自深深处——王尔德致波西的信（八）
喀纳斯湖景色
作者：奥斯卡·王尔德
作者简介及相关背景介绍，请参见：
喀纳斯湖景色
At 11 o'clock you came into my room.
I waited naturally to hear what excuses you had to make,
and in what way you were going to ask for the forgiveness that you knew in your heart was invariably waiting for you, no matter what you did; your absolute trust that I would always forgive you being the thing in you that I always really liked the best, perhaps the best thing in you to like. So far from doing that, you began to repeat the same scene with renewed emphasis and more
violent assertion. I told you at length to leave the room: you pretended to do so, but when I lifted up my head from the pillow, you were still there, and with brutality of laughter and hysteria of rage you moved suddenly towards me. A sense of horror came over me,for what exact reason I could not make out; but I got out of my bed at once, and bare-footed and just as I was, made my way down the two flights of stairs to the sitting-room, which I did not leave till the owner of the lodgings'd assured me that you'd left my bedroom. After an hour, you returned silently, for money.
在十一点的时候，你来到我房间。
我自然等着听你会编出什么借口，看看你会以什么样的方式来求得我的原谅。你心里明白，无论你做了什么，我都一定会原谅你，你绝对地相信我永远会原谅你的，说真的，这是我最喜欢你的地方，或许也是你最讨人喜欢的地方。可你非但没这么做，反而又开始重复同样的场景，用更为激烈狂暴言词咒骂。最后我不得不请你离开我的房间：你假装出去了，可当我把埋在枕头里的头抬起来时，你还在那里，带着狞笑和歇斯底里的疯狂，突然向我冲了过来。一阵恐惧向我袭来，究竟因为什么我也说不清，但我从床上一跃而起，光着脚就这样直下两层楼梯跑到了起居室，直到房东向我保证你已离开了我的卧室，我才走出起居室。一个小时之后，你不声不响地回来了，为钱而来。
喀纳斯湖景色
Is it necessary for me to state that I saw clearly that it would be a dishonor to myself to continue even an acquaintance with such a one as you had showed yourself to be? That I recognized that the ultimate moment had come. Ill as I was, I felt at ease. The fact that the separation was irrevocable gave me peace.
By Tuesday the fever had left me, Wednesday was my birthday. Amongst the telegrams and communications on my table was a letter in
your handwriting. I opened it with a sense of sadness over me. I knew that the time had gone by when a pretty phrase, an expression of affection, a word of sorrow would make me take you back.
还有必要说出来吗？我已清楚地看到，对于一个像你自己表现出来那样的为人，即便只是与你相识，都是件很丢人的事。我已认识到，是到该最后了结的时候了。虽然仍然病着，但我感觉很舒畅。认清我们终将无可挽回地分手的事实，让我格外平静。到星期二，我的烧退了，星期三是我的生日。在我桌上的电报书信中，有一封你手写的来信。怀着一份伤感，我将它打开，知道自己再也不会因为，一段美丽的言辞，一份动人的表白，一句愧恨的话语，而让你回来了。
喀纳斯湖景色
The letter you sent to me on my birthday was an elaborate repetition of the two scenes, set cunningly and carefully down in black and white! You mocked me with common jests. Your one satisfaction in the whole affair was, you said, that you retired to the Grand Hotel, and entered your luncheon to my account before you left for town. You congratulated me on my prudence in leaving my sick bed, on my sudden flight downstairs. " It was an ugly moment for you, " you said, " uglier than you imagine." Ah! I felt it but too well. What it had really meant I did not know: whether you had with you the pistol you had bought to try and frighten your father with, and that, thinking it to be unloaded, you had once fired off in a public restaurant in my company: whether your hand was moving towards a common dinner-knife that by chance was lying on the table between us: whether you had thought of some specially personal insult, or attack even. I could not tell. I do not know to the present moment.
在我生日那天你寄给我的信，是对那两场争吵的详尽复述，你狡猾而处心积虑的写成了白纸黑字！你粗鄙地嘲弄取笑我。你说，在整件事中你最为得意的，是在你动身回城之前，返回那间大酒家，把你的午餐费记到了我的帐上。你恭喜我还算聪明，突然跳下病床，飞奔下楼逃得快。“那可是你的危机时刻，”你说，“比你想象的还要危险。”是啊！对于这一点，我深有体会。我不知道你那话究竟意味着什么，不知道你身边是否带着那把你买来想要吓唬你父亲的手枪，那次，我陪着你在一个公共餐厅，你以为枪没上膛，还在那儿开了一枪；我不知道是否当时你的手正伸向碰巧搁在我们面前桌上的那把普通餐刀，想趁我卧病在床，给我来些什么特别的人身伤害，甚至攻击，我已无法分辨，直到现在我都不知道……
———未完待续
（真念一思译）
图片来自好友，向Mary.L致谢！
喀纳斯湖景色
