Why 30 is not the new 20
TED这一期由诊疗心理学家Meg Jay演讲的《Why 30 is not the new 20》，今天忽然就看了4遍。英文的部分是演讲内容的逐字稿，写在这里是因为，我想对文字的阅读或者更深入。
这段时间我接触到一些新的优秀的同龄朋友，相较自身的境况，看起来总是惨不忍睹的。早上起来重读《我与地坛》，史铁生写：“剩下的就是怎样活的问题了，这却不是在某一个瞬间就能完全想透的、不是一次性能够解决的事，怕是活多久就要想它多久了，就像是伴你终生的魔鬼或恋人。所以，十五年了，我还是总得到那古园里去、去它的老树下或荒草边或颓墙旁，去默坐，去呆想、去推开耳边的嘈杂理一理纷乱的思绪，去窥看自己的心魂。”这个问题我同样没有答案，并为之苦恼沮丧。
于是下午独自去了他笔下的园子，“在人口密聚的城市里，有这样一个宁静的去处，像是上帝的苦心安排。”
每个人都有自己的角色与定位，我此时也在寻找它。演讲者给了非常实用的建议，或者可以帮助我们从并不满意的现状中梳理出一个跳脱的缺口。希望你喜欢。
So over the next weeks and months,I told Emma three things that every twenty something,male or female,deserves to hear.
First,I told Emma to forget about having an identity crisis and get some identity capital.By get identity capital,I mean do something that adds value to who you are.Do something that's an investment in who you might want to be next. I didn't know the future of Emma's career,and no one knows the future of work,but I do know this：identity capital begets identity capital.So now is the time for that cross-country job,that internship,that startup you want to try.I'm not discounting twentysomething exploration here,but I am discounting exploration that's not supposed to count,which,by the way,is not exploration.That's procrastination.I told Emma to explore work and make it count.
Second,I told Emma that the urban tribe is overrated.Best friends are great for giving rides to the airport,but twentysomethings who huddle together with like-mind peers limit who they know,what they know,how they think,how they speak and where they work.That new piece of capital,that new person to date,almost always comes from outside the inner circle.New things come from what are called our weak ties,our friends of friends of friends. So yes, half of twentysomethings are un- or under-employed. But half aren't, and weak ties are how you get yourself into that group. Half of new jobs are never posted, so reaching out to your neighbor's boss is how you get that unposted job. It's not cheating. It's the science of how information spreads.
Last but not least, Emma believed that you can't pick your family, but you can pick your friends. Now this was true for her growing up, but as a twentysomething, soon Emma would pick her family when she partnered with someone and created a family of her own. I told Emma the time to start picking your family is now. Now you may be thinking that 30 is actually a better time to settle down than 20, or even 25, and I agree with you. But grabbing whoever you're living with or sleeping with when everyone on Facebook starts walking down the aisle is not progress. The best time to work on your marriage is before you have one, and that means being as intentional with love as you are with work. Picking your family is about consciously choosing who and what you want rather than just making it work or killing time with whoever happens to be choosing you.
