Author：Kelly McGonigal, Ph.D. in psychology, Health Psychologist, Lecturer at Stanford University

Chapter 1: What is willpower?

To begin with, Let's consider exercise. If we consistently engage in it without giving up, we demonstrate willpower. This is "I will" power. Next, consider resisting temptation. For example, if we can avoid unhealthy food while on a diet, we are exercising willpower. This is "I won't" power.

Thirdly, willpower can also mean the monitoring ability that helps us know what we really want. For example, when you are tempted by delicious but unhealthy food, you can remind yourself that what you really want is a healthy figure. This differs from 'I won't' power because rejecting temptation is not the same as remembering your true desires and goals. This is known as 'I want' power, namely the ability to monitor ourselves and stay focused on our goals.

In short, willpower is the ability to harness the "I will" power, "I won't" power, "I want" power.

Two systems cause willpower challenges

From evolution, humans developed the Impulsive instinct, the "fight or flight" response to face external threats such as dangerous tigers and lions. In addition, humans also developed willpower, the "pause and plan" response to deal with internal threat, so called willpower challenges.

These are two systems that evolution has equipped us with to help us survive and thrive: System 1 and System 2. System 1 is emotional and instinctive: it seeks immediate gratification and acts on impulses. System 2 is rational and logical: it controls our impulses and delays gratification to protect our long term goals.

When there is conflict between the two systems, willpower challenges arise. Part of you wants one thing, another part of you wants something else. For example, when you are on a diet and you see your favorite kind of cake in a pastry shop. Your instinct makes you want to buy it but your other voice tells you that you are on a diet and asks you to walk away.

Quiz: Can you think of a willpower challenge you might have?

Chapter 2: What can boost and damage willpower?

What can boost willpower?

Deep breathing, Relaxation, Food, Exercise, and Enough Sleep. Especially exercise and sleep; they are super helpful for willpower recovery.

On the other hand, too much self-control is toxic, and relaxation is necessary. This is partly why we are inclined to procrastinate before bedtime. We want to extend the time when it fully belongs to us, especially when we have had an exhausting day.

What can damage willpower?

Stress, Anxiety, Anger, Hunger, lack of sleep...

In terms of willpower, it's tempting to think that we are weak, lazy, and powerless when we sometimes fail to overcome our willpower challenges. However, more often than not, the reason is that our brains and bodies are simply in the wrong state for self-control.

Chapter 3: Build up your self-control muscle

Self-control is like a muscle. It gets tired when used and it can be trained to become stronger.

How to train your self-control muscle?

Start by controlling one small thing that you aren't used to controlling. Any small, consistent act of self-control can help strengthen your self-control. For example, using your left hand for eating, or paying attention to your posture. More examples include: if you love chocolate, you can put a chocolate bar in your closet and not eat it; if you always swear, you can try to quit swearing.

Following are more examples based on the "I will, I won't, I want" power. Do the Quiz: What power does each of the following training exercises strengthen?

1.Use your left hand (non-dominant) for eating. 2. Dispose of one useless item every day. 3. Stop swearing or being impolite. 4. Put a snack on your desk and not eat it. 5. Meditate for 5 mins every day, focusing on your breath. 6. Keep track of your diet or spending.

Tips: When you plan your own willpower exercise, the tasks should not be overwhelming. You should start small. This is why so many people start a plan and give up so easily because overdoing it is doomed.

Chapter 4: Moral Licensing

Imagine that you just finished an exhausting run at night, sweaty and tired. On your way back home, suddenly you see something you really like eating, such as some barbecue, a small cake, or a Coca-Cola. Your steps start to slow down and you find yourself in a willpower struggle. One part of you says you should have it, and "you just ran so hard so you deserve a treat." Another part of you says you shouldn't. Sometimes, you can control your desire. Other times, you give in to your impulses. In this situation, your hardworking running exercise makes you more likely to give in to the temptation. Why? Because your good behavior can license your bad behavior, this is called Moral licensing: being good gives us permission to be bad. For example, shoppers who buy on-sale goods or who have coupons tend to spend more than they plan because they think they have saved money so they deserve some reward.

There are more scenarios where moral licensing will occur.

1.Progress can license goal-damaging behavior. What we should do is think about "why" you have your goal and see the progress as proof of how committed you are to your goal, and tell yourself you care about your goal so much.

2.The future can license the present. When we buy a gym membership or a hobby course, we tend to mentally enjoy the good ending from the beginning even before we use the gym or learn our hobby. This can license your present choices and make you do something goal-damaging.

We also tend to wrongly think we will have more free time in the future and wrongly expect that we will make different decisions tomorrow than we do today.

The solution is to view every choice you make as a commitment to all future choices. Ask yourself: Do I want to make the same choice for the whole year?

3.The halo effect: When bad things are mixed with a few good things, they look much more virtuous. For example, when presented separately, it is estimated that a cheeseburger with a green salad has fewer calories than a cheeseburger alone, which is impossible in reality.

Because we see indulgence as bad, so when we are not indulgent (being good), we tend to reward ourselves with indulgence.

Chapter 5: Take advantage of dopamine

Do you think the first bite of your favorite cake or the first mouthful of your favorite drink is the best, and does the satisfaction gradually decreases? It is caused by dopamine release.

We have a reward system that can release dopamine. Anything we think is going to make us feel good can trigger it. When dopamine hijacks your attention, the mind becomes addicted to obtaining or repeating whatever triggered it. However, dopamine is a promise of happiness, not happiness itself.

The dopamine experiment with rats involved implanting electrodes in their brains to stimulate dopamine-rich areas. When the rats pressed a lever in their cage, it triggered this stimulation, providing a pleasurable sensation. The rats became so fixated on pressing the lever – due to the intense pleasure response – that they neglected essential survival activities like eating and drinking.

Unpredictability boosts the release of dopamine. For example, so many people fill their fragmented time with Weibo, WeChat Moments, Xiaohongshu, and Douyin. If you can predict what you will see on those social media platforms, they will be so much less attractive, especially Douyin.

How to take advantage of dopamine to our own favor?

Dopamine bundling: mix what you like doing and what you should do, such as listening to your favorite music while doing housework.

Making Your Lottery: Design a series of lotteries to reward yourself every time you hit the gym.

Visualizing Your Goal: For long-term goals, visualize how great it will be if you keep working hard to motivate yourself.

Chapter 6: Self-forgiveness VS self-crticism

Quiz: What will you do or say to yourself if you fail to exercise for one day when you plan to exercise every day?

Guilt can lead to indulgence and giving up. Because it can form a vicious cycle: indulgence, guilt, more indulgence. For example, many dieters would feel so bad about any lapse such as a piece of pizza or just a bite of cake. They felt as if their whole diet was destroyed. Instead of minimizing the harm by not taking another bite, they would say, "What the hell, I already messed up my diet, I might as well eat the whole thing."

Studies show that self-criticism is consistently associated with less motivation and worse self-control. It is also one of the single biggest predictors of depression. Self-compassion, being supportive and forgiving yourself, especially in the face of stress and failure, is associated with more motivation and better self-control. In short, self-forgiveness helps people get back on track.

Researchers have found that taking a self-compassionate point of view on a personal failure makes people more likely to take personal responsibility for the failure than when they take a self-critical point of view. They also are more willing to receive feedback and advice from others and more likely to learn from the experience.

The reason forgiveness helps people recover from mistakes is that it takes away the shame and the pain of thinking about what happened. So you don't have to use the "what the hell" effect to try to escape the bad feelings.