If consultants ran Christmas

https://www.economist.com/business/2018/12/22/if-consultants-ran-christmas

2018-12-23 经济学人打卡
If consultants ran Christmas

Thanks for asking us to have a look at your business model. Our staff have now recovered from their frostbite(n,v 冻伤) and have a number of significant suggestions for a revamp(n, vt 改进, 补休，翻新) before next year.

这是一些重要的改进建议

First, the brand name. The business seems to use several different monikers(n 绰号), including St Nicholas, Santa Claus and Father Christmas. We suggest settling on one of the three. Father Christmas is clearly paternalistic and gender-biased. St Nicholas is too overtly religious. Santa Claus is a much more inclusive term. Once trademarked(标有商标), there is a ton of money to be made from merchandising(n,v 推销) rights, particularly from greeting-card companies and department stores. Frankly, your intellectual property(知识产权) is an underutilised resource.

首先是品牌名字。如今有许多不同的昵称，我们建议只保留其中之一。标上商标之后，经过推销会收获大笔的钱，尤其在贺卡公司与百货商店。坦率的说，你的知识产权是个开工不足的资源。

Making better use of it could help address your most glaring(adj 耀眼的，明显的) challenge: the lack of any revenue stream. Mince pies(肉馅饼), carrots and glasses of brandy(白兰地) are not a sound basis of remuneration(n 报酬) for a multinational organisation. And who pays for the raw materials needed to make the presents? Given the lack of paperwork(文书工作) about your funding, we are surprised that the authorities have not launched an investigation into money-laundering(洗钱).

此等措施可以解决最明显的挑战：缺少收入。肉馅饼，胡萝卜与白兰地并不是给这么一个跨国公司的基本报酬。谁来支付礼物需要的原材料呢？由于缺少关于你们资金的文件，我们很惊讶当局并没有对你们的洗钱启动调查。

Next, the distribution system. We admit you have an excellent record to date. However, in attempting to deliver millions of presents from a single point over the course of one night, you have been flying by the seat of your sled(n,v 雪橇). It would take just one injured reindeer(n 驯鹿) or a chimney(n 烟囱) accident and the whole system would grind(n,v 磨，痛苦) to a halt. It is far from clear how you co-ordinate your flights with air-traffic-control systems.

之后是分发系统。我承认你们队日期记录的很好，然鹅通过雪橇在一个晚上试图单点传输数计百万的礼物，如果出现驯鹿受伤或者烟囱事故，整个系统将会停止。而且还远不清楚你是如何协调航空交通管制系统的。

Outsourcing(n 外包) is the obvious answer. Amazon, Fed Ex and ups would do the job just as efficiently. If the chimney-delivery route is still preferred, then small drones(n 雄蜂，无人机) may be the answer.

外包是明显的答案。可以使用无人机配送如果还是期望通过烟囱派发礼物

Now let us turn to working conditions. Basing your operation at the North Pole exposes your workers both to extreme cold and, thanks to climate change, melting ice. It is a health-and-safety (or should that be elf(精灵)-and-safety) nightmare. Speaking of which(说到这一点), our human-resources department is unsure whether employing elves(elf复数) should be classed as an admirable diversity policy or discrimination against Homo sapiens. As with distribution, the operation could be outsourced. The elves could be retrained, perhaps as shoemakers.

说说工作环境。北极的环境使工作人员暴露在极寒的环境中，并由于气候变暖，冰块融化，这是健康和安全的噩梦。说到这一点，我们HR部门不确定是否将雇佣的精灵归类于令人钦佩的多元化政策亦或是歧视智人。与分发工作一样，该业务也可以外包。精灵可以再被训练，或许能成为制鞋精灵。

Our team was also very concerned about animal welfare. Asking reindeer to fly around the world in one night, pulling a heavy load, must put an enormous strain on their physiques(体格). One of the reindeer has a very shiny nose and we recommend immediate veterinary(兽医) attention.

同时我们团队也非常关注动物的福利。要求驯鹿环绕世界飞行在一个晚上，负载沉重的负担，肯定对体格有巨大的压力。其中一只驯鹿有非常光亮的鼻子我们建议立即引起兽医的注意。

The next issue is data protection. You tell us you have a “list” which records whether children are “naughty or nice”. We are afraid that checking it twice is simply not an adequate safeguard. Children, and their parents, have the right to inspect the list to see whether they agree with your assessment(评估). Even keeping the list is a breach(n,vt 违背) of data-protection rules around the planet. And how are the data compiled? The fact that you see children when they are sleeping, and know when they are awake, suggests surveillance on an Orwellian scale. This must be stopped immediately. If you insist on pre-gift monitoring, simply look at the children’s Snapchat accounts. That should tell you all you need to know.

下一个问题是数据保护。你告诉我们有个列表记录孩子听话或者调皮，我们担心反复检查根本不是一个充分的保障措施。孩子和他们的家长有权利检查清单，并看他们是否同意你的评估。即使是保留清单也是违背了全球的数据保护规则。还有数据是如何编译的？事实上你看到孩子们什么时候睡觉什么时候起来，说明在奥威尔规模上有监控。这必须马上停止。如果你检查要在送礼物之前监控，可以查看孩子们的Snapchat账户。这应该告诉你了你需要知道的所有事情。

While we are on the subject, how do you know which families celebrate Christmas and which do not? In some jurisdictions(n 司法管辖区), you may be liable to a religious-discrimination lawsuit(n 诉讼).

我们如何知道哪些家庭是否庆祝圣诞节？在一些司法管辖区，你可能会被宗教歧视诉讼。

We are also worried about succession(连续，继承) planning. No insult(侮辱) intended but the white beard suggests you are past retirement age and your rotund physique does not bode(v 预示) well for your health. You need to hire a graduate, preferably from an Ivy League college(常青藤联盟大学) such as Yule University.

考虑继承人问题。

The good news is that you do live up(遵守，不负众望，快乐过日子) to many of the precepts of modern business theory. Just-in-time delivery, a flat management structure and a purpose-driven ethos(气质，精神，理念) are all things we recommend to other clients. And no one can say that flying reindeer are not “agile”.

好消息是你确实遵守了许多现代商业理论规则：及时交付，扁平化管理与目的驱动理念；这些都是我们对其他客户推荐的。且没人说飞行驯鹿不敏捷。

Finally, we need to talk about the terms of our bill. Our expenses were considerable; have you seen the price of a first-class seat on Lapland Airways? Your offer of a train set and slippers(拖鞋) was very kind, but we prefer a bank transfer. Mind you, if you could drop a hassle(v,n 争论，困难)-free Brexit(英国脱欧) solution down the chimney, the people of Britain would be very grateful.

最后，我们需要谈谈我们法案的条款。 我们的开支很大; 你看过拉普兰航空公司头等舱座位的价格吗？ 您提供的火车和拖鞋非常友好，但我们更喜欢银行转账。 请注意，如果你能在烟囱下放一个无争论的英国脱欧解决方案，英国人民将非常感激。