为什么你总是游走在迟到边缘？
本文原载于 《BBC》
作者：Laura Clarke
译者：武守晗 校对：刘 蕊
为什么你总是游走在迟到边缘？
It’s not always rudeness or scatter-brained behaviour – it can be something much deeper.
迟到并不总是意味着无礼或者心不在焉——迟到背后可能有更深层次的含义。
Confession: I am a late person. At least, one in recovery. In fact, I’ve repeatedly, and embarrassingly, missed the deadline for this article. I’d love to pretend this is some journalistic form of ‘method’ acting. It is not.
坦白：我经常迟到。至少我正在改变这一习惯。事实上，这篇文章我很尴尬地一次次拖稿。我很乐意假装这是某种为完成这篇文章而进行的行为艺术。但事实不是这样。
I know I’m not alone. We all know that person: there’s the child minder who is always late, the colleague who misses every deadline, even if just by a few hours, the friend you must tell to arrive 30 minutes earlier than she needs to for your lunch reservation.
我知道像我这样的人还有很多。每个人身边总有那么一个人：或是总是迟到的保育员；或是每次都“完美”错过最后期限的同事，尽管可能只有几个小时；或是你必须把午餐约定时间故意提前30分钟的朋友，这样他才会“准时”到来。
There are few habits as infuriating as someone making us wait. But, despite what may be running through your mind as you’re kept waiting again, it’s unlikely your friends and colleagues are just being selfish. A look into the psychology of lateness offers a glimpse into a mind that that may be malfunctioning. But there’s also more than one fix.
等待真得非常令人炸裂。但是，尽管你在等待期间脑海里可能有一些想法，迟到却并不意味着你的朋友和同事很自私。通过深入地研究迟到心理，可以了解到迟到是由于头脑中出现“故障”，但同时也有很多个修复“程序”可用。
No, late people aren’t rude and lazy
迟到的人不是无礼而懒惰
Perceptions of unpunctual people are almost always negative — even if misguided.
对不守时的人的看法几乎总是负面的，这可能是种误导了。
“It is easy to perceive them as disorganised, chaotic, rude and lacking in consideration for others,” says Harriet Mellotte, a cognitive behavioural therapist and a clinical psychologist in training in London. “Outside of my clinical practice, others being late is something that can particularly get under my skin!”
“人们很容易将迟到的人视为无组织无纪律无礼貌不考虑他人的人。”伦敦的一位认知行为治疗师和临床心理学家哈丽雅特·梅洛特说道：“除非是临床实践，其他人迟到会让我特别生气！”
Many late people are at least somewhat organised and want to keep friends, family and bosses happy. The punctually-challenged are often excruciatingly aware and ashamed of the damage their lateness could do to their relationships, reputations, careers and finances.
许多迟到的人有一定的组织能力，并且希望朋友，家人和老板的开心。他们很痛苦地知道因为自己迟到对朋友关系、自身声誉、职业发展和财务状况造成影响，他们为此感到羞愧。
“While there are those who get a charge out of keeping others waiting, if you’re typical, you dislike being late,” Diana DeLonzor writes in her book Never Be Late Again. “Yet tardiness remains your nemesis.”
戴安娜·德隆佐尔在她的《不再迟到》一书中写道：虽然有些人会从让别人等待中找到乐趣，但正常人还是很讨厌迟到，纵然如此，迟到仍是你的克星。”
Excuses, excuses
迟到的借口
Some excuses, particularly for acute lateness, are fairly universally accepted —an accident or illness, for example. But others aren’t so easy to swallow. Some late people will pass it off as a symptom of being big-thinking and concerned with loftier matters than time-keeping, as an endearing quirk, a mark of doing one’s best work under pressure, or having the body clock of a night owl rather than a lark.
一些迟到的借口，特别是事关紧急性迟到，已经被普遍接受——例如偶发事故或突发疾病。但其他借口就不太能让人接受。一些迟到的人会把它归因为自己思考太多，关注的事情优先度高于时间，这个可爱的举措是在压力之下做事情尽职尽责的体现，或者说其生物钟是“晚起猫头鹰型”而非“早起云雀型”。
quirk /kwɜːk; kwək/ n habit or action that is peculiar to sb/sth （某人[某事物]特有的）习惯, 举动
Joanna, a teacher in London who didn’t want her surname used, says her reputation for being unpunctual can sometimes be attributed to a difference in opinion. “A friend will ask me to come over, and they’ll say ‘come any time from seven,’” she says. “But if I do turn up at eight or later, they’re annoyed.”
伦敦的一位不愿透露姓氏的老师乔安娜说，她不守时的原因有时可以归因于观点不同。一位朋友如果约我过去，他们会说“七点后都可以”，但如果我八点钟或更晚时间到，他们会很生气。”
Being consistently late might not be your fault. It could be your type. The punctually-challenged often share personality characteristics such as optimism, low levels of self-control, anxiety, or a penchant for thrill-seeking, experts say. Personality differences could also dictate how we experience the passing of time.
总是迟到可能不是你的错，或许你就是这样的人。专家认为，不守时的人往往具有乐观、自控能力差、焦虑或喜欢追求刺激等特点。个性差异也可能决定我们如何感受时间的流逝。
In 2001, Jeff Conte, a psychology professor at San Diego State University ran a study in which he separated participants into Type A people (ambitious, competitive) and Type B (creative, reflective, explorative). He asked them to judge, without clocks, how long it took for one minute to elapse. Type A people felt a minute had gone by when roughly 58 seconds had passed. Type B participants felt a minute had gone by after 77 seconds.
2001年，圣地亚哥州立大学心理学教授杰夫·康特进行了一项研究，他将参与者分为A型（雄心勃勃，富有竞争力）和B型（创造性，善于思考探索）。他让参与者在没有钟表的情况下判断一分钟有多长。 A型参与者感知的一分钟大约是58秒，而 B型参与者足足有77秒。
You are your own worst enemy
你是你自己最大的敌人
Late people often have a “bizarre compulsion to defeat themselves,” wrote self-proclaimed late person and TED speaker Tim Urban in 2015. He gave these poor souls a name: CLIPs, Chronically Late Insane People.
曾在TED进行演讲的蒂姆厄本自称自己是个迟到者，他在2015年提出迟到的人常常有一种“要打败自己的异样强迫”，他给这些可怜的人取了个名字：慢性迟到精神病人。
Of course, there are other reasons for lateness, but many remain self-inflicted. For starters, there’s the anticipation of being late, or even too much attention to detail.
当然，迟到还有其他原因，但许多还是自身原因。对于迟到新手而言，他们对迟到有预期，或者对细节过分关注。
For Joanna, the most distressing example is writing school reports. “I never make the deadline, which looks like I don’t care,” she explains. “I think about [the reports] for weeks, and put so much angst into really assessing each child. But the fact that they are late undermines that.”
对乔安娜来说，最痛苦的例子莫过于写学校报告。“最后期限对我没用，这让我看起来毫不上心。”她解释说，“我会为这些报告思考几个星期，并且心情焦虑地对每个孩子进行认真的评估。但报告迟交这一事实会让我看上去没那么认真。”
For some, lateness is a “consequence of deeply distressing common mental health or neurological conditions,” says Mellotte.
“对于某些人来说，迟到是由于心理健康问题或神经系统疾病深感忧虑导致的。”梅洛特说。
“People with anxiety diagnoses often avoid certain situations,” for instance, says Mellotte. “Individuals with low self-esteem are likely to be critical about their abilities which may cause them to take more time to check their work.” And depression often comes with low energy, making mustering the motivation to get a move on all the harder.
“患有焦虑症的人往往会避免某些特定情况。”梅洛特说。 “自卑的人可能会对自己的能力持批评态度，这可能会导致他们花更多时间来检查自己的工作。”而抑郁症往往伴随着负能量，从而调动积极性越来越难。
Fix your brain, be on time?
修理大脑，准时？
Dr Linda Sapadin, a psychologist in private practice in New York and author of How to Beat Procrastination in the Digital Age, says some persistent lateness comes from “an obsessive thinking problem.”
纽约私人心理学家、《如何在数字时代打败拖延》一书的作者琳达·萨帕丁博士说，一些人反复迟到是因为“强迫性思考”。
obsessive /əbˈsesɪv/ adj thinking or worrying about something all the time, so that you do not think about other things enough - used to show disapproval萦绕于心的;有执著想法的
In short, she says, the procrastinator focuses on a fear attached to the event or deadline for which they are running late. Rather than figuring out how to get beyond the fear, the fear becomes the excuse – usually expressed with a ‘but’ statement. For instance, you might tell yourself, “I wanted to be on time for that event but I couldn't decide what to wear; I started to write an article but I was afraid my colleagues would find it not good enough,” she explains.
简而言之，她表示，拖延症患者通常深陷对事件或最后期限延误的恐惧之中，而不是想方设法如何战胜恐惧。恐惧成为借口——通常用“但是”声明来表达。例如，你可能会告诉自己，“我想要准时参加那个活动，但是我在穿什么上纠结了很久；我开始写一篇文章，但是我担心我的同事会觉得不够好。”她解释说。
“Whatever comes after the 'but' is what counts,” says Sapadin. She tells people to change the word ‘but’ to ‘and’. ‘But’ denotes opposition and blockage; ‘And’ denotes connection and resolution, she explains, so “the task becomes less daunting, the fear less of an obstacle.”
“无论发生什么，‘但是’后面才是最重要的。”萨帕丁说。她告诉人们要将’but’改为’and’。“but”表示反对和妨碍，她解释说，“and”表示衔接和解决，这样的话，“任务变得不那么令人畏惧，恐惧也不再是障碍。”
DeLonzor started on her path to punctuality by identifying, and adapting the very thing that seemed to always make her late. That was only after she failed over and over again to improve her timeliness, she says. And then she realised it was the thrill of being rushed that she craved. Changing what she craved was the only way to improve.
德隆佐尔通过认清并接受那些似乎总是让她迟到的事情，开始了她的守时之路。 她说，在她一次次失败之后，她意识到自己渴望的是紧迫感带来的刺激。改变这种渴望是让她守时的唯一方法。
“As I worked towards the goal of being more timely, I began to see the importance of being a reliable person,” DeLonzor says, “Developing that side of myself soon became a priority.”
“当我努力做到守时的时候，我开始意识到成为一个可靠的人有多重要。”德隆佐尔说，“努力成为可靠的人很快就成了我的首要任务。”
Then there are the friends and loved ones who simply can’t take it anymore. Instead of getting angry or upset, you can take a stand and set boundaries.
当然，还是会有朋友和亲人总是迟到。碰到这种情况不要生气或不高兴，你可以阐明立场划清底线。
For those left waiting, there is hope. You, too, can dictate what you’re willing to put up with.
对于那些愿意等待的人来说，还是有希望。你也可以告诉他们那些你愿意忍受的事情。
“Instead of getting angry or upset, you can take a stand and set boundaries,” she says. “Talk about what you will do if the other person isn’t on time.” For instance, tell your late friend you’ll go into the movie without them if they’re more than ten minutes late. Tell that colleague who never turns his part of the project in on time that it just won’t be included next time — and the boss will know about it.
“不要生气或不高兴，你可以阐明立场划清底线。”她说。 “告诉对方如果不准时后果是什么。”例如，告诉老是迟到的朋友，如果他们迟到超过十分钟，你会独自去看电影。告诉那位从不按时完成项目的同事，下次项目中不会有他的名字，甚至告知老板。
For me, a turning point came when a good friend drew her line in the sand. I was an hour late for a run in our local park. That was it, she said. She wasn’t going to make any more plans with me. And so she set in motion the best thing for me: accountability and identifying and addressing underlying problems that led to my perpetual lateness.
我的一位好友有次声明要和我划清界限，由此开启了我人生中的一个转折点。我和她约在当地公园里跑步，我却迟到一个小时。她说，就这样吧，她不会再跟我约任何事情。因此，她反而激发了我：我开始承担责任，确认并解决导致我一直迟到的根源性问题。
As the adage goes, old habits die hard, and the agonising over this article is a deft illustration of that. But the next time I find myself keeping someone waiting, I’ll be looking at my thinking, and I’ll try to change it, even just a little.
老话说得好，江山易改本性难移。写这篇文章所经历的痛苦就是一个很好的例证。但是当我下次发现自己让别人等待时，我会审视自己，我会尽力去改变，哪怕只是一点。
翻译是我们观察世界的方式，也是我们的兴趣所在。
