语言随笔

【美】万达·科尔曼　　陈子弘 译

                  “谁从饼干罐里偷了
                     曲奇？”


这话始于某处
　联想到航程中段。想想荷兰船
　想想亚当、夏娃与别揪我

她说，黑人思维是转圈圈。不，他们不是
我反驳很快，又太过防御。当然
黑人思维就是转圈圈。我的思维也是
为何我感到有必要跳起来防御？
　防御性
是被血淋淋真相刺痛的明确信号

公式：黑皮肤 + 新钱 = 假钞

我一直反复思考同样的事情（迷宫
　贫困贫困贫困
常伴随社会污名的综合症）
　性性性
绝望地寻求绝对的理解（出路）——
　黑人黑人黑人
不可能（爱情关系令我不走运）我知道

   　　　　　　　　　“一号偷了曲奇”

但知道
并不能阻挡我思考——努力做到最好
我能由黑色驱动，但他们一直给我说
逃离语言贫民窟的最佳方式
是忽略黑色的现实烦球得很它将
不再会
对我的人生有实际力量。这对我
毫无意义——尤其镜子的本质
是反射

镜子不反射时它是什么？不一定是
　窗户，
仅仅是玻璃？它还能是别的东西么？一旦
成其为玻璃还能再成镜子么？

　　暴烈动物再也受不了再也受不了
　　任何人厌倦做众生和某些人世界中的
　　一头暴烈动物你把粉笔扔向
　　黑板朝不情愿的恋人扔石头用
　　冷洗碗水泼贪婪的女房东
　　他们都与你为敌，在那偏执的$$$
　　棱镜中，你努力看见自己/镜像
　　哦——黑如沼泽底部，陷于泥泞你
　　这头暴烈的动物，挣扎挣扎挣扎
　　去坚实之地，获自由，变坚固/

　　扎根

用作家替换镜子，预言家替换窗户，蹩脚写手替换
　　玻璃

　　　　　　　　　　　“谁？我？不可能是”

（破坏会上瘾还会导致更大的暴力/
扔东西，也即是危险的最初预兆）

　　公式：无染 + 油嘴滑舌 = 成功

　　我偶尔也可以线性思考，意识流
　　以及三天断食后的幻觉（有眼就可见）

　　我太沉溺于用脑。压力忒大。我感觉不到
　　颈项下
　　任何东西

　　　　　　　　　  　“二号偷了曲奇”

　　他说他恨我
　　我在想
　　我他妈到底做错了什么，除了
　　成为他爱恨交织的对象

　　公式：圈圈 + 长矛 = 螺旋

　　同时向下向内又同时向外向上

　　绝对如此

　　这结局又在这开始 

译注：
1.别揪我(pinchmenot),这个词在几部大型英语词典里都查不到，感觉是诗人为了表达特定含义或情感而生造的词。这种创造新词的手法在英语诗歌中并不罕见，诗人常常通过这种方式来传达独特的意象或情感。

诗人简介：万达·科尔曼（Wanda Coleman，1946－2013）美国诗人、作家，被誉为“洛杉矶非官方桂冠诗人”与“洛杉矶蓝调女诗人”。她出生于洛杉矶瓦茨区，成长于种族隔离与贫困之中，深受民权运动与瓦茨暴动影响。科尔曼创作了逾20部诗集、小说与散文集，作品聚焦种族主义、贫困和黑人女性经验，以大胆、音乐性强的语言著称。她开创了“美国十四行诗”形式，融合黑人俚语与爵士乐节奏，挑战主流文学规范。她曾获1999年勒诺尔·马歇尔诗歌奖（首位非裔女性获奖者）、以及古根海姆基金会及国家艺术基金会资助。

WANDA COLEMAN

Essay on Language

                          who stole the cookie from the
                           cookie jar?

this began somewhere

   suggest middle passage. consider the dutch ship
   consider adam and eve and pinchmenot

blacks think in circles she said. no they don’t
i said it too readily, too much on the defense. of course
blacks think in circles. i think in circles
why did i feel it necessary to jump on the defensive.
    defensiveness
is sure sign of being gored by unpleasant truth

equation: black skin + new money = counterfeit

i keep going back over the same thoughts all the time (the
     maze
  poverty poverty poverty
syndrome oft times accompanies social stigmata)
    sex sex sex
desperately seeking absolute understanding (the way out)—
    black black black
the impossible (my love relationship wears me thin) i know

                                  number one stole the cookie
but knowing doesn’t
stop me from thinking about it—trying to be the
best i can spurred by blackness but they keep telling me the
best fashion in which to escape linguistic ghettoization
is to
ignore the actuality of blackness blah blah blah and it will
cease to
have factual power over my life. which doesn’t
make sense to me—especially when the nature of mirrors
is to reflect

when a mirror does not reflect what it is? not necessarily a
      window,
merely glass? can it be something other than a glass? and once
it becomes glass can it ever be a mirror again?

     violent animal can’t take it no more can’t
     take it anymore from anyone tired of being
     one in a world of everybodies and someones
     violent animal you throw chalk against the
     blackboard rocks at reluctant lovers assault
     money-grubbing landladies with cold dishwater
     they’re all against you in that paranoiac $$$
     prism keep trying to see yourself/reflection
     oooh black as swamp bottom mired in muck you
     violent animal struggle struggle struggle to
     get to solid ground get free get solidified/

     grounded

substitute writer for mirror, visionary for window, hack for
       glass

                                                               who me? couldn’t be

(smashing is addictive and leads to greater acts of violence/
throwing things, i.e. the first sign of danger)
equation: colorlessness + glibness = success

i am occasionally capable of linear thought, stream of
     consciousness
and hallucinate after a three day fast (have eyes will see)

i’m much too much into my head. stressed. i can’t feel
anything
below the neck

                                                      number two stole the cookie

he says he hates me
and i’m wondering what in
hell on earth did i do except
be who he says he loves to hate

equation: circle + spear = spiral

going down and in at the same time going outward and up

absolutely

this ends and begins here

                              from Heavy Daughter Blues