「日更挑战」Day 22

Stoner人生中的高光时刻 - 爱情线 - Chapter Eight

He did not speak to Edith about her new behavior; her activities caused him only minor annoyance, and she seemed happy, though perhaps a bit desperately so. It was, finally, himself that he held responsible for the new direction her life had taken; he had been unable to discover for her any meaning in their life together, in their marriage. Thus it was right for her to take what meaning she could find in areas that had nothing to do with him and go ways he could not follow.

若单论对主角生活的影响，其实第八章中描写的事件于他而言是全然的苦难与不幸，而使情况愈发糟糕的，是欲解脱而不得——离婚吗？这是不被当时的社会所认可与容许的。反抗吗？当然可以，但他的心似乎太过柔软与坚韧，让我想起之前常常拿来调侃自己所不理解的人时说的话：你开心就好。

我说“你开心就好”的时候，里面常常包含了很多隐藏假设：你的欢喜忧伤与我无关且我并不在意；我不理解你的想法但反正你的行为也没影响到我，既然如此，可不就是只要你自己认同且愿意为之承担相应的后果不就好了么？

前任曾经和我说过类似的话，他说：“只要你（们）开心，我怎样都无所谓的。” 我一直相信他说这话完全是出于真心，而他也确实以自己的方式在默默努力着。只是可惜，那时的我听着这话，心中没起半点涟漪，倒是猛然想起先生在社会学课上常提的一句戏言：“内心毫无波澜甚至还有点想笑。” 于是我便默默笑了，自嘲这些年的无知与任性。末了品出一丝苦涩，那个当年不经意间说出的某句话就常常能令人感觉内心又融化了一小块儿的少年，早已一去不复返。纵然你说你还有一腔真心，可是抱歉，我已经不想要了，而你也应该放下这一切去寻找一个更适合你的人。不知从何时起，我们俩就慢慢慢慢成长为了全然不同的人。

那天我即使隔着屏幕也似乎能感受到他的歇斯底里，其实我本不愿就这样挑破的，毕竟有些事还是当面说清会更好。可情绪的积累与爆发难以控制，既然都到了临界点，那么，不吐不快。那时我还没在书里遇见Stoner，没遇见这段话。相比Edith，我一直更爱Stoner，虽然他们各有各的不幸，都值得读者去深思与体恤。

可是Stoner竟从不抱怨呀，他一直把所有的责任都揽到怀里、担在肩上，默默忍受、一言不发。虽然明明，两人都有错。Edith把他当成逃难的绳梯，然后又像丢弃磨烂的稻草那般将他排挤至房后漏风透雨的玻璃门厅下。他接受了，不发任何异议地接受了。他的内心大约仍旧是平静的，因为，他早已与自己达成了和解。

Both to S and me,

It is, finally, ourselves that we hold responsible for the new directions our lives have taken; we had been unable to discover for each other any meaning in our life together, in our relationship. Thus it is right for me(you) to take what meaning I(you) could find in areas that has nothing to do with you(me) and go ways you(I) could not follow.

Best wishes and farewell.