自深深处——王尔德致波西的信（十一）
自深深处——王尔德致波西的信（十一）
作者：奥斯卡·王尔德
作者简介及相关背景介绍请参阅：
自深深处——王尔德致波西的信（十一）
But you, like myself, have had a terrible tragedy in your life. The one of an entirely opposite character to mine.
Do you want to learn what it was? It was this. In you Hate was always stronger than Love.
Your hatred of your father entirely outstripped and overshadowed your love of me. Love is fed by the imagination, by which we can understand others in their real as in their ideal relations. Only what is fine can feed Love. But anything will feed Hate. There was not a glass of champagne you drank, not a rich dish you ate, that did not feed your Hate and make it fat. To gratify it, you gambled with my life, as you gambled with my money, carelessly, recklessly, indifferent to the consequences. When your father first began to attack me it was in a private letter to you. With obscene threats and coarse violences, I saw at once that a terrible danger was looming on the horizon of my troubled days.
但是你，像我自己一样，在你的生活中会有一个可怕的悲剧。尽管你的性格与我的完全相反。你想知道那是什么吗？那就是，在你的内心中，恨永远要比爱强烈。你对你父亲的恨完全超过和遮盖了你对我的爱。爱是靠想象来滋养的。通过想象，我们能够理解他人在理想关系中的真实状态。只有那些美好的事物，才能给爱以滋养。但任何事都能滋长恨。没有一杯你喝的香槟，没有一顿你吃丰盛的美餐，不在滋养你的恨，使它膨胀。为了满足它，你以我的生活来做赌注，就如同你用我的钱去赌博，那么轻率，不顾一切，完全不计后果。你父亲对我的第一次攻击，是在给你的一封私信中，信中充满赤裸裸的威胁和粗鄙的恶言恶语，我立刻看出，一种可怕的危险，预示着我的麻烦日子正初露端倪，悄然逼近。
自深深处——王尔德致波西的信（十一）
You sent a foolish and vulgar telegram as your answer. It was a telegram of which the commonest street-boy would have been ashamed.
From pert telegrams to priggish lawyer's letters was a natural progress and the result of your lawyer's letters to your father was, of course, to urge him on still further.
You left him no option but to go on. You forced it on him as a point of honour, or of dishonour rather.
So the next time he attacks me in public. He goes from restaurant to restaurant looking for me, in order to insult me before the whole world. Then surely was the time when you should have come forward, and said that you would not expose me to such hideous attacks.
But hate blinded you. You scented the chance of a public scandal and flew to it. You hounded him on in the chase still more. Family instincts were strong in him. His hatred of you was just as persistent as your hatred of him, and I was the stalking-horse for both of you.
你给你父亲发了一封愚蠢且粗野的电报作为你的回复。那是封连普通街边浪子看了都会脸红的电报。
从不加思考的电报到趾高气扬的律师信，是一个自然的演进过程。而你那些发给你父亲的律师信的结果，当然，是刺激得他愈发变本加厉。你逼得他没有选择，只能一往直前。你迫使他把这件事，看成了是名誉与耻辱的分界点。因此他下一次对我的攻击，就选在了公共场合。他一家挨一家餐馆地找我，想要在大庭广众之下羞辱我。那时，无疑是你应该出面，说你绝不会让我暴露在如此恶毒攻击之下的时候 。但你被仇恨蒙住了双眼。你嗅到了闹出公众大丑闻的机会，立刻抓住不放。对他更是穷追不舍。他身上的家族本能十分强烈。他对你的仇恨，就如同你对他的仇恨一样，顽不可化，而我，则成了你们两人相互攻击的靶子。
自深深处——王尔德致波西的信（十一）
You see that I have to write your life to you, and you have to realise it. The supreme vice is shallowness. Whatever is realised is right. I have now got as far as the House of Detention, have I not? After a night passed in the Police Cells I'm sent there in the van. You were most attentive and kind. Almost every afternoon till you go abroad, you took the trouble to drive up to Holloway to see me. You also wrote very sweet and nice letters. But that it was not your father but you who had put me into prison, never for one instant dawned on you. You had the sympathy and sentimentality of the spectator of a rather pathetic play. That you were the true author of the hideous tragedy did not occur to you. I remember your producing with absolute pride a letter you'd published in one of the half penny newspapers about me. It was a very commonplace production. You appealed to the " English sense of fair play, " or something dreary of that kind, on behalf of " a man who was down."
你看，我不得不把你的生活写出来给你，而你必须明白，最大的恶莫过于浅薄。无论什么事情，只有意识到了，才不会再错。
我现在讲到拘留所了，是不是？
在警察局被关了一夜后，我被用货车送到了那里。你对我非常关心体贴。在你出国之前，几乎每天下午，你都不辞辛苦地驾车来霍洛威看我，还给我写了了许多甜蜜美好的信。可是，让我进监狱的，不是你父亲而正是你。对于这一点，你从来都没有明白过。作为一出如此悲情戏剧的观众，你饱含同情与伤感，却没有想过，你自己，正是这一出可怕悲剧的真正作者。记得你曾经写过一封，你感觉相当得意的，关于我的信，发表在那众多不知名的小报中的一家。那是一篇很平庸的文章。你呼吁“英国人的公平意识”，或诸如此类枯燥乏味的话，说你代表着一个“从神坛上跌落的人”……
———\ 未完待续
（真念一思译）
图片景色——来自堪培拉，一个我非常怀念的地方……
（图片来自网络，向原作者致敬致谢！）
庐阳第一怪为图配诗：
一塔矗峰巅，双翅弋半天。
云迷幽谷深，无缘觅真仙。
（感谢庐阳第一怪配诗鼓励支持！）
自深深处——王尔德致波西的信（十一）
