DIARY ONE (2021-7-29)

I am just try to figure out what was going on,and that is the purpose why I have writed this essay.too many things to say, and so incapable of me,may be there is so many grammar mistakes here.but, who will concern, who care about that .

yes, it is about my father,again.I don't want to write it in chinese,,i don't think I have the ability to describe the whole things accurately.but still ,I will say ,I am trying.here is the thing ,I am his daughter, he is my father.that is all. and it seems that he just don't like his son-in-law even a little bit.so ,what did he do?the poor man,who married a miserable girl in this family,who haven't a job and need be taken good care of?

he just ,listen carefully ,here is the point , go to work ,go back home ,play with his daughter,bath her (she is just four years,so I think may be it is can be excusable,I don't everyone think same as me),relax on his bed, shit in toliet,play mobile phone games sometimes,and go to sleep.

well,may be you can say he is not go-ahead,resting on his laurels,but ,you can't say he is a bad man.

although he lives in my mother's house,which utility bills are payed by my father, I don't have the job ,and he is the main breadwinner(I think)

YES,the main issue is money.

My father think he pay out too much,and HE feel unfair.but ,I have nothing to do with that,because I am poor too,sometimes my mother will help me in financail ways ,and if my father saw that ,he will be rage ,and roar

"don't give her any money!let the man pay!!"

he means my husband.

he talked with my husband,and he apologize,he said he is treated so unfair by his parents,and argue that  the goodness of them.

they are bad people too...just like my husband.and me ,not a good stuff too,

after a severe reprimand,my husband cried.i have seen a grown man's tear the first time.my father said i knew nothing about grateful,and his granddaughter is better than me.

but he forgot what i have been experieing, I don't want to discuss it here.

each time he rebuke my husband,we both felt exhausted emotionally and mentally.

yes ,we did nothing .just live .HE go to work,I take care of our baby.that is all.

the worst is ,we live in beijing,WE have no house , not too much money .

I have once told my mother about our deposit ,It is nine thousand,but we spent some of them,

this is young people, know nothing about savings.but it have become another point to be criticized by my father

"where is your nine thousand?why you use my money."and something like that .

still,the main thing is the money .

I 'd better talk it tomorrow,because i felt I want to be tears too.....