Three types of false friends I h

“How we feel and what we accomplish are a direct result of the people we choose to surround ourselves with.”—Emilie Wapnick

False friends mean to me nothing more than wrong companions I choose to sail beside me on my life journey.

To make it easier to understand, imagine an ocean where different ships travel on various paths to distinct destinations. In those diverse crafts, there may be one ship all alone to a legendary terminus or several vessels partnered to a shared target. Running into each other in harbors or on the way, you may reasonably exchange information and knowledge for a better understanding of the whole map to appropriately develop your strategy. We always base our vision on others` wisdoms, isn`t? Here is also the chance to make new friends.

Now the dialogues among you begin. After thorough description of your aim, you may receive kinds of replies.

Some may advise quitting the intended expedition to your desperate dream land for regular extremely bad weather on that specific route. “It is unnecessary to take the huge risks”, they disdain your bold adventure. Some others may show their uncovered doubt of your motives because that continent is inhabited with ferocious beasts which may attack you in your sleep, or primitive tribes with crazy ethnic traditions. “What is in your mind?”, they comment.

There may also be captains with no negative judgements on you or your land, however, they keep talking nothing around what you really care for but his own concerns ranging from what they have achieved and even who they have dated. “Once I had a charming girl~”, they brag.

By good fortune, there are those who truly appreciate your vision, show their consideration and even generously offer expertise to empower you. “Stick with your plan!”, they encourage you. Or with the most luck, you meet up with an ambitious head who longs for the same goal with enthusiasm and true grit, you being on each others` side from that day on. “We will be there”, you aspire.

How do those responses sound to you?

You may have the impression that this is straightforward in the fact that the first three types provide you with no meaningful feedbacks. At least their opinions and attitudes are not presented in a constructive way. Take the first type for example, if the high risk is unknown to us, claiming “it is unnecessary” is rash because plainly it is unnecessary for them but not us. On second thoughts, what we need then is detailed information of that knotty condition, e.g., the accurate frequency of disastrous weather and techniques we can adopt to confront it. On the other hand, if the high risk has been recognized by us, their are saying needless words.

However, in reality they are often not so obvious to be discerned. There are many disturbing factors that would blur your mind. What if the suspicious, pointless comments are from the one you once considered as your partners to the final destination, that is, the last adorable type? Which part of your judgement is wrong? Whether the one is not a fitting companion as in your earlier sight or his/her comments are indeed realistic rather than casually dissenting remarks? You had better think over it since right decision of you, the chief commander directly impacts the fate of your ship.

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I have met all those types of friends on my past journey. However, my view of them changed over time, the reason of which may be my wrong grouping of them or their actual transformation in constantly changing exploration, having formed a differing vision..

No one is to blame.

We all have our own perspective of the faraway place, dreaming of landing on islands with dissimilar sceneries. Accordingly the strategy and paths are completely divergent. To those sailing into contrast directions, we may be insane. Changing the routes because of those unkind comments is quite stupid for the disparate stopping places these lines leading to. You will predictably regret ending up in a place contrary to your desirous land, however breathtaking it seems to others.

Here is a return to the point how to become a better captain. Not only do you have to bea decisive commander with consultants, but also with the ability of constructing big picture to design an appropriate strategy and pick up suitable companions for yourself.