Struuuuggling to find the inner

During the past days, I've been trying to concentrate on some examinations and read a lot. To be honest, I feel quite relieved and free when I manage to communicate with those authors. I can see and think with the help of their eyes and experiences, thus broadening my view unconsciously. Once in a while, I'm affected by those mainstream voices that advise me to get a steady job and find areliable man to marry. I'm tortured by those words from my parents and the warm-hearted relatives. I feel lost and begin to doubt the meaning of life. I seem to be an outlaw and a monster that frequently betray their wills. I fail to talk with them or persuade them to accept my attitudes toward life. Am I an independent individual to control my life trail? But few of them are patient enough to listen to me. I often turn to my friends. I usually absorb a lot of energy from my peers. They can understand me and often comfort me by narrating their similar annoyances. Since most of us are pushed toface similar dilemma, I have no reason to complain about it. It's quite tiresome to force ourselves to follow the so called mainstream. For me, it's never a wise choice to imitate others and neglect our inner desire. Quitefew ones can really treasure their unique value. It appears to be a safe way to look like others. The world is noisy but I can hardly go against my will. Struuuuggling is hard, but going against our will and inner desire is sure to be easy? Well, I have no idea what I am saying.