【连载】寻找伊萨卡-第七章 她终于有一点反应了
不出所料，丹尼尔直白地承认了他对雅婷的渴望，也清晰地表明了他渴望的程度。他是喜欢她，但远不至于想要她做人生伴侣的地步。
It's true that your conversation and smile caught me from the very beginning. And that I spent the nights in Beijing imagining learning Chinese on your skin, hoping that you would appear at my door. And that the idea of spending the winter break exploring your geography had grown in my dreams.
And this is much less than a life plan. A plan that match the expectations of your
family, your society, and of your fears. Even when this is near of what you desire right now. Just fly out of the cage.
“你不会真的要去马来西亚吧？这大哥明显是个玩咖啊！”作为一个旁观者，我觉得雅婷应该停止和这个男人的进一步联系。她还没提出任何的要求，他便提前划清界线了，如此明显又有力地阐明在这个游戏里面他的规则底线。
“如果他是个玩咖，他不应该现在使出浑身解数先把我骗到手再说吗？这样的骗技也太次了点吧？”雅婷不同意我的说法。
“那是因为人家是一个江湖上有道德的玩咖！”我进一步跟她解释，就怕她掉入陷阱。
“你是不是嫉妒我？”没想到雅婷转过身正面对着我讲出这样一句始料未及的话。
“我……行！我不管你，狗咬吕洞宾！”我气得跑出了宿舍。
雅婷当晚买了榴芒蛋糕诚恳地跟我道了歉。知道她心里乱，情急之下出口伤人也很正常。蛋糕吃完我就原谅她了，但还是不放心。
“你是怎么想的？”我软下心来轻声地问她。
“我何尝不知道他有可能只是想睡我啊，但你又怎么能指望一个刚认识的人马上就爱上我呢？就算他现在说他爱我我也不信啊。”雅婷的眼神悬在半空中，徐徐地讲。
“那……”我不知道这时候应该说什么。
“但是人生真的好短啊。你知道吗？十年前，我妈妈就跟我说她后悔嫁给我爸爸了。”雅婷突然看向我的眼睛认真地说。
“为什么后悔？”我好奇。
“因为他太无趣了，还很胆小，其实他们结婚并不是因为她爱他，而是因为他老实。”雅婷解释道。
“所以呢？”我不明白她到底要说什么。
“所以我妈一辈子也不知道爱情为何物。”雅婷玩着她的手指认真地讲。
我没有吭声，她继续说：“我不想像她一样。其实现在我面临的局面很简单，有一个让我心动的人明确地告诉我他喜欢我，我要怎么做？”
停顿了一次，她又说：“对，他是说了‘this is much less than a life plan’，那又怎么样？我倒觉得比起那些上来就信誓旦旦说‘宝贝儿，我将爱你一生一世’的人并不会更差。至少说明，他是一个诚实的人。”
“那万一，我说万一啊，他就是那种上完床提裤子就跑的伪君子呢？”我觉得她分析得很有道理，但是她必须要脑袋清醒。
“我只知道我只有去了才不会后悔。只有一起经历过事情，才会有可能产生爱情啊。爱情也不是凭空而降的。”雅婷坚定地讲，尔后冲我邪魅地一笑后又加了一句：“况且我还睡到了白种帅哥一枚！不折本。”我们俩人都笑了。
其实我心里很明白，她最后加这一句无非是为自己的信心虚张声势，她骨头里是一个极其传统的人，那个时候她只是白纸一张，从没经历过男女之事。她就像第一次走出山洞的山顶洞人娃娃，对外界充满好奇，不知山外是险是奇，除了全副武装的勇气和牢记回家的路外，她什么都没有。然而，谁的青春又不是这样的呢？
雅婷告诉丹尼尔她还在考虑，同时她已经开始努力学着去做丹尼尔的好朋友，并皆力地施展自己追求自由和独立的决心。
You don't have to offer that much like a life plan. If it's also your willing, you can keep in touch with me through your phone to exchange those things, like your dreams, your troubles, your happiness as well as your pain. You can stop doing this at anytime when you feel contacting with me has become your burden. I can absolutely understand that.
从此时开始，雅婷心里已经决定去赴这个前途未知的约。我对她的友谊中尊敬的部分是从这个时候才开始有的，因为她做了一个我永远没有勇气去做的决定。同一阶层里，人与人之间真正的差别不是由门第、学历、相貌等这些外在的东西决定的，而是由他们的选择决定的。
雅婷的真诚很快就收到了回应，丹尼尔真的是一个敏感而多情的人。他回复了一封彻底收服了我的信。
My country smells of rosemary and thyme. Hannibal fought here Romans, and Arabs took silk and rice and oranges from the far East. The fields are fertile and the sound of the water is happier there where the sun hits harder.
Although I feel centuries of legends on my blood when I arrive home from my long trips
in the tropics, I've been always as a guest at my own home.
Why you, you asked. What's so special? I don't know. It is not rational, nothing to do with reasons. But you know of Quixotes and Gaudí, and you know my name and can told me apart from the multitude. And your face illuminates when I laugh loud; and I imagine that also your heart gets warm when I try to take you out of the cage. And I feel joy when you smile. You are not one more, you are 小严. I'm sure you know of Chagall and Klimt, and Tolkien and Borges and Wilde. Or, at least, you can understand it.
I don't believe in perfect matches, there are no such unique couples. Not now, no more. Feelings are internal. They belong to the more inner part of yourself. You don't love another person. You love; and the other person is there, just triggering, supporting, nourishing, adding fuel to the fire of your emotions. Depending on the season, and the dominant wind and the soft noise of the rain on the ground, you may fall in love with a very specific person or with half of the humanity. Or with yourself, because you are always there.
Love is like a lotus opening for bloom, 芙蓉出水. Don't feel proud of being loved, just enjoy it. It is not something about the future, is just present.
In my dream I can write this on your back while you take a siesta after diving in
the depths of Komodo or Raja Ampat, and you pay my poems with a smile and a
quiet joy in your heart.
If it happens that you make the decision and can and wish to pass the winter in
warmer tides, just let me know.
就是因为这封信，让我彻底转变为支持雅婷去马来西亚赴约。天下哪里没有玩弄感情的人，如果能跟一个浪漫的人玩一回也不失为一个好的回忆。我想起一个英国朋友的口头禅，“The life is to be enjoyed, not to be endured.” 你把这个世界当作敌人，它就是敌人，你把它当作朋友，它就是朋友。雅婷得到了我的祝福后更加充满信心，积极地开始筹备旅费。
雅婷拿到签证后，离出发只剩四天，但她还是只跟丹尼尔说她不去了，希望他能谅解。丹尼尔也保持着绅士风度，不过仍然不放弃地把他的飞行行程又跟雅婷强调了一遍，特别地还把行程计划表拍了一张清晰的照片通过Whatsapp发给了雅婷。
她一开始就知道他的飞机在吉隆坡落地的时间，还特地买了比他提前抵达的航班。一切准备就绪，就等风来了。她在心里默默的琢磨着，并安排好了在学校的请假和对家里的说辞，滴水不漏。
丹尼尔需要到巴黎转一次飞机，在巴黎转机的候机期间，雅婷还在跟他“真心诚意”地道歉，祝愿他旅途愉快。丹尼尔心里略微失望，但没有表现出来，即便是在排队登机的当口儿，仍然陪着她没心没肺地讲着笑话。
“没关系的，说不定我能在下一班航班上或者在吉隆坡遇到一个美人儿陪我旅行，那要我就不会孤孤单单的了。”
“你看，露出真实面目了吧！幸好我机灵，没有落入你的圈套。”雅婷煞有介事地回复他。
“哈哈哈！我找到座位了，我的旁边果真坐着一个大美人呢，我猜她一定是巴黎人！”丹尼尔仍然不放弃刺激雅婷。
“旅途愉快！再见！”雅婷还真是有点被刺激到了。
叮咚。就在收到雅婷最后一条信息后，丹尼尔手机提示收到一封邮件，发送人“严”。
飞机马上要起飞了，他来不及仔细阅读，只是打开扫了一眼，发现这封信总共至少有8页。他心里一惊，这时空姐过来提醒乘客各项安全事项，他带着疑惑关闭了手机。
等到飞机进入平流层，他才在临座一位胖先生身材的掩护下点开了那封信。信的主题是“Dear Life”。
如果说在之前的邮件联系里，丹尼尔始终对雅婷的表现感到无奈，因为她一直都在谨慎地用词，好像每说一句话之前都会经过反复的考量，确定无误后才会说出来。无论丹尼尔怎么极尽挑逗之能事去引诱她或者刺激她，她都好像没有反应，或者说反应得很工工整整，规规矩矩。一连两个月地毫无进展让一向在感情上战无不胜的丹尼尔很有挫败感，但骄傲的他从来不会表现出来。
但这封信打从第一句话就让丹尼尔原本就柔软的心化成一摊水，虽然不知道整封信将要讲什么，但他预感到自己这么多天为了跟雅婷聊天日夜颠倒的付出终于要看到一点回应了。
雅婷在信中首先用极其温柔的语气，回忆了从她第一眼见到丹尼尔至送他离开北京整个过程中她的感受。对于他的印象，她这样写道：
The first time I saw you, I have already described that to you, the only impression
is young, active, not that huge size, fast walking ,small face and comfortable.
关于那次他从酒吧跑出来解释的细节，她又这样写道：
Just as we are leaving, you come out. I am surprised. At that moment, I sense you are more than just having a not bad impression on me. I even feel that you come out mainly because of me. (I don’t know if it is true or not.) So I concluded that you were grateful for my meeting you in Beijing. My mood just really cheered up from then on. I was worry that you may have a cold.
甚至关于他离开北京那天在马路对面偷看她的细节，她也提到了。
When we walked along two sides of the street after goodbye, I have once noticed that
you were looking at me secretly. This consciousness made my unknown afraid arise again. I just walked faster and go in to the restaurant directly without seeing you again.
还有那个尴尬的道别，她完全都是明白的。
I secretly run out of the meeting room (Obviously everybody saw my leave) when I received My classmate’s message. I was regretting that haven’t prepare any gift but a handsome praise for you. I wanted to say a warm goodbye, but you just walked so fast that I can not catch up with you, and you came back to shake hands with me, that powerfully and officially. Then walked away resolutely, quickly and without looking back again. I felt a little sad, just a little. I remind myself not to overthink, and walked back to the meeting room.
丹尼尔第一次发现原来她这么敏感，心里暖意隆隆。紧接着，她还说明了她自己的心意。
Then I found my former diary. And I found the standard I set up secretly for the
future husband.
No.1 Cannot pose any threat to the society;
No.2 Can make a living by himself;
No.3 Easy to communicate;
No.4 Can enlarge my view rather than restrict it;
No.5 Console my heart to peace;
No.6 Make me be willingly to give than to ask;
No.7 The most important thing, have the determination to become old with me.
I found something like this standard is funny. The rain will never come if I just
waited at the same place, I should become the rainmaker myself if I wanted the
rain. So maybe it would be possible if I determined to become the man I want.
And then gave those things what I dreamed beforehand to the man I love.
The key point is that I don’t have confidence in my grassland, since you have tried
so many different grasslands, I think both you and me need time to gain confidence in the magical things between us.
丹尼尔注意到雅婷学习能力非常快，他只是跟她提过由于他的家乡不经常下雨，所以当地有一个谚语“Make the rain happen”用来比喻心想事成。他注意到雅婷又用了上次她给他提到的一首中国歌词“我爱上了一匹野马，可是我家里没有草原”。他更注意到了，雅婷对于感情的第一期待是婚姻，虽然她也认识到要得到一份理想的感情，必须首先学会付出。
他意识到虽然她总是在强调要追求自由和独立，但她骨子里对这份感情的期待还是有点过高，也许她自己也没有意识她其实并没有像她说出来的那么洒脱，将来一旦出现意外，她将会受到伤害，这是丹尼尔万万不想看到的。
回顾他对她的感情，他不可否认的是，他喜欢看见她笑，喜欢跟她聊天，喜欢有她的陪伴，他发现她单纯又充满智慧，特别是她在教别人东西的时候，她身上似乎有一圈光环。但这感情足够走进婚姻吗？像她指望的那样？呵，别开玩笑了，他对于自己提出的问题感到荒谬。
他发现自己一生都在回避婚姻，他过去并不是没有结婚的机会。他认为婚姻制度毫无人性，本来毫无关联的两个人因为有了一张纸而一瞬间被赋予了占有对方时间、精力、空间和金钱的权利，从而使彼此的生活步入了混乱和伤害，更荒谬的是这种事情常常是两个人心甘情愿的选择，还受到上帝的祝福。这太可怕了！一想到这儿，他更加耻笑自己竟然提出了这样不可理喻的问题。
雅婷在信末尾的备注中，写道：我为你准备了一个礼物，已经寄到了吉隆坡唐人街旧街场咖啡店，请查收。
丹尼尔仔细地掂量着这个未知的礼物是什么？刚才的苦恼早就烟消云散了。他突然开始更加期待接下来的旅程。
让你像大自然一样从容度过每一天，平和安宁。
