段子集锦：进击的渣叔！

小伙伴们大家好，欢迎来到每周的“国外也有段子手”！上周的欧洲赛场精彩看点层出不穷，阿森纳终于迎来新赛季英超首胜，曼城爆冷被狼队逼平，巴萨与巴拉多利德的比赛被草皮抢尽了风头，利物浦、切尔西、皇马等球队则纷纷顺利取胜。好了，话不多说，快和摩羯君一起看看歪果仁们的精彩吐槽吧！

萨拉赫进球，利物浦1-0布莱顿

Lachiendupape(布莱顿球迷)：利物浦真是太牛逼了，把我们打得跟曼联似的…(Liverpool is so amazing, making us look like Utd here.)

JamesJoyceFan(曼联球迷)：这话我就不爱听了，你们哪有这么差？(Have to disagree there. You don't look that bad so far.)

Mundladzinski(未知主队球迷)：红军你变了，穷人家的一针一线你也不放过了！(These are the kind of small teams Liverpool used to drop points in, they have changed so much.)

redwan010(曼联球迷)：我都已经买利物浦赢5个球了，结果你竟然踢出个曼联的比分来？(Odds on Liverpool winning by 5 and this turning into an United thread?)

Crookedparadigm(利物浦球迷)：阿利松你就不要在后院玩火了，米尼奥莱和卡里乌斯都给我留下创伤后遗症了…(Alisson no more playing with fire there plz I still have PTSD from Migs and Karius.)

f0skN(弗莱堡球迷)：这才是我所想念的利物浦，速效救心丸根本就不能停~(That’s the Liverpool I was missing so far this season, the one where you can’t stop clenching.)

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埃梅里英超首胜，阿森纳3-1西汉姆联

Dtrius(阿森纳球迷)：如果你是阿森纳球迷，与其指望我厂能踢出花来，不如祈祷对手有个更稀碎的防线…(When you're an Arsenal fan, you're not hoping that your team plays well. You're praying that the opposing team has a poor defense.)

Davidleilam(曼联球迷)：要是这场比赛1-1打平了，哪支球队会觉得更亏？(If the match ends 1-1, who would feel more deflated from the results? )

RoamingMediocentro(阿森纳球迷)：无论比分踢成啥样，都是看了这场球的观众最亏…(Probably the people watching this game, no matter what the result is.)

maman12345(切尔西球迷)：看来阿森纳这赛季是不会降级了…(Arsenal may not be relegated this season.)

拉波尔特进球，曼城1-1狼队

Ploufy(切尔西球迷)：看来拉波尔特终于找到自己的钥匙啦！(Looks like Laporte has found his key.)

(注：拉波尔特(La porte)在法语中的意思是“门”。)

JavaSoCool(热刺球迷)：要是狼队夺得了英超冠军，葡萄牙岂不得放个全国假期来庆祝一下…(Wolves to win the league, Portugal to declare national holiday in their honour.)

(注：狼队阵中有穆蒂尼奥、帕特里西奥等葡萄牙国脚)

阿扎尔进球，切尔西2-1纽卡斯尔联

filthyfrantic0098(切尔西球迷)：以前我车踢球时摆大巴，现在人家纽卡都开始摆坦克了…(We used to park a bus but you see how Newcastle parked a tank?)

COYCOYS(热刺球迷)：切尔西真该给大卫-路易斯立一座雕像！你看他在防守的时候不就像个雕像一样站着么…(Chelsea should make a statue for Luiz as he just stood there like a statue on defense.)

Lyonaire(利物浦球迷)：这周末的英超比赛，算是给VAR打了个绝好的广告了…(This PL weekend has been one perfect advertisement for VAR.)

ulvhedinowsk(切尔西球迷)：当面对切尔西的时候，肘击球员面部是不算犯规的！(only against Chelsea are you allowed to elbow players in the face!)

Pegasusgamer(曼联球迷)：世界杯结束后，奥恩-戈尔又来到英超大显身手了！(Own Goal carries his form from world cup over to premier league.)

JeebaRock(葡萄牙球迷)：吕迪格那脚踢中门框后，据说球门现在还在晃悠呢.！(Some say that the crossbar is still shaking from Rudiger's shot.)

草皮质量引争议，巴萨1-0巴拉多利德

Thugging_inPublic(巴萨球迷)：所以说买来蔬菜记得要洗干净，你看他们竟然在菜园子里踢球！(Remember to always wash your vegetables guys, never thought they would play football on farmland.)

Xenmate(巴萨球迷)：这场比赛有一个好，就是直接嵌入了一个3D的热点活动图…(The good thing about this pitch is the 3D heatmaps are embedded in the game.)

JohnCarversGhost(纽卡斯尔球迷)：西甲主席：“看到了吧，咱的球场水平就这样，还是去美国用他们的好球场吧！”(Liga president: See, you know how it is. Lets move more games to the US and play on their fantastic pitches.)

The_Relaxed_Flow(巴萨球迷)：要是主席真坚持要去美国踢西甲，那明年我萨客场踢巴拉多利德的比赛就去美国踢吧…(If Tebas is so persistent on American LaLiga games then do Valladolid - Barca next year over there.)

Maskiwear(巴萨球迷)：比赛才15分钟，这球场看起来就像敦刻尔克的战场一样了…(15 minutes into the game and the pitch is looking like a scene from Dunkirk.)

Insicur(未知主队球迷)：我的天，梅西竟然没有因踩到地雷而爆炸！(Surprised Messi wasn’t blown up due to a land mine.)

贝尔传射奔马进球，皇马4-1赫罗纳

Ridbonelessfork(皇马球迷)：贝尔和超车后卫，你还能想到比这更合适的搭配吗！(Bale and outrunning the defender, name a better duo.)

RZAAMRIIN(皇马球迷)：贝尔和受伤…(Bale and getting injured.)

Gigante_Buono(威尔士球迷)：住口！(you shut your mouth!)

Magdy97(皇马球迷)：现在可以说贝尔就是皇马的C罗了！(Bale is Real Madrid’s Ronaldo now.)

hunchovis(未知主队球迷)：这场解说员提起C罗的次数，比说所有其他皇马球员的次数都要多…(Ronaldo has been mentioned by commentators in this game more than any other Madrid player on the pitch.)

Ccosimomii(摩洛哥球迷)：拉莫斯好像已经追平梅西连续15个赛季西甲进球的纪录了…(Ramos equaled Messi's record for scoring a goal in 15 season in a row.)

ace-s(皇马球迷)：纳瓦斯一直保持这状态，库尔图瓦不得在替补席上发霉了…(Courtois is gonna rot on the bench with the way Keylord has bene playing recently.)

好了，亲爱的小伙伴们，本期的“国外也有段子手”就为大家播报到这了，和摩羯君一起期待下期歪果仁们更加精彩的犀利吐槽吧！