Pen To Paper

Wow, it’s been a long time. To be honest, I missed writing. Just didn’t know where to start.

There were so many things happened and some of them are still happening. Every morning I wake up and try to convince myself that everything’s gonna be alright. But things just don’t go the way you expected and the worst thing is you can do nothing about it.

I failed my dream job lately which I deserved that. I didn’t work hard anyway. Then I’ve messed up again... All those negative and depressive thoughts wrapped me up. The black dog came back. I’ve started feeling hopeless, helpless and lost again...

Hey, if anyone is reading this, here’s a question for you: Imagine someone keeps telling you that he loves you for years, are you gonna get confused why does he love you or do you ever wonder why he loves you?

I do. Let me tell you my answer first. There’s just this boy keeps saying that to me for at least three years till now and a few days ago I just asked him why? What a dumb question right? I know. But don’t you wanna know why? Or you just knew why all the way.

You know what, the answer I’ve got from him was even confusing. He said: “Can you just stop loving your dogs?”

If my question was an exam I’ll give him full score,like no doubt. But this is real life and there are countless of liars out their. You don’t know who’s being honest with you and who’s hiding a knife behind his back.

I missed reading too. It’s just I couldn’t concentrate. When I read, I have a world to hide, to escape from this one. That doesn’t work no more. The saddest thing is you can’t run away from anything, you’re gonna face it and deal with it like a grown ass adult. No matter how hard it is, no matter how painful it is, no matter how lonely it is, you have to swallow it on your own.

He said let’s have a date.

That was my first time hearing it. That’s something new. I’m definitely impressed by that. A warm hug plus a warm rug are not bad for a Christmas.

I don’t know. There are just way too many voices in my head and mind wanna address themselves, wanna be heard. My brain might just need to be shut down for a bit.

So now let’s think about how to shut it down...