雪山在唱歌| C2 Morph <1>
Singing Snowberg
Chapter Two
Morph <1>
Chros©
For many things this world may have different answers. When you ask me what made me came here, the meaning of the trip. Guess I will say: to find shelter, to find my own kind. You see, I don't have a definite answer, shelter and my own kind are two different things. Can I find the former? Can I find the latter? Can I find both? Three possibilities, no, no, maybe I will find nothing at all. Rosa said that my heart is encaged, but how was it encaged? It became like this in a short while? Or just evolved like this through time?
The thing is, when I finally got the answers, I didn't know for sure if it's true. On the other hand, I won't know if THEY are true.
I'm very guilty for the cry today at the frost forest, also very embarrassed for the hug. Normally we don't share our feelings with a stranger, however, after we did so, everything has changed. We may expect intimacy after that, we can't resist to show it, and that's making me more uncomfortable now. Devo is looking at his hands, which twist on the belly. His eyes are half opened, perhaps in half sleep. I really want to put my head on his shoulder at this moment.
This moment, this moment, how about just do it, I don't know, I could ask Sunder about this, but I have to get into the sleep to ask her, in order to sleep I will have to put my head on his shoulder. Why, why I need this intimacy? If I don't decide right now, then we will get back to our works, we will be apart since there's nothing to connect us anymore, until I work for two months and pay him back.
This thought leads me to think about the time, reminds me to check out the past memories. Then I'll be able to delay the time when I'll finally decide, to be or not to be.
The time stops at this moment.
He is wearing a green jade, perfect circle in shape with a round hole, red thread goes across this hole and around his neck. It sways as the bus go. The purple gem, my hand reached my neck but find nothing, it is now with her, I almost forgot. Start with a question: how she got it? As no one can help me now, I'm going to find it myself. My memory flies back to the day I got the necklace.
Under the March sun, there's an ocean within, it's like someone dropped a bottle of scarlet ink into that ocean of blue, the gem shines differently as its tiny red crystal particles change direction as I hold it. The magic happens when I see the water painting behind this ocean, it changes its forms too, as though there are infinite combinations created, instead of existing there, but combines instantly as I spin it. Through these paintings, I see the Chinese landscape, I see their faces, behind the blue and red, they are sad faces. I think this gem contains stories of sorrow. No one could hold it too long, maybe that's why I can't have it in the end, in this end. It passed automatically to her, naturally. Why did I find sorrow? What about her, what did she see?
Still, I found no answer wanted.
It's about time to get off the bus, the research station ahead is approaching. I really want to get back. Get back to the frost forest where time freezes, get back to the deposit where time sleeps, get back to the ship where time sways, get back home where time settles, get back to the warehouse where time dances. These moments trapped in the past, in the certainty. That's why I can go back. I will go back.
The bus stopped. We get off. Walking in the grey corridor, rooms at both sides, they are like beans arranged in the pod. This is reality, I hate it. I hate the fact that I'm starving, hate to have to eat according to the routine. It's not the dining time, the canteen room is empty. There's a black lady sitting behind the tiny window, her face lightens as she sees me.
“Mr. Gram! Come come, there're more left today,” she put two rolls of maize pancakes, a cup filled with milk tea, and a large spoon of salad, “you must be hungry, sunshine.”
“Oh thanks, Mrs. Grace. I'm not very hungry, I had a sandwich earlier,” why am I lying? “Just call me Lucy. Come on sunshine, boys like you should have more, and you looked exhausted.”
Look at her face, has every sign of joy. Have to admit that I'm getting jealous of her. “Mrs., oh, Lucy, why do you always looked so happy.” “I have music! Would you like to hear it?” She grabs her player, suddenly the little room is filled with music. What music? Can't discern the language, but the joy just flows through me, calling back my best memories. I was working in the warehouse by that time, that’s the day all wireless disappeared.
I have lots of buttons and screens in front of me, all I have to do is to press a button from time to time, most of the time the buttons press themselves. I was listen to music with my Bluetooth earphones. The music was so good, I don’t remember a typical song, just a joyful song. Shaking my hands and body, I had an impulse to push the buttons in front of me, I knew I shouldn’t, but it’s all the same, just one extra click will do, the worst thing is more or less to cleaning up a little mess. The urge was pulling, I got closer, I need extra physical activities. Go on, click me, come on, that button is oozing with joyful red. When it was about one inch away from my index finger, the music stopped.
