感恩日志 Day1

Dear God,

Thank you for blessing me the life--that I could enjoy the joy and sadness. I have to say I feel hurt when I got the unsatisfying oral exam result. I slept in the bed feeling misery. Though I did not express out before Jannick and Professor, in my deep heart I feel sad...

It seems that I have attach great importance to my academic performance, so if the result dispointed me, I would broke down. I am not willing to admit that I am a loser, but on the other hand, I indeed did not have a good command of the related knowledge of Communication Networks, even the basic TCP protocal. I am ashamed of myself. God, I feel that I am little value. I would be useless after graduation...

Okay, I should think positively, right? I should appreciate how much I have learned in this process without  paying any tuition. It is valuable opportunity for me to get access to great people in this course. Jannick, Fahbian. At the same time, I  should realize my inapproporiate way of self-evaluation. God, you know I have many weaknesses, I am lazy , irresponsible to both others and to myself. I always break my words. When you decide to take this course, you should know that you should master the covered knowlegde and skills rather than simply relying on your Group member. Yes, God, that is what you taught me !!!

"Yes is Yes, No is No".

When professor ask me about the conception of TCP avoidance, I am familiar with this term, so I want to try to explain. However, I fail to form a logical idea and rush to speak with some incomplete sentences. Oh, so bad...Professor finally commented that when you don't know just say" sorry I don't know." rather than trying to conceal it. 

Perfectnism

I was also asked about the satistic p-value's comparison. I should know it, but I made a mistake on the PPT. I regret it so much. God, I should figure out everything unsure...I regretted for my irresponsible...If I don't care about the little  details about my own study, how could I take  care of greater things. God, I am not  a reliable person...

God, I need to shoulder more responsibility to further grow my sense of responsiblity. I really clearly see my shortages. God, I know it is your guidance for me to correct them. However, I am so weak that I could not achieve the desirable change by myself. Strengthen me lord. 

Move foreward in the wake of failure

God, I don't feel like doing anything this afternoon. I am avoiding the burd ahead. Help me recover from the mental sickness. God, I tried to turn to anyone but you. Lord, I know no one could truely comfort me expect you. 

Think about without any failure in life, you will never see yourself clearly. 

Now think about your career confusion. Try your best in Machine Learning exam and Data Science Summer School. If really this is beyond your capacity permanently, at least you will have a better understanding of your capacity. 

Do not fear to face challenges！Try to be more confident! You are the chosen one by God. Everything is within God's plan. Knowing that you are at the critical period of life, you should take the responsibility of making wise discisions. You should not hesitate any more. Do your best thus you would not regret in the future.

Also, thank God for today nice talk with Huang, we haven't talked like this for a month. Interestingly, when I am frustrated in my academic and career, I would rely more on family and friends. But lord help me to love and care others all the time. 

At least,  I have choice to disgard the result and I am sure I would do much better next year in HIT. Also, this course help me a lot on the skill of Simulation and Modeling. I really learned a lot. You should be proud of yourself completing such a difficult master course. Be confident. 

Love,

Sophia Ron