托福写作语言提升的几个方面
导语：无所精进的罪魁祸首也许就是语言的滥用，我从500万字英文阅读中总结这7条，只为你的语言提鲜。（本文5600字）
我想大部分同学认为，我的写作不好的一个极大原因是，我的语言不好（词汇low，句子low），所以，大部分同学上课的一个极大诉求就是：提升语言。
但是，语言固然重要，你还需要知道在什么时候提升语言，语言在评分中的比重是多少，以及语言提升对中最终分数是积极的还是消极的，你都要有所了解，否则，万年20分，万年24分，无所精进的罪魁祸首也许就是语言的滥用。
一个写作27分的同学对大家的告诫：
Screen Shot 2020-02-16 at 3.02.42 PM
这篇文章从宏观上介绍语言提升的几个方面，让大家认识语言这把双刃剑。
首先，大家要知道
独立写作的评分标准：
good（4分/24分） ≈说服力（不偏题）+细节（具体/生活化）+语言（无语法错误的前提下，清楚明了简单流畅）
以上是我多年总结的和精炼的评分标准，整合官方给出的四个维度（复杂且极具误导性）
可以看出，语言的提升建立在1）不偏题的说服力2）具体的细节支撑之上；在此基础上，第一步语言提升应该是比较少的语法错误，其次才是语言的提升（常说的字词丰富，句式复杂等）。
大家明白这个前提，切勿本末倒置，否则后果严重。
我有少数案例，特别注重语言，有注重字词晦涩难懂的，有注重句子复杂到无所不用其极的，基本上卡在24以下，无一例外。
晦涩难懂的句子：
Secondly, although 2 hours’ movie-watching, comparing to the whole day’s reading of the paper form, would not cost you that much time, the convenience is following by the omission of plots.
(此同学卡在24分，本来可以上26 27 28分)
了解了语言的地位之后，那么
纵览两个方面：
-
字词多样性：词性的转换
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句式丰富
句式丰富包含以下几个方面：
-
简单句=powerful
-
简单的从句（1主+1从）
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复杂的从句（1主+N从）
-
减化句（全局）
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蛇吞象（全局）
-
功能句式
-
take...for example
-
nothing illustrates ...so clearly as...
-
-
装叉句式：虚拟倒装
Had...
我们一一道来
语言提升之字词多样性
谈到字词多样性，很多同学第一想到的是“高大上”“复杂”，所以在只知道中文意思的基础上滥用，只要中文意思符合，完全不顾词汇的正确用法，无脑堆砌
字词多样性，顾名思义，在用词准确自然的前提下，少重复。所以很多同学第一时间想到的是近义词。
近义词固然重要，但是，大部分同学也就在这个地方栽跟头：天呐，我词汇量低啊！！！于是乎，开始万年没有回头路的“背单词”征程。
但是，对于输出类的科目，写作和口语，
你的单词量是冰山，你能用的单词量是冰山一角。
所以，不是你词汇量不多的问题，而是你怎么灵活运用你已知的单词量，这是一个非常重要的突破口。
其中一个方法就是：
词性转换
比在头脑中搜寻近义词捉襟见肘来得容易。
比如，以下的几个单词，重复性极高，大部分同学想到的是他们的近义词，但实际上，就连想近义词都懒得想，就大量重复
important,
advantage,
benefit,
interest,
近义词：
important=significant
advantage=benefit
benefit=advantage
interest=?
词性转换：
important=名词of importance
advantage=形容词advantageous=名词of advantage
benefit=动词benefit people=形容词beneficial=名词of benefit
interest=动词interest people=形容词interesting=形容词interested=名词of benefit
...
《自私的基因》书摘，
Then again, it is of advantage to parent to know when a baby is happy, and it is a good thing for a baby to be able to tell its parents when it is happy. <The Selfish Gene: 40th Anniversary edition (Oxford Landmark Science)>(Richard Dawkins)
注意：切忌重复使用of + 名词的公式，但凡重复使用，反而违背了词汇多样性的原则了
以上，我只是举例说明常见的几个形容词和名词的词性转换，在作文中有大量其他词，一个词性转换成两个词性，不同词性帮助近义词的生成，形成反应链，比如：
词性转换+近义词反应链：
动词cause=动名词causing=名词 cause
动词cause=短语lead to=动名词leading to
名词cause=名词reason=名词culprit
短语lead to=短语result in=动名词resulting in=
...(你可以继续持续反应下去)...
除了词性转换，我们还有其他方法来让词汇丰富（比如短语），此略，请关注其他关于词汇的文章。
句式丰富的7个方面
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简单句=powerful
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简单的从句（1主+1从）
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复杂的从句（1主+N从）
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减化句（全局）
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蛇吞象（全局）
-
功能句式
-
take...for example
-
nothing illustrates ...so clearly as...
-
-
装叉句式：虚拟倒装
Had...
首先要明白
大量高分范文，27 28分的同学，他们的作文中，大部分是第一和第二纬度的句子，也就是简单句+简单的复杂句，复杂句式只是佐料，只在某一个段落出现一两个词或者句子点睛之笔。
切记：刻意追求语言的复杂通常来说本末倒置，语言是为了逻辑和论据服务的。
我的范文库中，用同学从小生活在英语的环境，语言自然流畅，但是细节欠缺。宽泛。总是卡在25，很难再精进，除非突破细节论据的具体。28分的同学读起来简单明了，畅快淋漓，句式也就1和2而已。
关于1，2句式（简单句和简单的从句）
-
简单句=powerful
-
简单的从句（1主+1从）
如果表达困难，请大量使用1+2，只有好处没有坏处！
此略。
我们来看看这个写作28分的句式（全1+2）：
First of all, there’s no doubt that it’s more easy to fail than to succeed, so for most people, failure is inevitable in life. (这句话甚至有语法错误)I can remember when I was 12 years old, I participated in a violin competition. When I was standing infront of the judges, I was so nervous that I made an obvious mistake when playing the violin. At last I didn’t got ant prize at all, which rendered weeks of my preparation vain. I also encountered a failure recently on campus. The moment I saw an F (Failed) of a calculus class on my grade list, I was shocked and then felt depressed for several days. There are numbers of times that I can recall when I met a failure. In contrast, I can rarely remember anything in my life that can be called a success, and so do most people.
27分的句式（全1+2）：
First, watching the movie first will not lead to a conflict between the film and the book. This is because the movie came from the book, which means that movie is the director's comprehension to the book. So if you read the book first, you may find that there will be many differences between your thought of the story and the director's. Take Harry Potter as an example. At the time when I watched Harry Potter, I still didn't read the book yet. As a result, I felt nothing wrong with the film. But my sister, who was a big fan of Harry Potter, she just felt quite mad after watching the first film of Harry Potter. She complaint a lot to me about the pick of the main actors because in her opinion, some characters should not look like that in the movie. And she also felt disappointed with the fighting scenes because it was much less aggressive than her used to imagine. So if we did not read the book in advance, we will not come up with such great disappointment with the film itself because it is different with what I think it has to be and can totally enjoy the story in specific director's mind.
26分的句式（基本1+2）：
Reading the book before watching the movie makes people have bigger imagination space to think. The funning part to read a book is to imagine the place, the character’s appearance and the stories that the book describes. Different people have different imagination about the same book, giving people more interests to read. However, in the movie everything shows to you directly. Nothing illustrates imagination of a book quite so clearly as the book called Alice in wonderland that described the Alice's adventures. Despite this movie was still pretty good, it could not show everyone’s expectation of the book. People who had read the book had think about what Alice looked like; what the hatter's hat looked like; how Alice killed the dragon? In people’s mind, they might had different imagination about Alice’s appearance. However, in the movie, the character was selected and the fee for the movie was also limited, so it might cannot show a beautiful scene like wonderland like we thought. Also, some character’s ability were limited, so they could not express the emotion of characters in the book.(本段有较多语法错误)
我们来猜猜这段句式复杂到爆的作者考试得了多少分：
Secondly, although 2 hours’ movie-watching, comparing to the whole day’s reading of the paper form, would not cost you that much time, the convenience is following by the omission of plots. Nothing illustrates the disappointment of noticing the omitting plots quite so clearly as the experience of watching the movie of Hunger Game. --- Time is up--- And I remember that when I read the book of Hunger Game, there were a lot of description of the environment, such as the humid air of the swamp, plenty of poison insects on the tree and the dirty water, helping me understand the terrible situation of the heroine and inferring the plots of seeking the medicine to cure the poison. But while I was watching the movie, it only showed the picture of the swamp and then omitted the other part of the environment, making the audiences feel weird while the hero was bitted by a harmful beetle. (可以关注语言复杂度，没有写完，且主题句不知所云)
24分.
关于3句式（复杂的从句）
复杂的从句（1主+N从）
能hold住又长又准确，最后加分的同学在我的范文库里面比较少见，基本都翻船了，为什么？我们来看看这一句：
请分析这一句的逻辑，even though和if分别修饰谁？
Even though a leader is very honesty, if he are not able to hold his job, such as solve the problems between organization members, hold a lot of activities to develop the organiization, his honesty will be meaningless because he cannot lead this group to be better.
这一个同学全文都用的这种句子，没到20分。
不建议使用长难句，为什么？
因为：
能用对长难句，和选择不用长难句，是两个不同的境界。
详情看下一节：
4句式：减化句（全局）
论写作经典书籍《The Elements of Style》—80页的写作书，告诉我们
Who is, which was, and the like are often superfluous.
--The Elements of Style (Strunk, William)
“在语言的精炼路上，类似Who is, which was都是多余的。”
简单句和从句完全能让你的托福的25 26 27分，如果你还想在语言上有所提升，绕过长难句，拥抱减化句吧：
真正的语言精练，是做减法的。
例子
His brother, who is a member of the same firm
改成His brother, a member of the same firm
语言减化原则：
-
省略重复的词（which who that...)
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省略无意义的词 (be动词)
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谓语动词变成非谓语动词（doing，n，prep等）
谓语动词变成非谓语动词（doing，n，prep等）
doing：
For example, the companies are required to use liner, a material that prevents coal ash leaking, in disposal ponds and landfils.
For example, the companies are required to use liner, a material preventing coal ash leaking, in disposal ponds and landfils.
n：
The author claims that the copper cylinders might be used to hold scrolls, 【because they were very similar】 to those found in Seleucia.
The author claims that the copper cylinders might be used to hold scrolls, 【because of their similarity】 to those found in Seleucia.
prep：
Second, the article claims that the cloud seeding has been successfully used to control precipitation in urban areas, because there is the evidence from Asia.
Second, the article claims that the cloud seeding has been successfully used to control precipitation in urban areas, given the evidence from Asia.
其他：
therefore: hence + n
although: despite + n
减化句的使用纵观全局，给那些对语言有较高要求的玩家，篇幅所限，点到即止。
想要深究玩家的墙裂推荐：
《语法俱乐部》（又名《文法俱乐部》），寻找相关板块自学（比如第三章减化句章节）。（这本书是我看过最牛的语法书，鞭辟入里，其他都是渣渣～恕我直言～）
5句式：蛇吞象
The Elements of Style书摘：
Place the emphatic words of a sentence at the end. (Strunk, William) 《The Elements of Style》
"把要强调的东西放在最后。"
蛇吞象句式是我自己取得名字，因为很形象，它有自己的学名，叫做periodical sentences（掉尾句）（相对于loose sentence松散句，也就是普通句式）
让我们来见识一下，用蛇吞象到令人发指的美国第二任总统John Adams，写给他妻子的一句话吧：
普利策奖《约翰亚当斯传记》书摘：
“I am, with an ardor that words have not power to express, yours.”
John Adams (McCullough, David)
我是，伴随着我无以言表的热情，你的。
word天，说“伴随着我无以言表的热情，我是你的”要死吗？哈哈哈哈。
我想你应该明白什么叫蛇吞象吧——一句完整的单句，开肠破肚把所有其他成分放进肚子里，你非得读到末尾才知道主句的意思。这就是不好好说话的典型。
这种句式在老英语中比较常见，不过，我在现代文学中也屡见不鲜。用来当作佐料，提升句式丰富度未尝不可：
《厨房秘事》2000年纽约畅销书（刚得知作者18年自杀，RIP，真的很喜欢作者江湖痞子的写作风格），我的书摘也有他大量运用蛇吞象句式：
松散句（普通句）：“Women line cooks are a particular delight, however rare they might be in the testosterone-heavy, male-dominated world of restaurant kitchens.”
蛇吞象（原句）：“Women line cooks, however rare they might be in the testosterone-heavy, male-dominated world of restaurant kitchens, are a particular delight.”
-(Bourdain, Anthony)
大家只需要看看首尾的黑体部分就明白整句大意：“女厨，在雄性主导的厨房里，简直是一件极爽的事。”（这里主要讲述厨房里面女汉子爆出口比男的厉害）
2003年出版的，获得过普利策奖的传记《约翰·亚当斯》，里面也有相当多蛇吞象句子：
松散句（普通句）：“The temperature was in the low twenties, according to records kept by Adams’s former professor of science at Harvard, John Winthrop.”
蛇吞象（原句）：“The temperature, according to records kept by Adams’s former professor of science at Harvard, John Winthrop, was in the low twenties.”
-(McCullough, David)
看首尾黑体，大意：”温度，根据xxx的记录，大概20度出头。“
用法：
一句完整的单句，开肠破肚把所有其他成分放进肚子里，你非得读到末尾才知道主句的意思。
6句式，功能句式
功能句式，用在写作中必不可少的位置，且句子特殊，让读者眼前一亮的感觉，只为了提鲜而已。
-
take...for example
-
nothing illustrates ...so clearly as...
这两个句式是我学生使用频率最高的，因为独立写作两个段落分别用一个，<u style="box-sizing: border-box;">代替for example位置。</u>
take...for example...
道金斯经典科普读物《自私的基因》书摘：
Take, for instance, the red grouse that he and his colleagues have worked on. <The Selfish Gene: 40th Anniversary edition (Oxford Landmark Science)>(Richard Dawkins)
试对比学生范文前后两句：
第一句：For example, when I was in high school, our teacher required us to read a book called Be Alive. I refused to do that because I thought it was boring through my imagination.
第二句：Take, for example, the task that our teacher required to read a book called Be Alive when I was in high school which I rejected to do at first because I thought it was boring and dull through my imagination.
用法：
注意看，第二句斜体（或划线）部分，不是完整的句子，而是以“task”为中心语的名词非谓语结构！
更多学生例句（请忽略语法错误）：
27分同学的句子：
Take, for example, the air and water pollution in a city in China, rendering a higher chance for its citizens to be diagnosed with cancer than other areas.
28分同学的句子：
Take, for example, my father, a high school dropout, and my mother, never entering a junior high, both of whom could hardly write their names in a decent way, nor did they understand math basics or English grammar or chemistry formulas.
28分同学的句子：
Take, for example, Chinese teachers in the fifties experiencing difficulty times, among which were The Great Leap, an unrealistic jump from agriculture to industry in Mao's era, and The Three Year Famine, a sheer result of The Great Leap.
在综合写作中的运用：
Take, for example, the supply of food provided for Tom, allowing him to carry less heavy bag than Peary's, shortening the time Tom needed to travel.
Nothing illustrates ...quite so clearly as...
经典社会心理学畅销书《影响力》书摘：
Nothing illustrates the boomerang quality of parental pressure on adolescent behavior quite so clearly as a phenomenon known as the “Romeo and Juliet effect.” <Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion (Collins Business Essentials)>(Cialdini PhD, Robert B.)
没有什么能比xx（例子）更能阐明xx（论点）了
用法：
=Nothing illustrates +主题句改述的名词短语（或名词从句） quite so clearly as+例子背景改述的名词短语（或名词从句）
注意：省略号部分都是以一个名词或词组为中心的名词结构！
“没有我妈妈小时候给我钱的经历更能阐明培养理财意识的重要性了。”
学生例句：
Nothing illustrates the significance of developing the awareness of personal financing quite so clearly as the experience of my mother giving me pocket money when I was young.
Nothing illustrates the importance of cultivating the personal financing quite so clearly as the experience of my mom giving me money in my childhood.
Nothing illustrates the importance of developing money management quite so clearly as the experience that my mother gave me allowance, when I was a kid.
前后对比：
第一句： Nothing illustrates this point as clear as my own experience. I took my economical course for the last time, teacher who had taught me before was still teaching us.
第二句： Nothing illustrates this point as clear as my own experience when I took my economical course for the last time and the teacher who had taught me before was still teaching us.
第一句虽然用了nothing句式，但是太短，为了用而用，第二句拖长，后面全是从句，这是这个句式的核心，叠加大量背景信息，整合次要信息，断句后，单独成句用来点题。
27分同学的例子：
Nothing illustrates the importance of rich people’s donations quite so clearly as the example of Bill Gates’ charity, which was devoting to improve the humans’ lives quality in Africa.
7 装叉句式：虚拟倒装
经典社会学《枪细菌和钢铁》书摘
Had Europe been united under any one of the first three rulers, its colonization of the Americas might have been stillborn. <Guns, Germs, and Steel>(Jared Diamond)
畅销社会心理学《影响力》书摘
Had I been more thoughtful about solving Chris’s swimming problem, I could have employed Tommy’s good example earlier and, perhaps, have saved myself a couple of frustrating months. <Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion (Collins Business Essentials)>(Cialdini PhD, Robert B.)
虚拟倒装不仅仅是为了装叉，它的存在是为了修正99%同学都要犯的语法错误（然后你们不自知）：虚拟语气。
有一部分同学觉得自己虚拟语气学得挺好，能修改虚拟语气的错误，但是轮到自己写作的时候，几乎没有同学能想起来用，所以造成大量虚拟语气的语法错误。
绝大部分同学绝对下面这个句子没有语法错误（因为你们就是这样用的阿哈哈哈）
If I didn’t get my tutor’s help, I would never have such accomplishment.
但实际上正确的句子应该是：
If I had not gotten my tutor’s help, I would never have had such accomplishment.
既然已经修改了，何不装个叉：
Had I not gotten my tutor’s help, I would never have had such accomplishment.
虚拟语气应运而生
用法：
Had+主语（not）+动词完成时, I could/would （not）+have done
学生原句（错误）：
By contrast, if I watch the film first, I can not know the details of the story
修改后句子（准确）：
By contrast, if I had watched the film first, I could not have known the details of the story
虚拟倒桩（装叉）：
By contrast, had I watched the film first, I could not have known the details of the story
例子：
If the university had made the decision all by experts, we wouldn't have such a convenient and practical rule.
Had the university made the decision all by experts, we wouldn't have had such a convenient and practical rule.
练习：
If I had watched the films before reading, the movie scenes would have limited my imagination when we read the books.
切记1： 两个句子的，前面用过去完成时，后面用现在完成时！
切记2：在该用的时候用公式——例子是过去的，据完例子分析如果是另外的情况的时候用——不用深究，否则要出问题！
切记3：切勿全局大量重复使用，一篇文章一个句子，够了！
完
再次强调：
语言提升不是获取高分的必要途径，用不好反而“偷鸡不成蚀把米”，自认语言在中等的80%同学，不建议过度重视语言的复杂和“高大上”，量力而行。毕竟：
语言的简单明了，清楚流畅才是最重要的！
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