正面管教工具使用解析：第41到第52张

为方便家长们学到最原汁原味的正面管教知识，我从国外找来一些正面管教资料。以下为正面管教英文站的译文（注：本人英文水平有限，以下内容是谷歌在线直译得来的，欢迎英语水平好的家长校正，我只是知识里的搬运工），更多详细的内容可以参考早期学习正面管教网友分享的正面管教揭密内容。

四十一、顶嘴： 不要对顶回去。这样会造成权力之争或报复。 1）承认感觉。“听上去你真的非常生气。” 2）对自己的部分负责。“我意识到我对你说话时不尊重，听上去像发号施令或批评。” 3）分开一会儿直到我们都可以相互尊重地交流。

41. Talk back: Don't talk back. This can lead to power disputes or retaliation. 1) Recognize the feeling. "It sounds like you're really angry." 2) Be responsible for your part. "I realize that I don't respect you when I talk to you. It sounds like command or criticism." 3) Separate for a while until we can communicate with each other respectfully. 

四十二、有限的屏幕时间：看电视玩电游上网非常容易上瘾，影响人际关系。 1）对于年幼的孩子，小心不要用电视做幼儿的临时保姆。 2）不允许孩子把电脑、电视、手机放在他们的房间里。  3）和孩子就看电视，玩电子游戏，短信，和上网的合理时间达成协议。 4）头脑风暴有趣的替代活动，让家人更亲密。

Limited screen time: watching TV, playing video games and surfing the Internet are very addictive, affecting interpersonal relationships. 1) For young children, be careful not to use TV as baby-sitter. 2) Children are not allowed to put computers, televisions and mobile phones in their rooms. 3) Reach an agreement with your child on the reasonable time to watch TV, play video games, text messages and surf the Internet. 4) Brainstorming interesting alternative activities to make family members more intimate. 

四十三、激励：很多错误都是以激励名义犯下的。  1）我们从哪里得到这样疯狂的想法，当孩子感觉糟糕时会做得更好？（惩罚） 2）孩子感觉好时才会做得更好。（鼓励）  3）和孩子一起寻找问题的解决办法来激发孩子的动力。

Incentive: Many mistakes are made in the name of incentive. 1) Where do we get such crazy ideas and do better when children feel bad? (Punishment) 2) Children do better when they feel good. (Encouragement) 3) Find solutions to problems with children to motivate them. 

四十四、错误：把错误看作学习的机会。  1）以同情与和善回应错误，而不是羞辱、抱怨、或说教。  2）合适的时候，使用启发性问题，帮助孩子“探索”错误的后果。  3）吃饭时，邀请每个人分享今天所犯的一个错误，以及从中学到了什么。 

Mistakes: See mistakes as opportunities for learning. 1) Respond to mistakes with compassion and kindness rather than humiliation, complaint or preaching. 2) When appropriate, use enlightening questions to help children "explore" the consequences of mistakes. 3) At dinner, invite everyone to share a mistake made today and what they have learned from it.   

四十五、改正前先链接：通过确保爱的信息得以传递，建立亲密和信任，而不是距离和敌意。 “我爱你，但答案是，不行。”  “对我来说你远比分数重要。分数对你意味着什么呢？” “我爱你，相信我们可以找到相互尊重的解决方法。”

Link before correction: Establish intimacy and trust by ensuring that the message of love is transmitted, not distance and hostility. "I love you, but the answer is no." "For me, you are far more important than the score. What does score mean to you? "I love you and believe that we can find a solution that respects each other." 

四十六、零用钱：零用钱是一个教孩子关于金钱的好方法。  1）避免把零用钱和家务活联系起来（但孩子能够从可选的特别任务中赚钱） 2）零用钱的金额决定于你的预算，以及你希望孩子用钱来做什么。 3）让孩子从花钱的错误中学习。共情，但避免解救。

Allowance: Allowance is a good way to teach children about money. 1) Avoid associating pocket money with housework (but children can make money from optional special tasks). 2) The amount of pocket money depends on your budget and what you want your children to do with it. 3) Let children learn from mistakes in spending money. Empathy, but avoid rescue. 

四十七、看着他的眼睛：坐在沙发上，对着房间另一端的孩子叫喊是不尊重的（也不管用）。 1）停下你正在做的事，站起来，走进孩子，看着他/她的眼睛。  2）你会注意到，当你作出尊重的努力看着孩子的眼睛时，你说话会更温柔。

47. Look into his eyes: It's disrespectful (and useless) to sit on the sofa and shout at the children at the other end of the room. 1) Stop what you are doing, stand up, walk into the child and look into his or her eyes. 2) You will notice that when you make a respectful effort to look into your child's eyes, you will speak softer. 

四十八、致谢：致谢与感激让我们离得更近。 关注于成就和帮助他人： 1）“谢谢你这么快就穿好衣服，准备好去上学。” 2）“我注意到，当安娜伤心的时候，你那么友善地去关心她，我相信那一定会帮她感到好受些”。 3）“谢谢你摆好桌子”。

Thank you: Thanks and gratitude bring us closer. Focus on achievement and helping others: 1) "Thank you for dressing so quickly and getting ready for school." 2) "I noticed that when Anna was sad, you cared for her so kindly that I was sure it would help her feel better." 3) Thank you for setting the table. 

四十九、赋予孩子自主权：与孩子分享控制，以便他们发展出掌控生活所需的技能。 1）教导生活技能。  2）着重于共同解决问题。 3）信任孩子。  4）放下（一步步地）。  5）增长自我认知：问“你感觉如何？你怎么想？这件事对你的生活有什么影响？”

Give children autonomy: Share control with them so that they develop the skills they need to control their lives. 1) Teaching life skills. 2) Focus on solving problems together. 3) Trust children. 4) Put it down (step by step). 5) Increase self-perception: Ask "How do you feel? What's your opinion? How does this affect your life? 

五十、启发性的问题：提问而不是命令，邀请孩子发展独立思考的能力 1）“早上你需要做什么准备，才能按时上学？” 2）“啊哦，怎么清理洒了的牛奶？” 3）“你和弟弟怎样解决这个问题？” 4）“如果出去不想受冻，要带什么？” 5）“你计划如何完成家庭作业？”

50. Enlightening Questions: Ask questions instead of orders, and invite children to develop their ability to think independently. 1) What preparations do you need in the morning to go to school on time? 2) "Oh, how to clean up spilled milk?" 3) "How do you and your brother solve this problem?" 4) "If you go out and don't want to be frozen, what do you want to take with you?" 5) "How do you plan to finish your homework?" 

五十一、近距离倾听：  1）腾出时间，安静地坐在孩子旁边。  2）如果孩子问，回答说“我只想和你坐几分钟”。  3）当孩子说话时，只是倾听，不判断，不防御，不解释。

Fifty-one. Listen closely: 1) Make time and sit quietly beside the child. 2) If the child asks, "I just want to sit with you for a few minutes." 3) When a child speaks, he listens, does not judge, does not defend and does not explain. 

五十二、鼓励：“孩子需要鼓励，就象植物需要水”——鲁道夫.德雷克斯  1）一个行为不当的孩子是一个丧失信心的孩子。当孩子感受到鼓励时，不当行为就消失了。 2）通过“纠正前先链接”来鼓励孩子。  3）这套工具卡的每个建议都帮助地孩子感到鼓励，发展有价值的社会和生活技能，帮助他们感到有能力。

Encouragement: "Children need encouragement, just as plants need water" - Rudolph Drakes 1) A child who behaves badly is a child who loses confidence. When children feel encouraged, misconduct disappears. 2) Encourage children by "linking before correcting". 3) Every suggestion of this tool card helps children feel encouraged, develop valuable social and life skills, and help them feel competent.



作者：正面管教

链接：https://www.jianshu.com/p/5b459940b022

來源：简书

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