most people are instinctively re

"Why doesn’t thoughtful disagreement like this typically occur? Because most people are instinctively reluctant to disagree. For example, if two people go to a restaurant and one says he likes the food, the other is more likely to say “I like it too” or not say anything at all, even if that’s not true. The reluctance to disagree is the “lower-level you’s” mistaken interpretation of disagreement as conflict. That’s why radical open-mindedness isn’t easy: You need to teach yourself the art of having exchanges in ways that don’t trigger such reactions in yourself or others. This was what I had to learn back when Bob, Giselle, and Dan told me I made people feel belittled. 

Holding wrong opinions in one’s head and making bad decisions based on them instead of having thoughtful disagreements is one of the greatest tragedies of mankind. Being able to thoughtfully disagree would so easily lead to radically improved decision making in all areas—public policy, politics, medicine, science, philanthropy, personal relationships, and more.

为什么人们通常不用上述方式来讨论？因为 大多数人本能地不愿表达分歧。例如，如果两个 人去到一家餐馆，一个人说他喜欢这家餐馆的 菜，另一个人通常会说“我也喜欢”，或者什么也 不说，尽管他心里不喜欢。不愿表达分歧的原因 是，“较低层次的你”误以为分歧是冲突。所以做 到头脑极度开放并不容易：你必须自学这种技 艺，在交换意见时努力让你和对方都不出现这种 反应。当年鲍勃、吉赛尔和丹告诉我，我让别人 感觉他们被轻视时，我就在努力掌握这种技艺。

观点错误并据其做出糟糕的决策，而不是奉 行深思熟虑的意见分歧，这是人类的最大悲剧之 一。如果人们能奉行深思熟虑的意见分歧，将很 容易让所有领域的决策大大改善，包括公共政 策、政治、医药、科学、慈善、人际关系等。"