大抵是3月至6月，差不多90天。每日洗脸时我将头浸沒水中，感受13年前小学毕业长假中一个下午溺水的感受，以期这样状态下问自己得到答案。

缘何开始

开始这个外人觉得怪的行为是为了解决选择问题。

去年7月调入机关，相较于基层有了更多自由，这时我脑中冒出很多想法，并开始对自己想做的很多事情采取行动，遇到了英语麦克风，决心一定要学好英文；遇到游泳馆，觉得游泳很棒，就花了3800办了张年卡，决心学好游泳；工作需要和他人一同做过网站，其实我只是在大学选修课上去过几次，单位被我忽悠的以为我会，所以决心学会做网站；又因为单位大庆要给单位做宣传画册发现图文混排cdr比ps好用的多决心要把cdr学好；每天记录分析新闻，每天早上要20分钟健身，等等其他要干的事，结果每天光英语时间花费将近要两个小时，其他项目当然遇到时间限制，开始我没有具体的时间安排，只是决心每天一定要完成，事实证明我困于一个项目，其他项目没有时间，为了解决时间问题，我开始制定时间计划表，可发现无论怎么安排都难以完成，自己也很累，后来偶然得到启示——提高效率的方法是就是不干，当然这个不干不是什么事都不干，而是找到真正重要，更加重要的事干，悟到这个后我就相对轻松起来，为什么不是问题解决了呢，因为知道容易做起来难，因为本能上我们总是想要找一个最平衡的最佳结合点，这个选择的困扰了我很长时间，后来我回到基层，有了很多限制，自己当初计划的很多事与环境有冲突，自己在时间上更是难以处理过来，但有了先前经验，我知道必须要作取舍，但结果是自己每每陷于环境不能自拔，后来我了解到乔布斯主每天问自己今天最后一天，还会干当下所干之事，来做选择。认为这是个方法，但同时认为问还是没有用的必须要真正置身于这样的情景中，于是我开始了这个奇怪的举动。

问题和答案

我问了乔帮主问自己的那个问题——“假如今天是你的最后一天，你还会干你将要去干的事情么？”（只不过将时间改为现在你将要死去）因为我意识到我对这些事的不悦但我仍然纠结。

我问了到底什么东西最重要？因为我困于平衡外界的期待和自己知道重要之事间平衡处理事务。

我问了谁对我最重要，我活着为了谁？因为自己遇到一些人自己很不忿，但同时又意识到这不是自己能够解决的，知道最正确的方式是干对自己重要的事，不要浪费任何注意力在这上面。

得到的答案——活成自己！活的有意义！活的快乐！

原来答案是这个，或者换句本质上就是有利于生，只是人们被道德教育抗拒而已。

后来我我在李开复的《向死而生》看到人之将死最后悔的五件事深有感受。

一生都在照顾临终病人的护士邦妮·韦尔关于人在临终时最后悔的五件事记录，

一、我希望当初有勇气过自己真正想要的生活，而不是别人希望我过的生活。

二、我希望当初我没有花这么多精力在工作上。

三、我希望当初我能有勇气表达我的感受。

四、我希望当初我能和朋友保持联系。

五、我希望当初我能让自己活得更开心一点。

但我认为就算时间怜悯了他们，时光逆流给他们机会，他们还是会重复之前的活法，因为改变是一种高级智慧，是一项技术活，是与自己人性本能的对抗。

思考工具

窒息时刻问自己，我发现这是一个思考的工具。能够帮助我们做选择。以下理由：

智力表现值等于智力真值乘以情绪，濒死时你抛却情绪。因为我们的初衷，在环境影响下，我们纠结于中庸智慧的平衡选择，却渐渐迷失，在这个时刻帮我们剔除很多考虑点，回到基础刚性约束的几个因素条件，做出选择，人只有正真缺乏的时候才会觉得它的珍贵，因为只有正真的面临沉浸这种情景之中，我们才能真正的转换思考模式，这是你大脑自然而然的出现的想法。

帮助我们更加坚定。因为人类大脑的设定，对当下感受最为强烈，俗语表现就是好了伤疤忘了疼，这是我们对不知道吸取教训人的哀其不幸怒其不争，但其实只要你是人类的大脑，你就超脱不了，这是人大脑的模式设定，只有利用这个规律，让自己模拟之前那个场景，大脑自然而然按照设定这样感受。

真诚提醒

有一些有一些错误，因为人的记忆有错误（不知道读者有没有觉察到），因为我们很健忘（不知道读者有没有感悟到，如果你感悟到我想你应该有外接大脑）为了记忆的自洽。大脑结合一部分事实完整自洽了一个故事，为了追寻正真的答案，对自己真诚对读者真诚，我花了几个小时，闭眼在脑海里探索还原当时场景和真时感受，和导致这些场景发生的前世因、缘和后世果，但科学上时间让我们忘却是真理，你我不能超脱。

文中例子英文原文：“I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.”― Steve Jobs

Here are the top five regrets of the dying, as witnessed by Ware:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

"This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it."

2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.

"This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence."

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

"Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result."

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

"Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying."

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

"This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again."

网站链接

人之将死最后悔的五件事：https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2012/feb/01/top-five-regrets-of-the-dying（外网）

乔布斯名言https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/412696-i-have-looked-in-the-mirror-every-morning-and-asked（外网）