02
第2章 你陪我走过20岁的花季
单身挺好。有自由，还有对青春美好
岁月的回忆
亲爱的Tom：
现在还在和我斗气吗？抑或是我“罪
有应得”？
今天的北京下了入春以来的第一场雨
，家人都在无声的雨中入眠了。
又是留下我独自一人在灯下。
连日来萦绕心头的总是你长话中那冷
酷的声调“得了，得了，有完没完！”好
不耐烦。这声音太熟悉，不过17个月前，
还常常听到。真的，或许你自己都忘了！
亲爱的Tom：
现在还在和我斗气吗？抑或是我“罪有应得”？
今天的北京下了入春以来的第一场雨，家人都在无声的雨中入眠了，又是留下
我独自一人在灯下。
连日来萦绕心头的总是你长话中那冷酷的声调“得了，得了，有完没完！”好
不耐烦。这声音太熟悉，不过17个月前，还常常听到。真的，或许你自己都忘了！
你知道的，我从来不是个罗里罗嗦的“老太太”，只不过是几句追问你离京为
何不给音讯的短语，却不曾说完，你我之间有那么深的阶级仇、民族恨吗？如果我
只是去接出差领导的“小秘”，如果我只是看管行李的“小催”，自然无权追问，
我是你的朋友，曾经是你的女友，我们是平等的，不该这样招之即来、挥之即去。
外派后，你难得有机会回京。接你的那天，或许是很久没有见面，没有联系的
缘故，两人的话都很少。你问我，过得好吗？我一时无从说起，只是说到去的公司
感觉不好。你冲口而出，“路不是你自己选的？”口气硬，话也很硬。我真无法下
咽，什么话都没了。就这样，我沉默到那天的分手，你则沉默到回了南方。
的确，无论是事业还是爱情的路，都是我自己选择的，我对自己负责，不该希
求别人廉价的同情与怜悯，是我错了，缘分至此，多说多想均无益，对吗？
分手17个月，开始总不肯让自己有闲暇的时候，很怕回忆……。
想那，春日的傍晚，你我相遇在院子播台，从陌生到熟悉，不过是那短暂的一
瞬，或许这就是人常说的“一见钟情”吧。
想那，夏日的午后，身染重疾的你住进了医院，而我离家上学的第一个暑假竟
没有回去，为陪你。窗外，三十八、九度的太阳好像是另个世界的。真是境由心造！
想那，秋日的斜阳，伴着淡淡的音乐，我笨拙地织着你的围巾，你彻一杯清茶
放我旁边，潜心准备论文。冬天都过去一半了，围巾才系在你的脖子上，你还一个
劲儿说好。
想那，冬日的阴霾，你研究生毕业先回了北京。面对这长久的分别，望着我泣
不成声的惨样，你说干脆将自己化作一块顽石，拦在火车的前面。听了你的“傻”
话，挂着泪痕的我“扑哧”就乐了。真是让我欢喜让我忧。
每每回忆起这些，总有一份孤独如小蛇一般游入心底。身边的男孩走过无数，
却总不能将你抹去。难道真的是“曾经沧海难为水，除却巫山不是云”？
三年半的鸿雁往来，终盼来了相聚，却只是争吵。相爱是容易的，相处是困难
的。我不再是你心目中那个头戴宽边大草帽、身穿学生裙翩翩而来的纯情女孩。你
说我爱慕虚荣、不安于现状，你会当着我很多朋友的面，冷面对我、冷面对他们，
继而傲然而去，留下难堪的我。你也不再是我心目中那个有着深邃的目光，总是沉
思默想的孺俊学子。我嫌你气量小，外交风范不够，我可以在电话中就与你发生争
执，一气之下挂断电话，不管三七二十一。这样的相处已毫无意义，长痛不如短痛
，相聚后的第一个冬季，竟成了我们共有的最后一个冬季，也是我们感情的年底，
虽然彼此都有“戒烟如你”的感觉，对吗？
现在想来，这些都不能成为分手的理由。哪个恋爱的人不是绝对的唯一，谈何
气量小？追求一个合适的工作环境，也是人之常情。你我到分手时，认识都4年了。
我朋友多，你不善外交，彼此都清楚得很，还需要翻旧帐吗？说来，只能是我们谈
得时间太长了，双方都太知道彼此了，感情都给拖乏了，合久必分。行至水穷处，
坐看云起时。
或许，老天只给我们两年的恋爱时间，我毕业后我们结婚也就好了。时间与感
情的浓淡不成正比。当然，结婚也还会有矛盾，但离婚毕竟与朋友间的分手相差甚
远，就心理及生理承受能力而言。咱们这儿流行凑合婚姻，无论是以什么样的借口
作为凑合的挡箭牌。
这些不过都是玩笑了，就像歌中唱的：
“曾经以为我会是你浪漫的爱情故事，唯一不变的永远。
是我自己愿意承受这样的输赢结果，依然无怨无悔。”
我现在总在想，人这一辈子只要有一次刻骨铭心的爱恋，当然是纯情的爱恋，
结果是无所谓的。小时候，很替白雪公主幸福，她能与王子倾心相恋，并陪伴终身
；很替美人鱼惋惜，为了心爱的人，宁化作泡沫，默默地为他祝福。回忆起来，这
两个幻化的人物都是幸运的。一次真爱的历程，何必在意它的结果。当然，这一段
爱恋有它时间的局限性。20岁左右的少男少女最纯情，他们敢爱敢恨，不顾一切，
冒险性大。但是，他们彼此看中的仅仅是对方本身，而无其他。过了二十四五岁，
或者是工作之后，面对的不再是纯感情问题，也不再是单纯的人，而是一个人的氛
围，包括家庭、经济、事业等等。加上这么多的外因，感情从何谈起先发之于心？
20岁的花季！
是你陪着我走过这20岁的花季，却是我将它中断了。不提这个。
你问过我，结婚没？我摇了摇头。眼看着步入了大龄青年的行列，心里竟一点
儿不着急。你知道的，我的朋友很多，一起玩的，一起聊天的，不乏好小伙子。在
我最苦闷的时候，有的陪我看电影解忧，有的陪我玩牌，还有的任由我发脾气……
。他们的心意，我知道。他们不挑明，我当然要装糊涂。我很感激他们，但不愿把
关系走得太近。再好的关系，时间久了，包容的也变成了不包容的，物极必反。与
其走到这一步，不如保持现状，大家都明白，只好把问题留给了时间。
双方关系的难处是一方面，另一方面是对婚姻本身的抗拒感。人到这个年龄，
外界人比当事人还要关心这个问题，这样的关心就促成了不少家庭，其中有多少凑
合的。退一步讲，如果不凑合，结婚就意味着对家庭的责任。柴米油盐酱醋茶，样
样都得关心，哪个不得花功夫、费心思。而我觉得自己现在还缺乏承担这种责任的
能力。上班忙得要死，还时不常地加班，哪有精力？单身的日子，加班不用请假；
单身的日子，一个人吃饱全家不饿；单身=自由身。至少现在还没体会到结婚的必
要性。
单身的日子，挺好！
你呢？我想一定挺好，对吗？
其实，这信我从不发出， Only to myself，权当理清思路用。Tom当然是假名
了。
亦凡书库扫校
前回黄金书屋后
正在使用发音
Chapter 2 you accompany me through the flower season of 20 years old
It's good to be single. There is freedom and the beauty of youth
Memories of years
Dear Tom
Are you still fighting with me now? Or is it my sin
"Deserve it"?
It rained for the first time since the beginning of spring in Beijing today
, the family fell asleep in the silent rain.
Leaving me alone in the light again.
In recent days, it is always the cold in your long words that haunts your mind
Cool tone "come on, come on, it's over!" good
Impatient. The sound is too familiar, but 17 months ago,
I often hear it. Really, maybe you forgot!
Dear Tom
Are you still fighting with me now? Or do I "deserve it"?
Today, it rained for the first time since the beginning of spring in Beijing. The family fell asleep in the silent rain and stayed
I was alone under the light.
For days, it's always the cold tone in your long words, "come on, come on, it's over!" good
impatient. The sound is too familiar, but it was often heard 17 months ago. Really, maybe you forgot!
You know, I've never been a wordy "old lady", just a few questions about why you left Beijing
Why don't you tell me the phrase, but you haven't finished it? Do you and I have such deep class hatred and national hatred? If I
I'm just going to pick up the "little secretary" of the business leader. If I'm just a "little reminder" to take care of my luggage, I naturally have no right to ask,
I am your friend and used to be your girlfriend. We are equal. We shouldn't come and go at once.
After your assignment, you rarely have a chance to return to Beijing. The day I picked you up, maybe I haven't met or contacted you for a long time
For this reason, they talked very little. You ask me, how are you? I can't talk about it for the moment, just about the company I went to
It doesn't feel good. You blurted out, "you didn't choose the road yourself?" The tone is hard and the words are hard. I really can't
Swallow, nothing. In this way, I was silent until that day's breakup, and you were silent until you went back to the south.
Indeed, both career and love are my own choices. I am responsible for myself and should not hope
It's my fault to ask for cheap sympathy and compassion from others. So far, it's no good to say and think more, right?
After breaking up for 17 months, I was always reluctant to let myself have leisure at the beginning. I was afraid of memories.
Think about that, in the spring evening, you and I met on the yard broadcasting station, from strange to familiar, but it was a short time
Maybe this is what people often call "love at first sight".
Think about that, in the summer afternoon, you were admitted to the hospital with a serious illness, and my first summer vacation away from home to school was unexpectedly
I didn't go back to accompany you. Outside the window, the sun of 38 or 9 degrees seems to be from another world. The environment is really created by the heart!
Think of that, the setting sun in autumn, accompanied by light music, I awkwardly weave your scarf, and you can have a cup of tea
Put it next to me and concentrate on preparing the paper. Half of the winter is over, and the scarf is tied around your neck. You still have one
Say yes.
Think about that, in the haze of winter, you returned to Beijing after your graduate school. In the face of this long separation, look at me and cry
You said you would turn yourself into a hard rock and stop in front of the train. Listen to your "stupid"
If so, I will be happy when I "puff" with tears. It really makes me happy and worried.
Every time I recall these, there is always a loneliness swimming into my heart like a little snake. The boys around me walked countless times,
But I can't erase you. Is it really "it's hard to make water after going through the vicissitudes of the sea, but Wushan is not a cloud"?
After three and a half years of flying geese, I finally hope to get together, but it's just a quarrel. It's easy to love each other, but difficult to get along with each other
of I am no longer the pure girl in your mind who comes here with a wide brimmed straw hat and a student skirt. you
Say I love vanity and am not satisfied with the status quo. You will treat me and them coldly in front of many of my friends,
Then he walked away proudly, leaving me embarrassed. You are no longer the one in my mind, with deep eyes, always heavy
A thoughtful rujun student. I don't think you are generous and diplomatic. I can argue with you on the phone
Hold on, hang up in a rage, no matter three, seven, twenty-one. Such a relationship is meaningless. Long pain is better than short pain
, the first winter after we got together became the last winter we shared and the end of our relationship,
Although both of them have the feeling of "quitting smoking like you", right?
Now think about it, these can not be the reason to break up. Who is in love is not absolutely the only one, what to talk about
Small volume? It is also human nature to pursue a suitable working environment. You and I had known each other for four years when we broke up.
I have many friends. You are not good at diplomacy. You know each other very well. Do you still need to turn over the old accounts? In other words, we can only talk
It's been too long. Both sides know each other too well. Their feelings are exhausted. They will be separated after a long time. I will walk till the water checks my path,
Sit and watch the clouds rise.
Maybe God only gives us two years of love time, and we'll get married after I graduate. Time and sense
The intensity of love is not proportional. Of course, there will be contradictions in marriage, but divorce is far from breaking up with friends after all
Far, in terms of psychological and physical endurance. It's popular for us to make do with marriage, no matter what excuse
As a shield to make do.
These are just jokes, just like the song:
"Once thought I would be your romantic love story, the only constant forever.
I am willing to bear such a winning or losing result, and I still have no regrets. "
I'm always thinking that once in one's life, one should have an unforgettable love, of course, pure love,
The result doesn't matter. When I was a child, I was very happy for snow white. She could fall in love with the prince and accompany her all her life
； I am sorry for the mermaid. For the sake of my beloved, Ninghua makes a bubble and silently wishes for him. Remember, this
Both illusory characters are lucky. The course of true love, why care about its results. Of course, this paragraph
Love has its time limitations. Boys and girls around the age of 20 are the most innocent. They dare to love and hate and are desperate,
High risk. However, they only care about each other, and nothing else. After twenty-four or five,
Or after work, what you face is no longer a pure emotional problem, nor a simple person, but a person's atmosphere
Wai, including family, economy, career, etc. With so many external factors, how can feelings start from the heart?
20-year-old flower season!
It was you who accompanied me through the 20-year-old flower season, but I interrupted it. Don't mention this.
You asked me, are you married? I shook my head. Seeing that he has stepped into the ranks of older young people, I feel a little sad
Don't worry. You know, I have a lot of friends. I play and chat with many good guys. stay
When I am most depressed, some accompany me to watch movies to relieve my worries, some accompany me to play cards, and others let me lose my temper
。 I know what they want. If they don't make it clear, of course I have to pretend to be confused. I'm grateful to them, but I don't want to
The relationship is too close. No matter how good the relationship is, after a long time, inclusive has become intolerant, and things will turn against each other when they reach the extreme. And
At this stage, it is better to maintain the status quo. We all understand that we have to leave the problem to time.
The difficulty of the relationship between the two sides is, on the one hand, the resistance to the marriage itself on the other hand. At this age,
Outsiders are more concerned about this issue than the parties. Such concern has led to many families. How many of them
Yes. To say the least, if you don't make do, marriage means responsibility to the family. Firewood, rice, oil, salt, soy sauce, vinegar, tea, sample
We have to care about all kinds of things. No one can spend time and effort. And I feel that I still lack the ability to bear this responsibility
Ability. I'm so busy at work that I don't often work overtime. How can I have energy? When you are single, you don't have to ask for leave for overtime;
Single days, a person is full, the whole family is not hungry; Single = free. At least I haven't realized the necessity of marriage yet
Sex.
Single days, very good!
And you? I think it must be good, right?
In fact, I never send this letter, only to myself. I have the right to clarify my thoughts. Tom is a pseudonym, of course
Yes.
Yifan library cleaning
Back to the golden Bookstore
重点词汇释义
走过pass by
花季state of flowering; springtime of youth
单身unmarried; single; not to be with one's family; live alone
挺好not half bad
青春youth; youthfulness
岁月years
回忆call to mind; look back upon; recollect; recall
斗气quarrel just to vent one's spleen; quarrel or contend with sb. on account of a personal grudge
抑或or; or else
应得deserved; due
————
