第三十四章

When they were gone, Elizabeth, as if intending to exasperate herself as much as possible against Mr. Darcy, chose for her employment the examination of all the letters which Jane had written to her since her being in Kent. They contained no actual complaint, nor was there any revival of past occurrences, or any communication of present suffering. But in all, and in almost every line of each, there was a want of that cheerfulness which had been used to characterize her style, and which, proceeding from the serenity of a mind at ease with itself, and kindly disposed towards every one, had been scarcely ever clouded. Elizabeth noticed every sentence conveying the idea of uneasiness with an attention which it had hardly received on the first perusal. Mr. Darcy's shameful boast of what misery he had been able to inflict gave her a keener sense of her sister's sufferings. It was some consolation to think that his visit to Rosings was to end on the day after the next, and a still greater that in less than a fortnight she should herself be with Jane again, and enabled to contribute to the recovery of her spirits by all that affection could do. 

She could not think of Darcy's leaving Kent without remembering that his cousin was to go with him; but Colonel Fitzwilliam had made it clear that he had no intentions at all, and agreeable as he was, she did not mean to be unhappy about him. 

While settling this point, she was suddenly roused by the sound of the door bell, and her spirits were a little fluttered by the idea of its being Colonel Fitzwilliam himself, who had once before called late in the evening, and might now come to enquire particularly after her. But this idea was soon banished, and her spirits were very differently affected, when, to her utter amazement, she saw Mr. Darcy walk into the room. In an hurried manner he immediately began an enquiry after her health, imputing his visit to a wish of hearing that she were better. She answered him with cold civility. He sat down for a few moments, and then getting up, walked about the room. Elizabeth was surprised, but said not a word. After a silence of several minutes, he came towards her in an agitated manner, and thus began,

"In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you."

Elizabeth's astonishment was beyond expression. She stared, coloured, doubted, and was silent. This he considered sufficient encouragement, and the avowal of all that he felt and had long felt for her immediately followed. He spoke well, but there were feelings besides those of the heart to be detailed, and he was not more eloquent on the subject of tenderness than of pride. His sense of her inferiority -- of its being a degradation -- of the family obstacles which judgment had always opposed to inclination, were dwelt on with a warmth which seemed due to the consequence he was wounding, but was very unlikely to recommend his suit.

In spite of her deeply-rooted dislike, she could not be insensible to the compliment of such a man's affection, and though her intentions did not vary for an instant, she was at first sorry for the pain he was to receive; till, roused to resentment by his subsequent language, she lost all compassion in anger. She tried, however, to compose herself to answer him with patience, when he should have done. He concluded with representing to her the strength of that attachment which, in spite of all his endeavours, he had found impossible to conquer; and with expressing his hope that it would now be rewarded by her acceptance of his hand. As he said this, she could easily see that he had no doubt of a favourable answer. He spoke of apprehension and anxiety, but his countenance expressed real security. Such a circumstance could only exasperate farther, and when he ceased, the colour rose into her cheeks, and she said,

"In such cases as this, it is, I believe, the established mode to express a sense of obligation for the sentiments avowed, however unequally they may be returned. It is natural that obligation should be felt, and if I could feel gratitude, I would now thank you. But I cannot -- I have never desired your good opinion, and you have certainly bestowed it most unwillingly. I am sorry to have occasioned pain to any one. It has been most unconsciously done, however, and I hope will be of short duration. The feelings which, you tell me, have long prevented the acknowledgment of your regard, can have little difficulty in overcoming it after this explanation."

Mr. Darcy, who was leaning against the mantle-piece with his eyes fixed on her face, seemed to catch her words with no less resentment than surprise. His complexion became pale with anger, and the disturbance of his mind was visible in every feature. He was struggling for the appearance of composure, and would not open his lips, till he believed himself to have attained it. The pause was to Elizabeth's feelings dreadful. At length, in a voice of forced calmness, he said,

"And this is all the reply which I am to have the honour of expecting! I might, perhaps, wish to be informed why, with so little endeavour at civility, I am thus rejected. But it is of small importance."

"I might as well enquire," replied she, "why, with so evident a design of offending and insulting me, you chose to tell me that you liked me against your will, against your reason, and even against your character? Was not this some excuse for incivility, if I was uncivil? But I have other provocations. You know I have. Had not my own feelings decided against you, had they been indifferent, or had they even been favourable, do you think that any consideration would tempt me to accept the man, who has been the means of ruining, perhaps for ever, the happiness of a most beloved sister?"

As she pronounced these words, Mr. Darcy changed colour; but the emotion was short, and he listened without attempting to interrupt her while she continued.

"I have every reason in the world to think ill of you. No motive can excuse the unjust and ungenerous part you acted there. You dare not, you cannot deny that you have been the principal, if not the only means of dividing them from each other, of exposing one to the censure of the world for caprice and instability, the other to its derision for disappointed hopes, and involving them both in misery of the acutest kind."

She paused, and saw with no slight indignation that he was listening with an air which proved him wholly unmoved by any feeling of remorse. He even looked at her with a smile of affected incredulity.

"Can you deny that you have done it?" she repeated.

With assumed tranquillity he then replied, "I have no wish of denying that I did every thing in my power to separate my friend from your sister, or that I rejoice in my success. Towards him I have been kinder than towards myself."

Elizabeth disdained the appearance of noticing this civil reflection, but its meaning did not escape, nor was it likely to conciliate, her.

"But it is not merely this affair," she continued, "on which my dislike is founded. Long before it had taken place, my opinion of you was decided. Your character was unfolded in the recital which I received many months ago from Mr. Wickham. On this subject, what can you have to say? In what imaginary act of friendship can you here defend yourself? or under what misrepresentation, can you here impose upon others?"

"You take an eager interest in that gentleman's concerns," said Darcy in a less tranquil tone, and with a heightened colour.

"Who that knows what his misfortunes have been, can help feeling an interest in him?"

"His misfortunes!" repeated Darcy contemptuously; "yes, his misfortunes have been great indeed."

"And of your infliction," cried Elizabeth with energy. "You have reduced him to his present state of poverty, comparative poverty. You have withheld the advantages, which you must know to have been designed for him. You have deprived the best years of his life, of that independence which was no less his due than his desert. You have done all this! and yet you can treat the mention of his misfortunes with contempt and ridicule."

"And this," cried Darcy, as he walked with quick steps across the room, "is your opinion of me! This is the estimation in which you hold me! I thank you for explaining it so fully. My faults, according to this calculation, are heavy indeed! But perhaps," added he, stopping in his walk, and turning towards her, "these offences might have been overlooked, had not your pride been hurt by my honest confession of the scruples that had long prevented my forming any serious design. These bitter accusations might have been suppressed, had I with greater policy concealed my struggles, and flattered you into the belief of my being impelled by unqualified, unalloyed inclination -- by reason, by reflection, by every thing. But disguise of every sort is my abhorrence. Nor am I ashamed of the feelings I related. They were natural and just. Could you expect me to rejoice in the inferiority of your connections? To congratulate myself on the hope of relations, whose condition in life is so decidedly beneath my own?"

Elizabeth felt herself growing more angry every moment; yet she tried to the utmost to speak with composure when she said,

"You are mistaken, Mr. Darcy, if you suppose that the mode of your declaration affected me in any other way, than as it spared me the concern which I might have felt in refusing you, had you behaved in a more gentleman-like manner."

She saw him start at this, but he said nothing, and she continued,

"You could not have made me the offer of your hand in any possible way that would have tempted me to accept it."

Again his astonishment was obvious; and he looked at her with an expression of mingled incredulity and mortification. She went on.

"From the very beginning, from the first moment I may almost say, of my acquaintance with you, your manners, impressing me with the fullest belief of your arrogance, your conceit, and your selfish disdain of the feelings of others, were such as to form that ground-work of disapprobation, on which succeeding events have built so immoveable a dislike; and I had not known you a month before I felt that you were the last man in the world whom I could ever be prevailed on to marry."

"You have said quite enough, madam. I perfectly comprehend your feelings, and have now only to be ashamed of what my own have been. Forgive me for having taken up so much of your time, and accept my best wishes for your health and happiness."

And with these words he hastily left the room, and Elizabeth heard him the next moment open the front door and quit the house.

The tumult of her mind was now painfully great. She knew not how to support herself, and from actual weakness sat down and cried for half an hour. Her astonishment, as she reflected on what had passed, was increased by every review of it. That she should receive an offer of marriage from Mr. Darcy! that he should have been in love with her for so many months! so much in love as to wish to marry her in spite of all the objections which had made him prevent his friend's marrying her sister, and which must appear at least with equal force in his own case, was almost incredible! It was gratifying to have inspired unconsciously so strong an affection. But his pride, his abominable pride, his shameless avowal of what he had done with respect to Jane, his unpardonable assurance in acknowledging, though he could not justify it, and the unfeeling manner in which he had mentioned Mr. Wickham, his cruelty towards whom he had not attempted to deny, soon overcame the pity which the consideration of his attachment had for a moment excited.

She continued in very agitating reflections till the sound of Lady Catherine's carriage made her feel how unequal she was to encounter Charlotte's observation, and hurried her away to her room.

--正文

大家走后，好像为了有意激怒达西似的，伊丽莎白开始检查简到了肯特郡以后给她写得每一封信。信里并没有真正抱怨什么，也没有回忆过去，也没有说现在所忍受的折磨。但是总得来说，字里行间缺少了简那标志性的欢快，而她以前那种平静待人的气质，现在也几乎见不到了。伊丽莎白还注意到了简的每句话里都透露着焦灼，而这不仔细读是读不出来的。而达西还在那吹嘘自己怎么样破坏了别人的好事，这让伊丽莎白更真切地感受到了姐姐的痛苦。不过想起来后天之后，达西就再也不会去罗星了，伊丽莎白就稍有安慰，而又想到两周内她就能跟简在一起，到时候就能想着办法让简开心起来，她就更开心了一些。

伊丽莎白觉得达西要是离开肯特郡的话，肯定会记得把自己的堂弟带走。但是菲茨威廉姆上校之前明说过，他并没有离开的意思，而且他人又那么和善，伊丽莎白怎么也不至于生他的气。

她正想着这件事，突然被一阵门铃声打断了，想到可能是菲茨威廉姆上校，她心里有些慌张。因为他之前也夜里拜访过，现在可能是特地过来看看她。但是完全出乎意料的是，门一开是达西走了进来，伊丽莎白情绪一下变了。达西一进门就匆匆忙忙地问她身体怎么样，说自己此番造访只是希望她身体有所好转。伊丽莎白客气地回答了他。达西坐了一会，然后又站了起来，在屋里闲逛。伊丽莎白有些惊讶，但是什么也没说。在沉默了几分钟之后，达西有些急躁得，向伊丽莎白走了过来，开口说：“我也曾经挣扎，但是徒劳无功。挣扎是没有用的。我不会再压抑自己的感情了。请允许我告诉你——我是如此的钦慕你，我如此热爱你，伊丽莎白。”

伊丽莎白被震惊到无法说话。她先是盯着达西看了下，又开始脸红，然后又开始怀疑，最终沉默了下来。而达西看到这些受到了鼓舞，便把此刻他的感情和长久以来压抑的情感，都告诉了伊丽莎白。他说的不错，但是此刻除了感情还有其它东西需要说明白，而达西说起情话来，也充满了傲慢。他觉得伊丽莎白低人一等，自己此刻表白已经是屈尊了，而且她那个家庭总是让人喜欢不起来，他说起这些就像是说自己愿意委曲求全，已经尽了很大诚意的一样，但是这并不能让他很有吸引力。

尽管她对这个男人讨厌透顶，但是对于他表达的爱意也不能置之不理。尽管她的态度从未改变，但是一开始对于达西遭受的痛苦，她还是很同情的，但听他后面说的那些垃圾话，伊丽莎白又重新厌恶起他来，愤怒又让她再也不同情达西。她试图让自己冷静下来，在达西说完的时候给他一个答复。达西最后总结说虽然自己努力压制，然后最终还是无法控制这种感情，他希望自己能够牵她的手。伊丽莎白可以看出：达西无疑相信自己会接受他。他嘴上说着恐惧和焦虑，但是他的表情出卖了他，其实他觉得十拿九稳。这只会让伊丽莎白更加怒火中烧，所以当达西一停，伊丽莎白满脸通红，说：“

像这种情况，按照惯例，我有责任对你表达的感情做出回应，但是吧有时候结果不是你想要的。觉得应该回应是很正常的，而且如果此时我有所感激的话，我此刻应该会感谢你。但是我不会感谢你，我可从来没指望你能说我什么好话，而且你刚才肯定是不情不愿地说的。我很不喜欢让别人痛苦。大多数情况都是我无意造成的，但是呢我还是希望这段痛苦能尽快过去。你之前因为种种原因而没有告诉我的这种好感，经我现在这段解释，应该不会太难压抑住了。”

达西当时正靠着壁炉看着伊丽莎白，当她说出这番话的时候，达西不仅很惊讶，更有些愤怒。他的脸因为愤怒而变得惨白，而且他此刻十分心烦意乱。他极力让自己冷静下来，直到他觉得自己做到之前，他一直保持着沉默。这一段沉默让伊丽莎白感到害怕。终于，他用一种克制的声音说：“

这就是我所期待的答案。我可能希望你能给我一个解释，为什么我被这么粗鲁得拒绝了。但这些，都是些无关紧要的事情。“

”那我也要问问，“伊丽莎白回复说，”为什么你要违背自己的意愿，违背自己的理由，甚至违背自己的性格，来告诉我你喜欢我？你这明明是刻意的要冒犯和侮辱我。如果是我没有礼貌，那这不就是我不礼貌的原因吗？但是除此之外，还有其它事情让我愤怒。这事你是知道的。就算我不讨厌你，就算我对你感觉一般，甚至就算我喜欢你，你觉得我会接受一个，也许永远毁了，我最喜欢的姐姐的幸福的人吗？“

伊丽莎白说这些话的时候，达西的脸色变了。但是这个情绪只保留了一会，她接着说的时候达西也只是静静听着。

”我有充分的理由讨厌你。你在蘑菇屯的不公平和偏激的作为，没有任何理由可以解释。你不敢，你也不能否认——就算你不是拆散宾利和简的唯一元凶，你也是主要的推手，你让他们其中一个因为善变而遭受谴责，另一个因为愿望落空而遭受奚落，让他们两个人都遭受最大程度的痛苦。“

伊丽莎白说完了，但是达西并没有任何忏悔的意思。他甚至还露出一副不相信的笑容看着伊丽莎白。

” 你能否认自己做过这些吗？“伊丽莎白又问了一遍。

正如伊丽莎白所料，达西十分镇静地回复说：”我不想否认自己确实尽了全部能力让自己的朋友离开你姐姐，也不想否认我很高兴自己成功了。我对这位朋友比对我自己还好。“

伊丽莎白听到这个冠冕堂皇的回答，并没有什么反应，但是它背后的意思自己是听明白了，但这也无法平息她的怒火。

”但是我讨厌你，也不因为这一件事，“她接着说，”远在这件事之前，我对你的看法就确定了。几个月前一场朗诵会上，维克汉姆把你是什么样的人都告诉我了。这件事上，你有什么能说的？在这你又能用哪种想象中的友情来维护你自己？或者说，你又准备编点什么故事来骗人？“

”你对那个哥们的事情倒是挺关心啊。“达西说这话的事情不那么镇静，脸色也有些严肃。

”谁听说过他糟的罪，都会对他感兴趣啊。“

”他遭的罪？“达西不屑地重复了一遍，”是啊，他遭的罪可真是不一般。“

”至于你的罪过，“伊丽莎白大吼说，”就是害他到今天的贫穷境地，相对的贫穷。你把许诺给他的东西，故意不给他。你把他人生中最好的时光给剥夺了。他本来能自主生活，但是这种权利被你剥夺了。这些事情都是你做的！但是你还能轻蔑地奚落他的遭遇。“

”这就是你对我的看法！“达西一边大吼着，一边在屋里快速走来走去，”这就是你对我的印象！我真是感谢你解释得那么完整。按你的说法，我可真是罪孽深重！但是要不是我如实把一直以来让自己迟迟没有干预的顾虑说了出来，伤害了你的自尊心的话，“达西停了下来说，转过身子说，”你可能也不会这么指责我吧。要是我掩盖了自己的顾虑，一心恭维你让你相信在情感，理智，甚至任何事情上面，我完全是无条件，真诚地喜欢你，你也不会这么苦心指责我吧。但我厌恶这种事情。我并不为自己的想法而羞愧。这是十分自然和公正的想法。你真指望我喜欢你那些下等亲戚吗？我会恭喜自己终于有这种地位比我低得多的亲戚了？“

伊丽莎白越听越气，但是她还是尽了最大努力用平静的口吻说：“

达西先生，如果你觉得你这样表白能让我转变心意得话，那你可真是大错特错了。如果你表现得更绅士一些，我可能拒绝你还会有些顾虑，但是现在这种顾虑全都没有了。”

她看到达西抖了一下，但是他什么都没说，她就继续说道：“不论你怎么说，我都不会答应你的”。

达西又是很惊讶的样子，他不太相信，但又充满着屈辱地看着伊丽莎白。（翻译官：伊丽莎白开始放连招了）她又接着说：“

从最一开始，从我刚认识你的时候，你的行为就让我完全相信你是傲慢，无知，忽视别人感情的人，这让我从最开始就不喜欢你，而后面发生的事情让我更加坚定得讨厌你。然后我认识你还不到一个月的时候，除非这世界上没男人了，不然我是不会嫁给你的。（翻译官：灵魂暴击！你是个好人都不说了，多大仇。）”

“你说的够多了，夫人。我完全理解你的感受，而我现在完全为自己羞愧。请原谅我占用了你那么多的时间，请接受我的祝愿，祝你身体健康，幸福快乐。”

说完这些话，他就匆匆离开了，伊丽莎白听到他开了前门，离开了这间房子。

伊丽莎白的脑瓜子一团浆糊，痛苦万分。她现在不知道做点啥好，她因为身体虚弱而不得不坐下来，又哭了半个小时。等她回过神来的时候，每次回想刚才发生的事情，她的惊讶就多了一分。她竟然收获了达西先生的求婚！他竟然已经爱上自己几个月了！他竟然那么爱她以至于忽视了门第之见要娶她，之前他还因为这个拆分了宾利和简，而这对于他来说向自己求婚肯定也要克服同样的困难，这真的是难以想象。（翻译官：现实的女人 :)。 ）自己能在不经意间获得别人这样的爱慕，也真是让人满意了。但是他的傲慢，他那可恶的傲慢，他对简做了那一切，竟然还无耻的承认了。尽管他无法自圆其说，但是他是知道这件事的，这无法原谅。还有他对维克汉姆那冷冰冰的态度，他甚至都不打算否认残酷对待维克汉姆的现实。伊丽莎白很快就忘掉了刚才一瞬间产生的怜悯之心。

她又开始愤怒得回忆之前的事情，一直到听到卡瑟林夫人马车的声音。她自知肯定逃不过夏洛特的火眼金睛，所以赶快跑到自己房间里去了。