爱的语言‖《how to fight》一行禅师

爱的语言

如果你在生活中和某个人产生问题，你可以花一些时间独处，给他或她写一封封信。给自己三个小时来写一封充满爱的书信。

当你写信的时候，练习深入观察你们关系的本质。为什么沟通如此困难?为什么幸福一直不可能?你可能会想这样开始:“我亲爱的儿子，我知道你在过去的许多年里受了很多苦。我没能帮助你——事实上，我使情况更糟了。我并不想让你受苦，我的孩子。也许我的技术不够熟练。也许我试图把我的想法强加给你，让你痛苦。过去我以为是你让我受苦，我的痛苦都是你造成的。现在我意识到我要为自己的痛苦负责，是我让你受苦的。作为你的父亲，我不想让你受苦。”

花三个小时，甚至一天，写这样一封信。你会发现，写完信你已经像变了一个人一样。平和、理解和同情已经改变了你。二十四小时就能创造奇迹。这就是爱的言语的实践。

Loving speech

If you have difficulties with someone in your life, you might spend some time alone and write a letter to him or her. Give yourself three hours to write a letter using loving speech.

While you write the letter, practice looking deeply into the nature of your relationship. Why has communication been difficult? Why has happiness not been possible? You may want to begin like this, “My dear son, I know you have suffered a lot during the past many years. I have not been able to help you—in fact, I have made the situation worse. It is not my intention to make you suffer, my son. Maybe I am not skillful enough. Maybe I try to impose my ideas on you and I make you suffer. In the past I thought you made me suffer, that my suffering was caused by you. Now I realize that I have been responsible for my own suffering, and that I have made you suffer. As your father, I don’t want you to suffer.”

Spend three hours, even a day, writing such a letter. You will find that the person who finishes the letter is not the same person who began it. Peace, understanding, and compassion have transformed you. A miracle can be achieved in twenty-four hours. That is the practice of loving speech.