Beyond feelings
Who Are YOU
To be complete, it would have to include all your characteristics – not only the physical but the emotional and intellectual as well.
As for "How did you get the way you are?" chances are you'd answer something like this: "I'm that way because I choose to be, because I've considered other sentiments and preferences and attitudes and made my selection. The ones I choose fit my style and personality best."
That answer is a natural enough one. But in a larger sense it's not true. The impact of the world on all of us is much greater than we usually realize.variations in place and circumstance can make a difference.In much the same way, all the details about your family very likely have some bearing on who you are. Their religion, race, national origin, political affiliation, economic level, attitudes towards one another, all have made some contribution to your identity.
Of course, people may reject what they are taught at home. People between the ages of eighteen and twenty-one often have sharp and apparently permanent differences with their parents in terms of beliefs and values on many issues.Still, whether you accept or reject what you are taught, your present position grows out of those teachings. It is a response to your upbringing.
THE ROLE OF MASS CULTURE
In centuries past, the influence of family and teachers was the dominant, and sometimes the only, influence on children. Today, however, the influence exerted by mass culture ( broadcast media, newspapers, magazines and popular music) is often greater.
By age eighteen the average teenager has spent 11,000 hours in the classroom and 22,000 hours in front of the television set. He or she has done perhaps 13,000 school lessons, yet has watched more than 750,000 commercials.
What effects does mass culture have on young people (and many adults, as well)?
To answer, we need only consider the formats and devices commonly used. Modern advertising typically bombards the public with slogans and testimonials by celebrities. This approach is designed to appeal to emotions and create artificial needs for products and services. As a result, many people develop the habit of responding emotionally, impulsively, and gullibly to such appeals.
Television programmers use frequent scene shifts and sensory appeals such as car crashes, violence, and sexual encounters to keep audience interest from diminishing. Then they add frequent commercial interruptions. As a result, many people find it difficult to concentrate in school or at work. They may think the teacher or the job is boring when, in fact, mass culture has made them impatient with the normal rhythms of life.
Finally, mass culture promotes values that oppose those held by most parents. Play is presented as more fulfilling than work, self-gratification more desirable than self-control, and materialism more meaningful than idealism. People who adopt these values without questioning them may end up sacrificing worthy goals to their pursuit of "a good time" and lots of money.
EFFECTS ON SELF-IMAGE
The circumstances of our lives are so influential that they affect not only our view of the world but also our view of ourselves.
Dr. Maxwell Maltz explains the amazing results one educator had in improving the grades of school children by changing their self-images. He had observed that when they saw themselves as stupid in a particular subject (or stupid in general), they unconsciously acted to confirm their self-images. They believed they were stupid, so they acted that way. Reasoning that it was their defeatist attitude rather than any lack of ability that was defeating them, the educator set out to change their self-images. He found that when he accomplished that, they no longer behaved stupidly! Maltz concludes from these and other examples that our experiences can work a kind of self-hypnotism on us, suggesting a conclusion about ourselves and then urging us to make it come true.
SIGNIFICANCE OF THE EARLY YEARS
Psychologists agree that the early years of life are the most significant in shaping a person. Like sapling trees, small children are very pliable. The reasons for this are obvious. Everything is new to them. They are constantly recording impressions, and they lack any sophisticated process for sorting out those impressions and dealing with them. Children cannot think analytically. They cannot even express their reactions verbally.
The impact of children's early experiences can be profound, affecting their basic outlook toward themselves and other. Dr. Thomas A. Harris suggests that there are four such outlooks, and not all of them are healthy:
I'm not OK – You're OK.
I'm not OK – you're not OK.
I'm OK – You're not OK.
I'm OK – You're OK.
BECOMING AN INDIVIDUAL
In the current popular imagination, individuality means "doing your own thing," responding to life's situations in whatever way seems most natural. The problem with that notion is that it ignores all the shaping forces we have been discussing. It denies the fact that each of us has been channeled and conditioned to a great degree. It pretends there is some inner self untouched by all that we have experienced, all that has happened to us.
If you define individuality in the popular way and act on that definition, you'll be acting like Pavlov's famous dog. Pavlov rang a bell whenever he placed food in front of the dog. After a while, he conditioned the dog to drool when he heard the bell, even though no food was presented to him. The dog was doing what came naturally to him. But what came naturally was influenced by his experience. He was controlled by a force outside himself.
Obviously, individuality must be something more than that. It must be the habit of developing your own personal responses to people, issues, and situations, rather than mindlessly endorsing the responses you have been conditioned to make. These guidelines will help you achieve individuality:
Tree your first reaction to any person, issue, or situation as tentative. No matter how appealing it may be, refuse to embrace it until after you have examined it.
Decide why you reacted as you did. Consider whether you borrowed the reaction from someone else – a parent or friend, perhaps, or a celebrity or fictional character on television. If possible, determine what specific experiences conditioned you to react this way.
Think of other reactions your might have had to the person, issue, or situation.
Ask yourself whether one of the other reactions is more appropriate than your first reaction. And when you answer, resist the influence of your conditioning.
To ensure that you will really be an individual, and not merely claim to be one, apply these guidelines throughout your work in this book, as well as in your everyday life.
