Words and phrases

claw it way out

claw作为动词有四个意思：

1）move as if by clawing, seizing, or digging. Eg: They clawed their way to the top of the the mountain.

2)clutch as if in panic Eg: She clawed the doorknop.

3)scratch, scrape, pull, or dig with claws or nails.

4) attack as if with claws

claw在这篇文中指将过往挖出来，这份回忆并不轻松，加之前面作者用过bury一词（It's wrong what they say about the past, I've learned, about how you can bury it）,所以这里取第二解释clutch as if in panic的引申义比较合适，带有一些痛苦。这是用remember，recall，retrieve等一些可能我自己写会用的词表达不出来的。

deny

1) to declare untrue; assert to be false. Eg: A senior officer denied that any sensitive dociments had been stored there.

2) to refuse to believe, reject. Eg: deny the existence of evil spirit

3) to refuse to recognize or acknowledge, disavow. Eg: The officer denied any wrongdoing.

4) to refuse to fulfill the request or expectations to. Eg: It is hard to deny a child.

5）to withhold something from, refuse to give.

deny这个词并不陌生，但熟悉的词很多时候我们只熟悉它的一个意思。拒绝我第一反应总是refuse，deny一般我只会用否认这个意思。所以见到deny做refuse to fulfill the request or expectation这个意思是还是眼前一亮的。

ache

ache作动词有三个意思：

1）to suffer a dull, sustained pain

2) to feel sympathy, or compassion. Eg: ached for his heartbroken friend

3) to yearn r long. Eg: refugees who ached for their homeland.

ache词很小，做名词疼痛意用的多，做动词渴望自己不太常用，以前只用desire, long for, yearn for, crave for, 或加副词badly or desperately.

well

well只会做名词用，做动词很少用

"It was an odd thing to see the stone-faced Ali happy, or sad, because only his slanted brown eyes glinted with a smile or welled with sorrow."

well作动词两个意思：

1）to rise to the surface, ready to flow. Eg: Tears welled in my eyes.

2) to rise or surge from an inner source. Eg: Anger welled up in me.

ape

提到ape，我脑中只有一个词意，就是猿人，没想过还可以做动词用。

ape: to imitate or mimic, especially in a thoughtless or inept way。

文中还有类似elbow这样名词作动词，用起来简单又直观。整篇文章画面感特别强也和这些小词不无关系。

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Summary

I have heard of “The Kite Runner” long time ago, but I never read it. As I heard it was a story happened in Afghanistan, a country impressed me with wars day after day, and a place stuffed with suffering and misery. I got no interest in such a place. Yet when I opened this book, I could not stop.

I learned from the others it was a story about friendship, betray and guilt before I read it. The first three chapters I have read did not involve so much, but just an introduction of Amir’s childhood. The place where he grown up, people whom he grown with. He told us about his family, his mansion, as well as Hassan’s family and his little mud hut. Both of them lost their mothers, but the difference was Amir’s mother was hemorrhaged to death during childbirth while Hassan’s mother was eloped with a clan of traveling singers and dancers, which rendered Hassan’s life full of mock and satire, as eloping was considered for most Afghans far worse than death.

But, Ali, Hassan’s father loved his son. Ali’s life was tough, but apparently, he was tougher. He knew how to immune to those hurt and insult. He simply worked hard to raise his son and protected him as a father. Amir’s father was quite different. He was affluent and seemed capable of anything. But he didn’t know how to show his love to his boy, and when Amir grown up to be a boy that didn’t like him, he felt disappointed, and sadly, Amir can feel that. So he thought his father might doesn’t like him.

Different father brought different influences to their sons, and there their story began.

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随感

满篇文字，我只看到一个孤独，渴望被爱的男孩，Amir。

Amir，一个富商的独生子，自小失恃，父亲是唯一的亲人。在他心中父亲是神一样的存在，天之骄子（a force of nature），总是能做到常人不敢想的事情，他崇拜他景仰他却又怕他，渴望他的关注和爱，相处时却又小心翼翼，畏手畏脚。就是这样一个内向，又有些软弱的小男孩给我们讲了他和父亲相处的三个片段。

第一次是八岁时爸爸要带他去Ghargha Lake，并让带上Hassan。Amir撒谎说Hassan有事情要做去不了。为什么？Hassan是他最好甚至唯一的朋友，Amir却拒绝了他。因为他太渴望和爸爸独自相处了！日日生活在一起，而他之于父亲却像家里的一个物件，存在却并未被重视。只有独处，才能让爸爸看见他，才能让他充分的享受和拥有自己的爸爸。另一个原因是之前他和Hassan曾和爸爸一起去河边玩石头击水花游戏，Hassan击起了八个水花，而他努力到最后最多也只有五个。爸爸“patted Hassen on the back, even put his arm around his shoulder”。这份亲昵让Amir嫉妒，他记得这样清楚因为这亲昵对他亦是奢侈。他的父亲只看到了Hassan击起的那八个水花，却看不到他也击起了五个，他也需要鼓励和赞扬。他看不到自己每天晚上等待着他回家一起吃晚餐，看不到他在学校做游戏得第一名的骄傲和兴奋，也看不到他对于自己妈妈的想念，对那份缺失的爱的渴望。而当他将自己埋于书中填补寂寞，寻求答案时却又被父亲鄙夷只会看书，软弱可欺。此刻，他站在父亲旁边，他却看不到他，只看到那个仆人的孩子。一个八岁的孩子此时心里是多么失望，落寞不可知，但这份失落已然开启了他和Hassan之间友谊的裂缝，嫉妒已经悄然而生。而在第三章最后，父亲和朋友谈论他时说每次都是Hassan挺身而出帮他，他却不敢承认。再见Hassan，他的表现是“snapped at  him, told him to mind his own business”。

第二次相处是在书房谈论原罪。面对父亲，Amir “couldn’t decide whether I wanted to hug him or leap from his lap in mortal fear”. 同时又认为和爸爸在一起是fleeting time, “It wasn’t often Baba talked to me, let alone on his lap—and I’d been a fool to wast it”。渴望又害怕，想要却又不敢。读到这里，着实心疼。一个不到十岁的孩子，在自己爸爸身边，本该无忧无虑，任性撒娇，而我看到的Amir却是满眼的小心翼翼，是每一句话都要反复掂量唯恐说错的拘束。这不该是一个孩子和父亲的相处模式，这是成人世界里爱一个人却又不自信对方对你的爱时才会有的踟蹰和犹豫。小心翼翼这四个字对于一个孩子太过残忍，也太让人心疼。

第三个相处是父亲带他去看比赛，当他看到一名选手摔下马背满身鲜血时吓哭了。他的父亲，没有拥抱，没有安慰，没有任何舒缓他恐惧的行为，只是做一些”valiant efforts to conceal the disgusted look on his face“。Amir被吓哭了，却一路还是观察着父亲的表情，还在注意着父亲握着方向盘不时握紧松开松开握紧的手。这份害怕，或许更胜于那个血腥的场面吧。他害怕父亲讨厌自己，害怕父亲不原谅自己的胆小，害怕父亲从此更不在意他。这份害怕，让人忍不住想抱一抱这个弱小的孩子，告诉他他没有做错什么。在偷听父亲和Khan讨论自己时，作者的一段描写特别吸引我注意：”I closed my eyes, pressed my ear even harder against the door, wanting to hear, not wanting to hear.” 几句话将一个小孩渴望了解父亲眼中的自己，又害怕这个自己不完美的心理都写了出来。

看完三章，满眼心疼。父亲不是不爱他，他也对Khan说很高兴Amir有他这个朋友，很高心他理解Amir，高兴的甚至有些嫉妒。但他却不懂如何去了解自己的儿子，如何去表达对儿子的爱。作为商人，他驰骋商场，一马平川，但作为父亲，他显然并不合格。Hassan至少还有一个能让他感受到爱的爸爸，而Amir却如同孤露，孤独成长着。无论Amir和Hassan之后经历了什么，Amir对Hassan做了什么，这位父亲都难辞其咎。