3、关系越亲密，你就越应该努力去理解他们。 Chapter-1

3.Seeker: Much of the anxiety I experience comes through my relationships. Isn't it reasonable to expect some understanding from other people?

慕道者：我经历的很多焦虑都来自于我的人际关系。期待别人的理解是不合理的吗？

Sadhguru: When you live in this world, there are various types of complex interactions happening. As your field of play increases, the complexity of interaction also goes on increasing. If you're just sitting in a cubicle, working on your computer with only one other person, you need only a little understanding; but if you're managing a thousand people, you need a vast understanding of everybody. Now suppose you're managing a thousand people and you want all these people to understand you, then you're not going to manage anything. You need to understand the limitations and the capabilities of these thousand people and do what you can; only then will you have the power to move the situation the way you want it to go. If you're waiting for these thousand people to understand you and act, it is only a pipe dream; it's never going to happen.

萨古鲁：活在这个世界，会有各种各样的复杂互动发生。随着互动领域的扩宽，互动的复杂性也不断增加。如果你只是坐在一个小隔间里，和另外一个人一起在电脑上工作，你只需要一点理解；但是如果你管理着一千个人，你需要对每个人都有一个广泛的理解。现在假设你管理着一千个人，希望所有这些人都能理解你，那么你不会管好任何事情的。你需要了解这一千人的局限性和能力，并尽你所能；只有这样，你才有能力按照你希望的方式改变形势。如果你等待这一千人理解你并付诸行动，这只是一个白日梦，永远不会发生。

4.Seeker: Suppose somebody is in a close relationship with me and is very important to me. Shouldn't I expect better understanding from them?

慕道者：假设有人和我关系密切，对我很重要。我不应该期望他们能更好地理解我吗？

Sadhguru: That's the point; the closer the relationship is, the more effort you should make to understand them, but that's not what's happening in your case, Ram. It so happened, once there was a man who had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, with his wife staying at his bedside night and day. When he came to, in those few moments of consciousness, he motioned for her to come closer. As she sat beside him, he said, "I've been thinking ... you have been with me through all the bad times in my life. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business went down the tubes, you were there working overtime and doing night shifts. When I got shot you were by my side. When we lost the house in that legal clash, you were right there beside me. Now my health is failing, and you're still by my side. Now when I consider all this, I think you only bring me bad luck". This is exactly what you're doing to yourself and to your relationships. Somebody becomes closer and dearer to you only as you understand them better. If they understand you, they enjoy the closeness of the relationship. If you understand them better, then you enjoy the closeness.

萨古鲁：这就是重点；关系越亲密，你就越应该努力去理解他们，但你不是这样做的，拉姆(Ram)。发生过这样的事情了：有一次，一个男人在昏迷中度过了几个月，他的妻子日夜呆在床边。当他苏醒过来的那几分钟，他示意她走近些。她坐在他旁边，他说：“我一直在想……你和我一起度过了我一生中所有的不幸时光。当我被解雇的时候，你在那里支持我。当我的生意陷入困境时，你在那里加班和上夜班。

当我被枪击时，你在我身边。当我们在法律冲突中失去房子时，你就在我旁边。现在我的身体不好了，你还在我身边。现在当我考虑这些的时候，我认为你只会给我带来坏运气。”这正是你对待自己和处理人际关系的做法。只有当你更好地理解别人时，他们才会变得越来越亲近你。如果他们理解你，他们享用亲密的关系。如果你能更好地理解他们，那么你就享用那份亲近。

5.  Seeker: This is easier said than done. It is difficult to always be there.

慕道者：说起来容易做起来难。很难持续保有那种状态…

Sadhguru: See, It's not that the other person is totally bereft of understanding. With your understanding, you can create situations where the other person would be able to understand you better. If you're expecting the other to understand and comply with you all the time while you don't understand the limitations, the possibilities, the needs and the capabilities of that person, then conflict is all that will happen; it is bound to happen. Unfortunately, the closest relationships in the world have more conflict going on than there is between India and Pakistan. India and Pakistan have fought only four battles. In your relationships, you have fought many more battles than this and are still fighting, isn't it so? This is because your line of understanding and theirs is different. If you cross this I. O. C; this line of control, they will get mad. If they cross it, you will get mad. If you move your understanding beyond theirs, their understanding also becomes a part of your understanding. You will be able to embrace their limitations and capabilities. In everyone, there are some positive things and some negative things. If you embrace all this in your understanding, you can make the relationship the way you want it. If you leave it to their understanding, it will become accidental. If they are very magnanimous, things will happen well for you; if not, the relationship will break up.

萨古鲁：瞧，另一个人并非完全没有理解能力。如果你理解对方，你就会有办法让对方更好地理解你。如果你希望：对方一直理解你，并总能与你保持一致，而你又不明白对方的局限、可能、需求和能力，那么你们之间除了冲突，什么也不会发生，这是必然的。不幸的是，世界上最亲密的关系中产生的冲突，比印度和巴基斯坦之间的冲突还要多。印度和巴基斯坦只打了四场仗。在你的人际关系中，你已经打过比这更多的仗，而且还在战斗，不是吗？因为大家的了悟范围有边界线，而你和他们的边界不同。如果你越过他们的这条控制线(L.O.C.)，他们会生气的。同样，如果他们越过你的，你也会生气的。一旦你的了悟界限超越了他们，他们的了悟也就变成为你的一部分。这时，你将能够接受他们的局限和能力。每个人都有积极面和消极面，如果你明白并接受所有这些，你就可以建立自己想要的关系。相反，当你将希望寄托于对方的了悟，那你们的关系将变幻莫测。如果对方心宽似海，事情会向好的方向发展；如果不是，关系会破裂。