2022-11-10 Worrying about what y

Worry is the flip side of rumination.

Just like rumination is unhelpful thinking about mistakes or bad things in the past, worry is unhelpful thinking about potential dangers in the future:

• Imagining telling your boss about the mistake you made and getting stuck going over and over various worst-case scenarios.
• Thinking about all the negative, critical things your friends might be thinking about you during the party.
• Obsessing over that strange pain in your leg, convincing yourself it’s cancer, and imagining how awful chemo is going to be.

We all know worry makes us feel awful — anxious and stressed in the short term, but also lacking in confidence and mental toughness in the long-term.

And yet, we keep doing it. Over and over and over again… Why?

The key to understanding worry is that, like rumination, in the very short-term it actually feels good! Worry gives us the illusion of control.

On a basic level, we believe that if we think hard enough and long enough and prepare ourselves for every possible negative outcome, things will be better — people we love will stay safe, disasters will be averted, etc. But more importantly, worry preoccupies our mind. It gives us something to do instead of simply feeling scared or helpless or unsure.

The problem is, the act of worrying trains our brain to believe that those imaginary bad things are real and likely possibilities, which keeps us anxious and afraid in the long run.

When you’re constantly anxious and afraid, it’s awfully hard to be emotionally strong.