【教育】孩子们想要与父母分享的4件重要事情
孩子们一定可以给他们生活中的成年人一些教育。以下是作家斯瓦蒂·洛德哈的作品。
2016年，作家兼教练斯瓦蒂·洛德哈(Swati Lodha)在她的祖国印度旅行，宣传她写的一本育儿书。在一次活动中，一名观众问了一个问题——但问的是洛德哈当时16岁的女儿斯瓦拉。
他的问题可能是每个父母的噩梦:“你认为你的母亲是完美的吗?”
“没有人知道。”斯瓦拉答道。
他坚持说:“你能告诉我她有什么问题吗?”
她的回答是:“我可以写一本关于它的书。”
所以斯瓦蒂决定与斯瓦拉合作写一本书，正如她在TEDxNNIMSBangalore的演讲中回忆的那样。他们采访了约200名8岁至18岁的孩子，以了解孩子们对父母的真实想法，以及他们希望自己能做些什么改变。
你可能会想，“为什么我们要征求孩子们的意见呢?” “但毕竟，在我们生活的大部分方面，我们都希望——也期待——用户的反馈。” 正如一个14岁的孩子告诉他们的，“当一个消费品被设计出来的时候，消费者会被问到:‘你希望这个产品有什么样的美学特征?什么样的功能特性比较好?’”
就像斯瓦蒂说的:征求意见是和孩子们沟通，而不是让他们负责。
根据Lodhas的研究，以下是孩子们想要与父母分享的4件重要事情:
1. 不同意见不等于不尊重。
许多接受采访的孩子说，他们的父母通常认为任何违背他们的规则甚至是偏好的行为都是不尊重的。Swati Lodha分享了一个来自她自己家庭的故事。她的女儿沙拉(Sharaa)喜欢带着相机和笔记本电脑旅行，当全家乘飞机旅行时，她会把随身携带的东西带上飞机。在一次旅行中，沙拉的爸爸注意到这家人通过机场安检要花多长时间，于是他问女儿是否可以检查一下她的装备。Sharaa说不;她宁愿随身携带自己的装备，担心那些精致而贵重的装备会在托运行李中受损。
但她的父亲坚持己见，无论什么时候他们一起旅行，这个分歧都成了一个痛处。沙拉认为她的父亲认为她的决定是一种反叛和任性的行为。斯瓦蒂回忆说，上一次发生这种事时，她的父亲说:“你尊重这些东西胜过尊重人。” “我女儿情绪低落;她告诉我们，‘你们喜欢服从;你们不喜欢挑衅。’”沙拉希望她的父亲能尊重她的选择，因为她认为她明智的选择是最好的。
正如斯瓦蒂总结的那样，“孩子们想从我们这里得到的是，我们应该重新校准我们与服从的关系”，并尊重他们行为和决定背后的原因。
2.孩子们不需要被告知他们是最棒的。
斯瓦蒂说:“父母……在孩子身上投入了感情，所以无论他们做什么都是最好的，孩子们也开始以同样的方式高估自己。”但她采访的孩子们说，他们实际上并不喜欢这种夸大的观点。他们希望被更现实地看待，让父母看到他们真实的样子，而不是他们希望的样子。“我们应该能够以同样的平衡来面对我们的恐惧和幻想，”斯瓦蒂解释道。
3.孩子们总是得到反馈;父母也应该得到一些。
成长是一个不断评估的时期，每个比孩子大的人——父母、兄弟姐妹、老师和权威人士——都自由自愿地对孩子的表现发表自己的看法。正如斯瓦蒂的一个实验对象告诉她的那样，“我总是被贴上标签。我被老师贴上了英语不好的标签;我被妈妈说成是淘气的孩子;我被我姐姐贴上了以自我为中心的标签。为Lodhas的书而接受调查的孩子们指出，父母并没有收到所有这些反馈，他们希望家长被要求这样做。
4. 父母们不应该如此执着于结果。
“父母爱结果，”斯瓦蒂说。“不仅结果;他们喜欢所有可衡量的结果。与他们交谈过的孩子们说，他们感到压力来自父母对分数、奖品、奖章、比赛分数和入学的强调——尤其是当这是一项运动、主题或兴趣时，孩子们应父母的要求去追求，而不是因为他们自己的兴趣。根据Swati的说法，孩子们希望他们的想法和努力被注意和重视，即使结果并不值得注意。
原文：
4 things that kids wish their parents knew
Children could definitely give the adults in their lives some lessons in parenting. Here are a few, from writer Swati Lodha.
In 2016, author and coach Swati Lodha was on tour in her native India to promote a parenting book she’d written. At one event, an audience member asked a question — but it was for Lodha’s then-16-year-old daughter, Swaraa, who had accompanied her.
His question was perhaps every parent’s nightmare: “Do you think your mother is perfect?”
“Nobody is,” replied Swaraa.
He persisted: “Can you tell me one thing that is wrong with her?”
Her answer: “I could write a book about it.”
Ouch.
So Swati decided to collaborate with Swaraa on a book, as she recalls in her TEDxNNIMSBangalore talk. They interviewed around 200 children — aged 8 to 18 — to find out what the kids really thought about their parents, and what they wished they’d do differently.
You may wonder, “Why should we ask kids for their input?” But after all, we want — and expect — user feedback in most aspects of our lives. As one 14-year-old told them, “When a consumer product is designed, the consumers are asked: ‘What kind of aesthetic features do you want in this product? What kind of functional features would do good?’”
As Swati puts it: Asking for advice is about checking in with kids — but not putting them in charge.
Here are 4 key things that children would like to share with their mothers and fathers,
1. Disagreement is not the same thing as disrespect.
Many of the kids interviewed say that their parents usually see any deviation from their rules or even preferences as disrespectful. Swati Lodha shares a story from her own family. Her daughter, Sharaa, loves to travel with her camera and laptop, which she brings in her carry-on when the family goes on plane trips. On one trip, Sharaa’s dad noticed how long it took the family to get through airport security, so he asked his daughter if she could check her gear instead. Sharaa said no; she prefers to keep her gear with her, worried that the delicate, valuable equipment will be harmed in checked baggage.
But her dad dug in, and the disagreement has become a sore point whenever they travel together. Sharaa thinks her dad has cast her decision as an act of rebellion and willfulness. The last time it happened, her dad said, “You respect these things more than people,” recalls Swati. “My daughter was downcast; she told us, ‘You guys love obedience; you guys dislike defiance.’” Sharaa wishes that her father would respect what she sees as her informed choice to do is best.
As Swati concludes, “What children want from us is that we should recalibrate our relationship with obedience” and respect the reasons behind their behaviors and decisions.
2. Kids don’t need to be told they’re the best.
“Parents … have an emotional investment in their children, so whatever they do becomes the best, and the children also start overestimating themselves in the same way,” says Swati. But the kids she interviewed said they actually didn’t enjoy this inflated perspective. They want to be viewed more realistically and have their parents see them as who they really are — not as who they wish they were. “We should be able to face our fears and our fantasies with equal balance,” explains Swati.
3. Kids get feedback all the time; parents should get some, too.
Growing up is a period of constant assessment when everyone older than a child — parents, siblings, teachers and authority figures — freely volunteers their opinions about how that young person is doing. As one of Swati’s subjects told her, “I am labeled all the time. I am labeled by my teacher as bad at English; I am labeled by my mother as a naughty child; and I am labeled by my sister as being self-centered.” The kids surveyed for the Lodhas’ book pointed out that parents don’t receive all this feedback, and they’d like to be asked for some.
4. Mothers and fathers shouldn’t get so fixated on results.
“Parents love outcomes,” Swati says. “Not only outcomes; they love all the measurable outcomes.” The children they spoke to said they felt pressured by their parents’ emphasis on grades, prizes, medals, game scores and school admittances — especially when it’s in a sport, subject or interest the kids pursued at the parents’ request, not because of their own interest. According to Swati, kids would like their intentions and efforts to be noticed and valued, even when the outcomes aren’t noteworthy.
来源：TED
