solve it. 2) Children develop their problem-solving ability and how to deal with disappointment through experience. 3) Identify the feeling: "I know you are depressed, I will do the same, and I trust you."   

二十七、无言的行动：有时，最有效的办法是：只做，不说。 1） 事先告知孩子你要做什么。  2） 检查孩子是否理解，问“在你看来，我接下来要做什么？” 3） 和善而坚定地执行，不说一句话。  例如：开车时孩子们打架，就把车停在边上，看你的书，直到孩子们告诉你，他们准备好了。

Wordless Action: Sometimes the most effective way is to do nothing but say nothing. 1) Tell your child what you want to do beforehand. 2) Check whether the child understands and ask, "What do you think I'm going to do next?" 3) Be kind and resolute, without saying a word. For example, when the children fight while driving, park the car on the side and read your book until the children tell you they are ready. 

二十八、同等对待：当孩子打架时，不要偏袒某一方，而是同等对待。 1） 给孩子们同样的选择：“孩子们，你们想到和解桌那里去，还是选择轮？” 2） 信任：“等你认清问题并有了解决的主意时告诉我。”  3） 离开：当你不介入时，打架变得不那么重要。只要你定期开家庭会议，教孩子解决问题的技能。 

Twenty-eight. Equal treatment: When children fight, do not favor one side, but treat them equally. 1) Give the children the same choice: "Children, do you want to go to the reconciliation table or choose the wheel?" 2) Trust: "Tell me when you recognize the problem and have an idea to solve it." 3) Leave: Fighting becomes less important when you are not involved. As long as you have regular family meetings, teach your child problem-solving skills.   

二十九、倾听：在孩子们感觉被倾听后，他才会听。  1） 当孩子试图对你说话时，注意到你是多么经常地打断、解释、辩护、说或者命令孩子。 2） 停止说，只听。可以问这样的问题，例如：“能给我举个例子吗？还有呢？” 3） 当孩子说完后，问问他/她是否愿意听你说。 4） 分享后，着重于寻求对双方都有利的解决方法。

Listening: Children will listen only when they feel they are being listened to. 1) When the child tries to talk to you, notice how often you interrupt, explain, defend, say or order the child. 2) Stop talking and listen. Ask questions like, "Can you give me an example? What else?" 3) When the child has finished speaking, ask him/her if he/she would like to listen to you. 4) After sharing, we focus on finding solutions that are beneficial to both sides. 

三十、有限的选择：选择是共享权力的细小步骤。  1） 该离开时，你愿意兔子一样轻快地跳，还是象大象一样重重地走到车前？ 2） 如果孩子还不想走，和善而坚定地说：“留下来不是一个选择”，再次重复那两个选择。 3） 给出两个选择后，赋予自主权加上“你来决定”。

Limited choices: Choice is a small step in sharing power. 1) When it's time to leave, would you like to jump like a rabbit or walk like an elephant? 2) If the child does not want to leave, say kindly and firmly: "Staying is not an option", repeat those two choices again. 3) After giving two choices, give autonomy and add "you decide".